To have a newborn and a hobby?

[loudnoises1]

So I restarted my weekly hobby this week at a new group I've not been to before.
When introducing myself, I mentioned that I have a 7 week old DD and 3/4 people made comments about how shocked they were that I would be away from her for 2 hours a week to do this hobby.

Are these people batshit mum shamers or am I missing something? Surely 2 hours a week without me isn't going to bother her?? And might keep me sane

I started back when my daughter was two months old. I fed her before I went and fed her when I got back - she wouldn't take a bottle. My husband cuddled and distracted her if she was hungry in the meantime. It's fine OP.

It doesn't make any difference when you introduce a bottle, if they are going to reject it they will, and all the special magical teats are just marketing. There is no teat that mimics breastfeeding despite several of them claiming it.

I’m breastfeeding and if DD appears hungry while I’m out then we have some formula in the cupboard. She always prefers a breastfeed but she won’t starve in 2 hours if we have a bottle available.

It was a bit earlier than I would have wanted to go but only by a few weeks. Even if your newborn was 1 week old if you felt up to it and it's only a few hours I don't see the issue.

Perfectly fine and normal, life doesn’t have to end as soon as you become a mother - baby is cared for, enjoy your hobby!

It's odd they'd feel the need to pass comment. There's no 'one size fits all' when it comes to parenting, or indeed just being a human. Why people can't respect the choices of others and not feel the need to pass comment is beyond me.
I do wonder if a lot of women are just very competitive when it comes to child rearing.

Judgy people usually stem from jealousy. They probably never had the chance or the guts (over mum guilt) le the thought to do it!

It would have helped my PND massively to get out 2 hours a week but I had a breast feeding bottle refuser so I was stuck never being away for long until I stopped at 14 months..... as a result my gut reaction to you was 'yes it's way to soon' but I'm sensible enough to know that's just my own jealousy!

It doesn't make any difference when you introduce a bottle, if they are going to reject it they will, and all the special magical teats are just marketing.

I agree with the tests being mostly nonsense, but disagree that it doesn’t matter when you introduce them. It’s a very rare baby who refuses a bottle when they’ve never been fed any other way, it seems some babies really struggle to switch between methods whereas others don’t. As far as I’m aware there have been no studies exploring this. DT1 was tube fed for 3 weeks, couldn’t latch at the breast despite great effort, and then went to one type of teat and has refused everything else since. DT2 was tube fed for 6 weeks, also couldn’t latch at the breast and had a variety of teats from early on. I have no idea why one could switch easily and the other couldn’t.

Go you. Don't listen to the martyrs on here and irl OP.

I dunno, OP. If it was a contact sport or something I'd be wondering why you were back so soon too. But only because your bones and muscles wouldnt have recovered at all yet, even if you feel like they have.

Of course it's reasonable for you to go. The thing is, I think any suggestion that you can 'do more' than someone else could with a similar aged baby always puts them on edge - I've been on both sides of this and it's horrible getting the 'oh wow, are you really doing X this early?!' comments (in my case, doing a very little bit of work in the first couple of months after DS was born and being out and about with him every day from day 2 of his life), but I've also felt the slight shame you feel when someone else is doing something you feel you can't (I was really funny about leaving him before about 4 months even though he took a bottle fine, my house, appearance and general life was chaos from about 4 to 8 months as we went through sleep hell) and it does make you feel defensive and like you're being a bit silly/weak to not be able to do the same. To be clear, I still think it's wrong and rude to voice those comments, but I do get where they come from.

Incidentally, maybe Bertie is statistically right that it makes no difference when you introduce a bottle, but it isn't my anecdotal experience AT ALL. Of all the babies I know of DS's age (and that's dozens, if I add it up) not a single one would take a bottle if they were over about three months when it was first tried (or not without a massive stressful fight, anyway). I know one who stopped taking a bottle later, and DS went the other way and developed a massive bottle preference after going from being occasionally offered a bottle to mix fed at seven months, but from my own (limited, anecdotal) experience offering them a bottle early is massively influential in whether they'll take one.

Absolutely nothing wrong with what you're doing. Nobody would question a dad doing this.
It's only 2 hours a week FFS.

