To have a newborn and a hobby?

[loudnoises1]

So I restarted my weekly hobby this week at a new group I've not been to before.
When introducing myself, I mentioned that I have a 7 week old DD and 3/4 people made comments about how shocked they were that I would be away from her for 2 hours a week to do this hobby.

Are these people batshit mum shamers or am I missing something? Surely 2 hours a week without me isn't going to bother her?? And might keep me sane

Sounds fine to me, OP

I couldn’t have been away from mine at that age - I’m not sure how to explain it - it wasn’t that I thought he desperately needed me to be there the whole time, it’s more that he still felt like a part of me, I didn’t like even being in a different room. I know various friends had that same sense that they couldn’t leave the baby at all.

So honestly I might have been surprised to meet somebody doing a new hobby with such a little baby, although I wouldn’t have been rude enough to comment.

But it might be more that they’re surprised by it rather than judging your parenting.

I wouldn’t worry either way - I’m sure your approach is much healthier than mine.

Sounds fine OP. Maybe they meant it in a "wow you look amazing for 7 weeks post partem" kind of way....?

Don’t feel guilty, it’s okay to have a little you time. I went back to the gym a couple evenings a week for classes when my son was just shy of three weeks old and It did wonders for breaking up the monotony and giving me a little space to remember I’m still my own person. And his dad got some 1:1 time too

I went back to my hobby (tap dancing) when DD was 2 weeks old. I’m out of the house for 90 minutes and she is with DH so absolutely fine.

I also started working doing 2 hours a week private GCSE tuition when she was 3 weeks.

If you are ready to leave her then go for it! It’s good for your mental health to keep up hobbies.

Yanbu

Healthy to continue with what you enjoy. I did exactly the same but a few times a week at that age.

It just depends on your experience, DS had only been out of hospital a couple of weeks having been readmitted and I was in the middle of cluster feeding hell and nipple infections at 7 weeks. SIL was at a hen do. People just compare to what happened to them. A friend came to visit at twelve weeks and said 'how the fuck is your house tidy and your hair washed', DS had started sleeping for 8-9 hours at night and I have a DH who pulls his weight, her DD still wakes regularly at night and her dp is a cocklodger. I wouldn't have been rested and had time to do things around the house if I'd had her experience

It’s rare for breastfeeding to be well enough established and predictable enough to get 2 scheduled hours away so early. When dd was that age, I had to have dental work done and DH had to sit with her in lobby and let us know when there had to be a break so dd could eat.

Not U at all OP, it's important to take a little bit of time for yourself. Anyone else in awe of @whenzog tap dancing two weeks postpartum?! Iron-clad pelvic floor 😮

Well people always assume (very wrongly) that mothers are breastfeeding so you can't possibly be away so long. Others don't understand that not all mothers can't possibly bare to be away from their baby for more than 3 minutes.

It's absolutely fine. I left DD regularly for a couple of hours with her dad & grandparents. She's a very happy 11 month old now, she's had no problems settling in at nursery and loves her overnights with grandma & grandad.

Some People love nothing better than to try and make others feel bad. Don't pay them any mind.

Maybe I'm totally feeling the mum guilt and overthinking.
I keep thinking there's something wrong with me because I don't mind being away from her for a bit.

'I keep thinking there's something wrong with me because I don't mind being away from her for a bit.'

Not at all

As soon as I could drive post ELCS I'd quite often pop out for a few hours, dc was at home with her dad, I loved the break.

I'd have gone crazy without my little escapes.

Of course it’s fine! Can’t spend every hour with baby. I bet you feel brilliant for having those precious hours to enjoy yourself.

We are all different. With a 3 of mine I was fine leaving them. In fact Dd2 was left with my parents at 6 weeks whilst we went to a wedding overnight.

Perfectly normal to me!

I have a 3 month old and a 4 year old and regularly left them both for a couple hours a week when they were little to do my hair and nails and go gym.

Good for my sanity and more importantly meant their dad had to deal with them! 😂😂

It's fine. I was really worried during my pregnancy, as every thread on here said I'd be still in my pjs, crying, frazzled, unable to leave the bedroom let alone the house, not even knowing my own name for at least the first six months.

But it wasn't like that for me at all (in no way judging anyone for whom it was like that - I was lucky with a good sleeper and quick recovery). I felt like I went back to normal straight away, normal plus a baby. I don't have a hobby but if I did I probably have been back there after 2-3 weeks.

Mum guilt! I am going to dispel this bollocks if it takes me till I’m dead.

Mum guilt is so damaging to women, mentally. Does a dad feel a moment of guilt for having 2 hours to himself with a 7 week old? I think not. Women are meant to completely sacrifice themselves to motherhood, never take a moment to relax, be perfect all the time, and if they even think about themselves for a millisecond we are then meant to feel guilty. Ffs.

Op you are not doing anything wrong! You are still you. Yes you have a young baby, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up who you are.

And if some mums don’t want to be away from their babies, that’s also completely fine. Do what works for your family and everyone else, and mum guilt be damned.

Everyone is different. I had a half hour on my own in town when mine was about six weeks, and although I found it really strange it was good for me to have that break. I gradually increased time away from him, and he's now 14 weeks and I leave him with my partner for a few hours at a time to do my hobby. I miss him, but he's absolutely fine with his other parent.

My partner is out of the house 7-7 in the week, so I feel like I need a break from being constantly in charge, and he needs some time on his own parenting to both bond and understand how hard it can be.

I never had any issue leaving DS with his dad and felt no guilt. Why shouldn’t a baby be fine with another parent or whoever you trust.

Personally I think it’s healthy to do things for your own sanity and is a bit sad when people say they couldn’t leave baby for months on end.

Hate it when people assume breastfeeding.
I admire you op, i wish id have done this. Do what you like, someone will always have something to say about it

Good for you! My DD is 16 weeks now but my DP has had her plenty while I do various things (sleep mainly but also a meal out with friends, haircut, etc etc) since day 1. She takes expressed milk like a champ and I think it's super important they have time together just the two of them. I see a lot of posts on here with DHs who apparently 'can't' or 'don't know' how to soothe and look after their own children, and it's so sad.

It's earlier than I'd have done, but tbh I think that was more practicality than anything else - all mine were very frequent feeders. I did sing a Magnificat (so a good hour's concert) at about 2.5 months when I had dd (my third), but only went to one or two rehearsals briefly in the run-up, and I lived literally next to the church it was being held in, which cut out travelling time.

If she's fine and you're fine with it, everybody else can stick their opinions, frankly.

I never had any issue leaving DS with his dad and felt no guilt. Why shouldn’t a baby be fine with another parent or whoever you trust.
Personally I think it’s healthy to do things for your own sanity and is a bit sad when people say they couldn’t leave baby for months on end.

Ditto, and I fully agree.

OP, enjoy your hobby and don't feel guilty for one second.

Op I went back to my hobby (sport) once baby 6 weeks and I’d been physically signed off by the doctor.

Baby is now one and seriously that hobby has kept me sane and I seriously think without it I would have had PND. Seriously.

Well done you for looking after your own well being as well as baby.