to think I can't be the only one who worries about my child dying?

[lampshine]

I was told it'd get easier as my child got older, but he's 7 months now and I still stare at him at night because I think he's going I die.

I had a traumatic pregnancy and we thought something was wrong with him but he's fine.

I had a traumatic birth, he was pretty poorly to start off with as he was only 4lbs11 (at 38 weeks).

When he was about 3 months he was admitted to hospital as he stopped breathing a few times for very short periods. Enough to turn him purple. Nothing wrong with him, just a blip!

I now as a result, do not sleep. Tell me it'll pass? I'm exhausted.

Honestly this was me after ds was born. Sometimes I just wanted to be near my new baby and other times I was rigid with fear that something would happen to him
I even went through a phase where I would go through the house two or three times to make sure the windows were properly closed, in case someone tried to reach in and 'take' my baby !

Ask for CBT

I was consumed by this anxiety when my first was a baby, it was PND. I do still obviously have a slight worry in the back of my mind that something awful will happen to them but I have to put it away otherwise I’d be a neurotic mess.

Speak to your GP or HV, could be PND or at least anxiety.

I felt like this with my DD when she was little, we had a baby monitor in her room until she was nearly 4 as I was so scared of my been able to hear her. With my DS 1.5 years, he ran off with the baby monitor and hid it, we have searched everywhere for it, but can't find it, so we just haven't used one for a month. He tends to wake up at the same time every morning, so if he decides to sleep in I have a mini panic.

To an extent it's normal. Something that helped me was a thought I had when my DS was about 3 days old, which was just those few short days was 'worth' it, that even if he died that night that I'd have been willing to do the whole lot again just for those 3 days, I'd hated pregnancy and really suffered through it and had a traumatic birth but just to meet him, to hold him meant that I was incredibly lucky and that every single day from then on was almost a bonus and something to treasure. I've never lost a child so maybe that is incredibly naive, but it helped me whenever I'd feel anxious.

I still woke up in a panic numerous times, had a few nightmares and all the rest. He is 2 1/2 now and it's much better, a lie in doesn't cause anxiety any more!

You must be. I'm not worried at all about your child.

Yes, i dont know a single mum who doesnt. I try and enjoy every moment i can. Op...its vvv unlikely anything will happen now. Im less worried now but its still there

I have 3 and worry about them dying/getting run over/kidnapped etc
We used to live in a 3 storey house and I worried about someone coming through the window at night (why anyone would have climbed that high I have no idea) !

It does get less. Mine are 7,5&3 now.

There’s a good longform article called something like “motherhood and intrusive thoughts” that you may look up. I think it is normal, but exacerbated in your case because of circumstances around the birth.

My son nearly died due to MenC. I panic anytime he has a rash, temperature, upset stomach etc.

As much as it is unpleasant, it is completely normal, but you could still try to gain help to manage your anxiety.

I was really relaxed with my oldest but while pregnant with number 2 I made friends with a lady around the corner who had lost a baby to cot death so I was paranoid and there was no tech on sale then to the public

You poor soul, you’ve had such a hard time of it. I think some of the thoughts are normal - we all have those awful ‘what if’ moments. But as it is preventing you from
functioning completely I think talking therapies could be really helpful. A safe space to work through what you’ve been through and the fears you have. If referral through GP takes too long then check www.bacp.co.uk/ for accredited counsellors.

Also - this will sound weird - go watch Secret Life of Pets 2. It won’t fix things obviously, but you might find some empathy in some of the themes. Worse case scenario you zone out for 90mins and get to eat popcorn!

Hope you begin to find some peace soon

I still worry about this. My DS is 6. But I worry more about his being stolen by a paedophile ring. So, you know. Things change. But you'll never stop worrying about your children. It's called parenthood.

Mine is 22 and I worry all the time about her

I was exactly the same after one of my boys almost died, then two months in nicu, then had to call an ambulance because he couldn’t breathe. He had a complex illness too and it was so stressful, monitoring him all the time for subtle symptoms.

I was convinced they (twins) might die. The few times they actually slept before they were 1, I’d wake in a panic thinking they’d died and I’d lie there a few more minutes before I had to find out they were gone.

I am sure this is the trauma talking and I’d really recommend seeking help for this. Anxiety meds won’t resolve trauma.

It does get easier, I worry about lots now but rarely the intense fear that they’ll die.

I felt similarly when mine was a baby.

He was poorly (as was I) throughout my whole pregnancy, and was induced a bit early as we weren't doing too well.

It got easier for me as he got older. Talking therapies and medication from your GP may help (I see you have got already, but there are alternatives if they're not effective for you).

On the note of the breathing monitors - they're not always a good idea. Sometimes they go off when there is nothing wrong at all, and this can worsen an already anxiety fuelled situation.

You are a good mum who is just wanting to protect her baby and you're more aware of how it would feel for anything bad to happen to your baby which is why you're being hypervigillant. It's perfectly normal after what you have been through and the feelings will lessen with time especially when your baby can talk and tell you if something is wrong.

I had some cbt for my ptsd after birth trauma resulting in my baby ending up in nicu. I found talking to a therapist really helped as i realised i wasnt crazy for always checking on my baby at night.The therapist also gave me some coping mechanisms to help me deal with the situation and get some sleep.

It wasnt a quick fix though..i still worry and went through several weeks of lack of sleep through worrying..but try to remember that at night time if your baby looks well and you have followed all the safe sleeping guidelines there's no reason any harm will come to your baby and if you're thinking it will its because of your past experiences and not because of a real threat. You are a human being who needs sleep so its absolutely impossible to check baby all night every night and all u will end up doing is disturbing your little one who wont be best pleased!

They grow up so quickly...focus on enjoying your little one as much as u can and look after yourself...things will get easier in time and it sounds like your baby is fine now...it did take me months however before i could personally accept my child was gonna be okay!

Yes its perfectly normal

My children are 16/17/20 and im still frightened that something will take them away from me

I don’t worry every day

Im not on tenterhooks or anything

I used to worry about going in and finding my DS dead in his cot all the time and the thought does still occasionally cross my mind but definitely got easier after he turned 1 and the risk of cot death went away. What helped was that I read a statistic that said your child is more likely to live to be 100 than to die in infancy if they are born nowadays in the UK. So every time I had an intrusive thought about him dying I instead pictured him on his 100th birthday surrounded by family and balloons and that definitely helped.

So every time I had an intrusive thought about him dying I instead pictured him on his 100th birthday surrounded by family and balloons and that definitely helped.
Thank you for this, @Pepperwand, it’s lovely.

Well it’s every parents greatest fear. I generally don’t obsess over it anymore but the moment my kids are ill I go into overdrive, obsessing over their temperature and that they will get sepsis (prob doesn’t help that I had sepsis myself last year). I probably should seek some therapy actually.

Although ridiculously I’ve spent the last few minutes crying because I won’t be at their 100th birthday parties.

I think about it every day. Mine are 9 and 6. I experienced a family tragedy before they were born, so like you, it stems from a traumatic experience. I thought it was just a part of my life and inevitable- then decided to seek therapy for anxiety via my GP. I can’t say I am cured but I am dealing with it. My advice would be don’t leave it as long as I did. You/we don’t have to live life with every joyful moment overshadowed with the terror of that joy being taken away. Wishing you courage and peace 💐

I also felt this way when DS was born after a traumatic delivery. He was the picture of health but I was absolutely convinced I would wake up one morning and find he's died. I used to be up in the middle of the night to check he was still breathing when his cot was on the other side of the room.

He's 5 now and it has certainly lessened as time has gone on but it may be worth talking to your GP.

being a new mum is so hard