To have a newborn and a hobby?

[loudnoises1]

So I restarted my weekly hobby this week at a new group I've not been to before.
When introducing myself, I mentioned that I have a 7 week old DD and 3/4 people made comments about how shocked they were that I would be away from her for 2 hours a week to do this hobby.

Are these people batshit mum shamers or am I missing something? Surely 2 hours a week without me isn't going to bother her?? And might keep me sane

I went back to my hobby when DD was 8 weeks! I was breastfeeding too and left expressed milk with DH. Worked perfectly!

2h a week sounds great. They were probably just surprised rather than judgy. I would be. And secretly envious as the closest I come to that is 1h in blimmin Tesco!

Back in the olden days when I had mine we didn’t have the maternity leave that’s available now. I went back to work when mine were six weeks old.

Yanbu but it depends on the community/people you mix with. If in your community breastfeeding is very common, it can be difficult to leave them for more than an hour when breastfeeding until they are more like 3 or 4 months, so it's unusual to see mothers of very young ones out without the baby on a regular basis.

Also like a pp I struggled badly to leave mine at all until quite a bit older, he seemed so helpless and seemed to need me completely. DH could only take 1 week of paternity leave and then was out at work a lot so it took longer for him to get used to the baby's cues, especially as I bf so did all night feeds.

Ps it is VERY common for bf babies to utterly and completely refuse all bottles unless almost starved into it.

Sound a great idea to me.

And yet men can do whatever the hell they like (including going back to work several hours a day) and no one judges them.. other women really are the worst of enemies to new mothers sometimes.

OP, PLEASE do not feel guilty, you're doing absolutely nothing wrong and the break will be good for you and for your DH & baby.

It’s so child dependant! If you can and you want to you completely should! Please don’t feel guilt.

With DC1 I could (and quite cheerfully did) leave her for a few hours at a time as and when from about 2 or 3 weeks onwards. She was perfectly happy with DH - no issues at all. So I popped out alone as and when I fancied it.

DC2 - no chance. He was a mad cluster feeder for ages plus hadn’t really accepted that we were separate people IYSWIM. Sobbed in a horrible heart rending way if he wasn’t in physical contact with me at all times at any point in the first 4 months. So I still popped out but with him in the sling.

If we have a DC3 I expect we’ll have a different experience again!

Please don't feel guilty, I was back to my hobby within a week of having DS as my Mum went on holiday and left me two horses to look after. He was left home with his Dad for an hour every day, as it was cold and wet outside, and he was better off in the warm and dry. I hadn't discovered MN then, and it never occurred to me to feel guilty. He is now 11, and a happy well adjusted, confident child, so clearly not too scarred from my neglect!

Ps it is VERY common for bf babies to utterly and completely refuse all bottles unless almost starved into it.

This seems to be a bit of a MN thing. IRL, almost all of my friends breastfed but also fed their babies bottles of expressed milk or formula without much issue. Sometimes the babies would go through phases of bottle refusing but it really wasn't as bad as people portray it on here.

I think, to some extent, it's about how keen the mum is to get out on their own - if you're genuinely happy not to have time without the baby for months (which seems a lot more common on MN than I see IRL) then if your baby isn't totally happy with a bottle, you may just give up. If you really want time out, you'll persist.

I switched my main hobbies around when DD was born and focused much more on gardening, which I love.

DD is an excellent napper, so I've been able to do loads over the last 16 months, although the naps are getting shorter now, and she is getting too heavy to garden with in a backpack carrier, so not sure what will happen then.

I think you definitely need something for yourself to focus on that isn't baby for a little time each week.

Sometimes the babies would go through phases of bottle refusing but it really wasn't as bad as people portray it on here

DD1 and DS would take a bottle of expressed milk with no problems. DD2 never ever let a bottle pass her lips. She screamed blue murder. That’s not how I’m portraying it, it’s just how it was!