Good on you OP.

I went back to my yoga class at when DD was 6 weeks. We were combi feeding so no issues there and it was over her bedtime anyway so dp would put her to bed. I still go every week and I love it, I've only missed it once on the day DD had a tooth come in and it was hell.

The idea of a baby accepting a certain bottle because it mimics the breast is marketing bollocks.

My DS is a bottle.refuser but that is partly because i really dont enjoy expressing and was actually much happier when I stopped trying. But I do wish I had tried him on one earlier, the midwives and HVs were so dead against trying a bottle too quickly in case it messed up supply, but my supply has always been great so I really think it would have been fine.
Baby number 2 will be trialled with a bottle much earlier!

OP enjoy your time, nothing wrong with it at all. Its completely baby and mother dependent, some babies just dont like being left no matter how early you try and sometimes it really is nothing to do with the dad, it's because of the perfectly normal bond between mother and baby.

I used to act and I miss it loads but it's just too long to be away - so I gym instead and I love it.

Do what works for you. And congrats!

YANBU.

The idea of a baby accepting a certain bottle because it mimics the breast is marketing bollocks.

Could you tell my DD that?! She will only feed from teats she can latch on to with her mouth in same position as breastfeeding. Otherwise she just sits with the teat in her mouth! Still, she has accepted it from day 1 and goes between bottle and breast seamlessly so marketing bollocks or not, I don't care as it works for us

Really OP.
2/168

So for 2 hours out of 168 per week, you are going to do something you enjoy while leaving your baby with a perfectly capable parent.

"What a mean thing to say to a new Mum"
would be my reply and honestly none of their fxxxing business.

Enjoy your tiny little break from the baby.
It's very important to remember you are still you.
Wonderful for your partner to have one on one time too.

Pah. I was doing 2 hours in the gym at 6 weeks post partum, DS was in the on-site creche. If he needed bf I nipped in and then went back to my workout. I felt not an iota of guilt, he was safe and cared for and I was doing something for my mental health.

Ignore the mummy martyrs, they're just trying to make you feel guilty for actually having a life.

I went back to my weekly hobby (nearly three hours including travelling) when my bf daughter was ten weeks old. While DH was already pretty hands on I think it made him more proactive having her by himself for an evening a week, and it was a great break for me! Obviously depends on your circumstances but it really worked for us.

@Purpleartichoke

It’s rare for breastfeeding to be well enough established and predictable enough to get 2 scheduled hours away so early.

Every baby is different. I established breastfeeding in about 10 days and my dd fed for sbout 10mins every 3hrs.

@loudnoises1 i've always been the same as you, i have never minded being away from my dd, i don't need to be with her 24/7. She has 2 parents, and i think its important she spends time with her dad as well as with me.

@Mississippilessly i agree about bityles early! We did one at 2 weeks (my partner did while i was upstairs out of sight) and we've never had issues.after a week or so i was able to give her bottles as well as breastfeed.

My friends who waited the 'recommended' 6 weeks all have bottle refusers.

Outing, but I was back at my language class in central London at 2 weeks PP - teacher tried to correct me when I did my introductory spiel about my family . And I (slightly madly) represented myself in the county court an hour away against a dodgy ex-tenant when DD was 10 days old. I don’t regret it.

I ran out the door as quick as I could when my DC were born OP! I never felt guilty, I wanted/needed time to myself without them from the get go. I still relish it though it’s too rare! Oh and I was breastfeeding - I’d just pump and leave a bottle so people shouldn’t make assumptions either way it’s nonesense.

My sister was out for dinner with her friends last night - her DS is 2 weeks old! He’s her third and she’s a fabulous mum, her DH is also a fabulous dad so their DS was more than cared for.

I hate people who assume women should martyr themselves to motherhood, it’s so toxic and puts incredible pressure on women who are already under enough pressure as it is. Enjoy your hobby!

From a male point of view a complete win win I loved the time on my own with both ds's from weeks old and DW got free me time.
Think it is very healthy my friend was always the brunt of his wife slagging him off for being useless but she never let him even try and took over and domineered everything with the kids .

Tell them to mind their own business your fine. I admire you Op.