Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be weirded out by the masseuse messaging my boobs?

112 replies

lboogy · 08/06/2019 21:58

Had a massage today. Badly needed with picking up a toddler.
Anyway, after a lovely back and leg massage, the masseuse (50 year oldish lady) asked me to turn over and did my front and massages my breasts.

She'd already pulled my knickers below my bottom to do the back massage which I was a bit uncomfortable with but told myself not to be silly

But the breast massage is a bit much. It wasnt sexual in anyway and I was definitely not aroused!

Is this normal? I've had massages in the past and never had a boob massage .

Tell me I'm not crazy for feeling a bit weird about the whole thing

OP posts:
Trebla · 09/06/2019 00:44

People comparing rape and sexual assault to a massage are being really vulgar. How fucking dare you

As someone who was quite seriously sexually assaulted as a child and has experienced something similar to the OP. I can tell you the freeze response is similar. Perhaps my previous experiences confounded the way I acted when it happened to me, but to say "how fucking dare you" is completely out of line.

I was alone in a bamboo shack being massaged by a man who didn't speak the same language as me and it's a physiological response not a thinking one. You go into yourself and literally freeze. Yes sitting here on my sofa in clear comprehension of the facts of course you'd simply say "no thanks, that makes me feel uncomfortable". Context is everything. The brain doesn't always work like that. One person's experience doesn't diminishe another person's.

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 09/06/2019 01:00

This has just reminded me of a facial I had once with a massage included. Massaged my shoulders, chest and RIGHT down between breasts. Afterwards I said to a friend that I didn’t know whether to shake her hand or kiss her goodbye! Blush

Juniperjunojunijune · 09/06/2019 06:31

It is normal in different types Asian massage. I live in Asia and have had this before, also the knickers down thing. I personally don't like it - don't know why I've had so many massages to be honest! I sort of forget about the awkwardness until I'm back in there Grin! You haven't been sexually assaulted unlike some dramatic posters are saying, so please don't report her for doing her job! I'd suggest choosing a different type of massage next time and saying something in advance to make sure it doesn't happen again if it makes you uncomfortable.

Juniperjunojunijune · 09/06/2019 06:36

I'm quite worried by some of the more dramatic responses insisting that the OP has been assaulted. This is not helpful. I feel for you OP, as I've been in the same situation and remember how uncomfortable I felt, especially the first time! But, if we are going to embrace aspects of other cultures then I think we maybe need to do our research first to find out what is involved. It worries me that so many poster have said you should report the masseuse and accuse her of assault! It's wonderful to share things from other cultures but an element of understanding and cultural difference is required, as well as some sensitivity. Going forward I'd suggest posters do their research about what is involved in different types of massage as just because something is culturally different doesn't mean it's wrong.

PollyPelargonium52 · 09/06/2019 06:52

I only get massages from a professional masseuse and never from a man and over the years I have never had my boobs done.

The knickers are only pulled down every so slightly and there is no need to pull them down much. It is only so they can get to the hips which are a key area.

Bang out of order if you ask me!

mindutopia · 09/06/2019 06:58

This is normal in Ayurvedic and some other styles of massage. I’ve had it in India when I lived there. But usually they always ask if you’re comfortable with it first.

Snipples · 09/06/2019 07:22

Totally normal to massage breasts in Asia. Particularly in Thai and Indonesian culture. It's a bit odd the first time. I lived in HK previously and just sort of got used to it.

I had a massage in Thailand a few years ago with a male masseuse and he massages the breasts. I was alright with this as I'd forgotten to clarify.

I was more concerned when he literally peeled my knickers off (I was face down at the time and said nothing thinking he'd put them back on. He didn't.) Was so uncomfortable when I turned over. I think I was covered but I can't remember. I said absolutely nothing, just retreated into myself like so many people above have described.

My husband was only a few meters away and would have heard if I called out but I didn't want to make a fuss. After the massage we left and I burst into tears. I wouldn't describe it as an assault of course, more a cultural misunderstanding but easy to understand why some people don't speak up.

ControversialFerret · 09/06/2019 07:33

I have a deep tissue sports massage every month and have never had this. I've had the top of my boobs done, as I have upper back pain and my pecs are always really tight. But the masseuse I see is very clear about what she will do and explains where she's planning to go before she does it, to make sure I'm happy with it.

Felt a bit weird the first time I saw her, but what she's doing is very professional and clinical and it does make a huge difference to the back pain I have. I'm quite used to it now and we laugh and joke now whilst she's treating me.