OP I struggled with leaving my first DC as they were cluster feeders but DS would go much longer between feeds from day 1 so I was happy to leave him with my DH (who is an excellent, hands on parent) from a few weeks old while I had one on one time with the older DC.

I think the key with bottle feeding is a) introducing it early and b) picking the right teat. We've used a Minbie super slow teat from birth, which requires her to work really hard for the milk and takes her a long time to drink. Some people seem to try very young babies on generic normal teats for formula that are way too fast flow and don't mimic breastfeeding in the same way, so the milk pours out and they either hate it or they get used to faster flow and get annoyed back on the breast.

That’s not how I’m portraying it, it’s just how it was

I'm sure it happens sometimes, but I don't think "very common" is correct is all I'm saying.

I think it's good for you to have a break, it's not for long and your baby is with her father. It will be a special time for them both.

Celebelly with DD2 we started with the Minbie at 2 weeks. She took it once, then never again. Over the next 6 months I spent £100 on various wonder teats that claimed they were accepted by ‘99% of babies’ etc. No joy. Eventually gave up and she went straight from breastfeeding to a cup. Apparently my brother was exactly the same.

2 hours is nothing, what's the big deal??
I doubt anybody is shocked if the dad goes somewhere for 2 hours....

I honestly think this is a really good thing to do, and I'm very AP with my newborns. 2 hours is absolutely fine even if you are breastfeeding. You can leave expressed milk (or formula) if you're worried but most babies will be OK with cuddles and movement for that stretch of time as long as it's not between every feed. I would try to do this more than once a week if it fit with DH's work (and I had that many places to go ), in hindsight.

It's a good idea to have that expectation of dad going it alone from the start, it sets you up well for more egalitarian parenting IME. It's useful for him to have his own relationship with the baby and find his own calming methods etc. It's helpful to have the mindset that baby will be OK without breastfeeding for a couple of hours, even if you feed on demand the rest of the time. It helps breastfeeding not feel quite so restrictive. And it's so so important for mums to get a break and time to themselves. IME when you do this with mum not even in the house, it leads you to a better lifestyle when you're both at home in that you'll tend to alternate lie ins or bedtimes etc. Therefore less chance of mum always being "default parent".

I was teaching a weekly evening class over the period when I was expecting DC3. I took one week off.

I wouldn't have been able to at that age as I was breastfeeding, and they were still feeding very regularly.

If your baby is bottle or mix fed, then great.

Ah that's a shame I think I would find it incredibly difficult to have a bottle refuser. I need DP to be able to feed her for my sanity! She gets a bottle of expressed milk most days as he takes her so I can nap or have a lie in! Someone in our antenatal group has a bottle refuser so hasn't been able to join us for our meals out and has had to cancel a few events so it must be tough!

I couldn’t have done it. One of my twins was still in hospital at that point and I wasn’t in a fug of shock and trauma. I couldn’t let them out of my sight for months

I’m just saying, it’s not necessarily healthy to be a mum who can’t bear to leave her baby. I can honestly say looking back it wasn’t that I was so in love or so attached, it was because I was fucking terrified.

I wish I’d been able to do those things. Do what feels right to you.

I know a few who completely refused bottles, plus babies like mine who will drink from one kind of teat and nothing else (slightly problematic when they’re discontinued shortly after your birth and they still want bottles age 2.5 and they keep chewing through them!). My guess is there’s a window to expose them to a variety of teats / feeding options, but also doing so too early can impact bfing as well so it’s a minefield.

At a young age if you have to leave a baby who won’t take a bottle you can cup or finger feed, with slightly older babies a doidy cup is weirdly the best way to feed a bottle refuser when you have to (with the same lapping as cup feeding, just a bigger quantity!)

I've been going to yoga 1 hour 40 ish round trip since DS was about 13 weeks so it's similar. I miss him a lot and find it hard but I think it's good for dad and baby to have some bonding time. When I'm there my DS is always looking for me and I can tell he would rather I hold him. It's good for DP to have quality time.

And I'm breastfeeding... just do a huge feed before I go... it's not a problem