Anyone else's DP/DH have HORRID moods in the morning?

[spanielove]

Lovely night last night, I went to bed around midnight and fell asleep, DP has an awful habit of staying up really late to do work (he works from home and runs his own business) and I woke up at 4am to him getting into bed finally. He drank a little last night too so obviously that can contribute to the moodiness the next day but he's like it every morning! Always says he can't stand talking to me first thing and even berated me this morning for making him a coffee (as I thought he may be hungover). He wakes up at 8.30am (or earlier) every day to walk the dog so he's usually running on like 4hrs sleep.

It's strange because he suddenly snaps out of it mid morning but whenever it's early/he's tired he's just a completely different person.

It just makes me feel rubbish and like a nuisance in the mornings honestly, I've spoken to him about it before and said it's not fair on me but he still won't change his habits.

Even if I leave him alone and get ready for going out he's still grumping about and doesn't acknowledge me.

I don't like talking in the morning. I can function perfectly well, I just can't interact with other human beings. Ideally not even 'hello'. Just leave me be until I surface.

You say "horrible" but is it you are ready to chat, and he just isn't?

@DisplayPurposesOnly No, even if I don't speak he'll find things to complain about or get angry about small things.

I don't like full blown conversations in the morning either but usually it's just me asking something normal quickly like 'do you want a coffee' or 'see you later!' and he'll just snap back at me.

That's horrible actually. Sleeping four hours with drink too isn't a good way to live if it is a regular thing.

I'm like in the morning OP & that's after a full nights sleep! I feel incredibly grumpy & fed up, almost depressed. I am however aware of how I feel & keep it too myself. My 2 DC are early risers but no way am I taking my groggy grumpiness out on them...it's not their fault! Thankfully it passes after an hour or so.

That sounds awful. Nobody should have to walk on eggshells in their own house. It sounds like he needs more sleep.

So he stays up drinking until 4am, has 4 hours sleep, and you are surprised he is such a grumpy bastard?

This isn't sustainable. He needs to take responsibility for his own behaviour and make some changes.

My DH is a bit like this. We have 3 young kids and he finds it very difficult having to be “on” as soon as we all wake up. He has an outright ban on any noisy toys first thing! He’s starting setting his alarm for 6.30ish so he has 15mins quiet time to himself before we all get up which seems to help.

Mmm it annoys me if I'm having a good sleep and my husband starts speaking to me.
Breakfast?
Tea?
Want a blind open?

Ffs im sleeping...leave me alone!

I'd say lack of sleep is the issue

He's responsible for his behaviour. I'm not a morning person but iv'e explained it to my partner. I don't like small talk at the best of times but have no capacity in the mornings. I'm not rude though. I just say "mmhmm" until oh remembers to stop talking at me.

He sounds thoroughly unpleasant.

Does he speak to his customers like this?

@Chilledout11 The drinking is usually only at the weekend (eg Fri & Sat) and he usually only has half a bottle of wine or a few ciders each time, nothing too major. (Although it is to me as I don't drink at all!)

It just makes me feel unwanted and like a stranger in my own home you know? I have to tiptoe around!

We do have an age gap if that makes any difference, I'm 20 & he's 35.

Don't suffer in silence. If my husband snaps at me I say "do NOT snap at me like that!"

He can snap away but you don't have to take it. He's not your Dad.

@MissHemsworth I sort of get that as no one likes getting out of bed early in the morning, but I feel his is more to do with his lifestyle, working too late and not prioritising sleep enough. Hence why it grates on me after a while!

If he doesn’t go to bed until 4am how does he cope with DC’s first thing in the morning?

@bluebeck No, he stayed up working till 4am, he had a few drinks before midnight.

@GabriellaMontez Nope, he doesn't take morning calls though so maybe he would if forced to talk with them first thing

@ElspethFlashman I've done that before, it just makes me feel childish as he'll make out it's all my fault.

@bluebeck what? It's says he "drank a little" hardly reads as tearing the arse out of it.
What it does say is he stayed up really late working.

If you only got to bed at 4.30 would you want woken up at 8.30?

@Parker231 We don't have any children.

Agree he needs to sort his sleeping pattern out: four hours isn't enough. Does he have a fitness tracker thing. If not maybe that would help him 'see' that (though it should be obvious).

Even grumpy morning me recognises there has to be compromise. If you keep conversation to a bare minimum, I will be polite

@DisplayPurposesOnly Trust me, I hate mornings as much as the next person! (Especially if I'm up at 6 to get the 7.30 train to uni for an hour) but I literally ask basic things, no full blown convo's, and even if I don't talk, he's still moody.

@Whisky2014 Thank you, also I'd like to point out I never wake him up, his alarm goes off at 8 everyday, even at weekends (when mine is 8.30!).

That’s unacceptable. If you’re grumpy in the mornings, that’s you’re problem. Completely unreasonable to take it out on the people you love. And it’s his own bloody fault for not getting enough sleep and drinking late anyway. He’s really showing you how little he cares about you.

What is he like the rest of the time?

If you only got to bed at 4.30 would you want woken up at 8.30?

Nope. I would never stay up until 4.30 if I knew I had to get up at 8.30. Hence my saying he needs to make some changes. He is responsible for his actions and his behaviour.