If someone does something you aren't comfortable with then it's not OK. Any good masseuse should tell you beforehand if they are planning to do something other than touch your neck, shoulders and back.

ControversialFerret · 09/06/2019 07:35

Oh and pants being pulled down is normal so they can get to the bottom of the spine. But it's usually only to the cleft of your bum and they tuck a towel in to keep the oil off your underwear.

I've had trigger pointing done to my glutes, but she does that through the towel covering.

Skittlesandbeer · 09/06/2019 07:36

Yep, quite normal to include boobs in a full body massage. And I’ve had hundreds of massages, all around the world. Not included every time, in every style, but certainly frequently.

Recently I’ve noticed I’m being asked if I want the boobs included, so I guess enough woman have been shocked by it (like many on this thread!). To be clear, it’s mainly aimed at the muscles under and around your boobs. I mean no one’s holding tension in their mammary glands, hey??!

Booblessmonster · 09/06/2019 07:46

I had a massage in London, think it was Kensington. I bought it on groupon for me and DH. The woman also made me roll over and was massaging my boobs, she did say she specialised in pregnancy massage usually so maybe it’s something to do with stimulating milk usually and she just kept it in her routine?

DH went next, I met him in the car and before I could mention the boob situation he said ‘she went really far up my leg, I didn’t know when she was going to stop’ so who knows!

flooredbored · 09/06/2019 07:48

I've had my boobs massaged in the UK at an ayurvedic spa. It didn't really bother me though.

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 07:57

People comparing rape and sexual assault to a massage are being really vulgar. How fucking dare you!

that's a horrible comment, and a stupid one.

Whist recognising that in the highest majority of the case, the masseuse is professional and calling the police is just another of these MN comments, how dare YOU dismissing the feeling of the person who had a bad experience for them.

KitschBitch · 09/06/2019 08:02

I had my boobs done during a massage whilst in Mexico, later found out that it was the place to go for 'happy endings'! Still makes me shudder! Confused

Ifyouknowyouknow · 09/06/2019 08:04

Breast massage, I’ve had that done a fair few times but usually abroad. They’ve always asked first and usually would lay a towel folded in a strip over the middle. Same situation with a tummy massage

SuzieQ10 · 09/06/2019 08:05

If this was a 'full body' Thai massage... they really mean full body.
I was so shocked once while working in Thailand, instead of my usual back & shoulder massage I went for a full body and .. let's just say I had to ask them to stop. And it wasn't just boobs.

hellodarkness · 09/06/2019 09:22

Yes as many pp have said, usual as part of a full body massage in other cultures and specific massage types here in the uk. When I booked a full body thai massage at a well known uk spa, they did ask me whether I wanted them to avoid my chest area. I think it's sensible to ask, as this thread proves it would come as a shock to many people.

Lotts123 · 09/06/2019 09:24

I had what was sold as a Balinese massage at a hotel in Turkey, with my partner. As we walked in the masseuse said something I didn’t quite hear and then whipped my bikini top off, I’d never done this before but assumed it was easier for her that way - and they use towels to cover you anyway! When I had to turn from my front to my back I was very shocked when she whipped the towel off and messaged my boobs, my whole boobs not just across the top. I wasn’t expecting it but didn’t complain, thought I was just being Typically British. Not sure I’d have it done again though, I felt awkward rather than relaxed.

Lotts123 · 09/06/2019 09:25

*massaged (not messaged!)

Orangeballon · 09/06/2019 09:25

I have had loads of massages all over the world but no one touched my boobs or bum.

feathermucker · 09/06/2019 09:27

If you didn't like it and felt uncomfortable, then in that sense, it was 'wrong' . However, it doesn't sound like it was a sexual thing from the way you've described it.

Maybe you were too shocked to say something, but I think (hope) I would've asked them to stop.

Strange situation tbh.

DorisDances · 09/06/2019 09:29

I have been offered it - she shouldn't just have assumed

Whisky2014 · 09/06/2019 09:34

I had a massage in malaysia and during it I was asked if I wanted my breasts massaged.
I just said no.

I think you should have been asked beforehand.

Lamentations · 09/06/2019 11:30

I had coffee grounds rubbed into my breasts once in Egypt during a massage/scrub type affair. I was a bit surprised but the masseur was very obviously gay so I didn't read any 'intent' into it. It is weird though.

sqirrelfriends · 09/06/2019 15:33

@SuzieQ10 Oh dear! Are you sure it was only meant to be a massage? I've heard 'happy endings' are quite common over there.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread