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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be weirded out by the masseuse messaging my boobs?

112 replies

lboogy · 08/06/2019 21:58

Had a massage today. Badly needed with picking up a toddler.
Anyway, after a lovely back and leg massage, the masseuse (50 year oldish lady) asked me to turn over and did my front and massages my breasts.

She'd already pulled my knickers below my bottom to do the back massage which I was a bit uncomfortable with but told myself not to be silly

But the breast massage is a bit much. It wasnt sexual in anyway and I was definitely not aroused!

Is this normal? I've had massages in the past and never had a boob massage .

Tell me I'm not crazy for feeling a bit weird about the whole thing

OP posts:

SD1978 · 08/06/2019 22:57

Thai massage- not unusual. Did you ask her to stop? They will if you're uncomfortable. But they aren't mind readers. You need to say thanks but no boob massage- it isn't difficult.

wowsaidtheowl · 08/06/2019 22:57

The Sanctuary in Covent Garden used to massage boobs. It was odd.

SpiderPlant38 · 08/06/2019 22:59

Not common but I have had it - posh hotel in London. (Police!!! )

BettyFilous · 08/06/2019 23:00

I had a pregnancy massage years ago where breast massage was included. The masseuse discussed which area she was going to cover beforehand & checked I was OK with it. I had SPD in that pregnancy and was in a lot of pain all over from walking awkwardly, so I was willing to go with it. It was relaxing and not remotely sexual. She was a very efficient, petite Chinese woman, so it was perhaps something she’d trained in as her approach was more hippy herbs and traditional medicine than your typical Western pampering massage approach.

dreygrey · 08/06/2019 23:02

I went to a place once who did massage with you lying on your back, I didn't know until I got there and she asked me to lie in my back, I felt vulnerable and never went back, it was awful.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 08/06/2019 23:29

This is a very common and totally normal aspect of massage in many parts of Asia

Is it?! Not for me it wasn't Paranoid the masseuse took a look and decided she'd rather not - quite insulted now 😂

PissOffPeppa · 08/06/2019 23:33

I have had this! In the UK at a very posh hotel. I won’t go into detail because I know creeps lurk here but it definitely wasn’t an accident! The same hotel also once gave me a male massage therapist without telling me (he didn’t massage my boobs!) It didn’t bother me but I did think it was really poor form to assign a woman with a male massage therapist without checking they were ok with it.

Muffin3 · 08/06/2019 23:37

Hi op I’m a masseuse and it’s very normal in other cultures to massage the breasts, although when working abroad the routine I was taught would be to avoid the nipples. Sounds normal if it was a Thai massage. The knickers are just pulled down so no oil gets on them and the therapist can massage the glutes properly.
If you decide to go back just request a non boob massage and you’d like the extra time spent elsewhere!

Aquamarine1029 · 08/06/2019 23:38

If it made you uncomfortable, why on earth didn't you just tell her to stop?

Trebla · 08/06/2019 23:41

I once had an Ayurvedic massage in India where this happened. I’m sure it was only meant to be a back massage! I didn’t particularly enjoy the experience

Me also. I have spent over 15yrs feeling like I was actually assaulted as it left me feeling disgusted, yet being typically British I said nothing and questioned my own judgement (male masseuse). Perhaps it wasn't. Was still horrible though and has led to me not really liking my boobs being touched sexually. I found it quite traumatic. Have you called the massage place to discuss? If you have some doubt get them ironed out now so it doesn't fester.

Trebla · 08/06/2019 23:44

If it made you uncomfortable, why on earth didn't you just tell her to stop

This is obvious in a calm thinking brain led situation. Not when you are exposed, vulnerable and riddled with self doubt. I hope you are never on jury duty at a sexual assault case.

HeyThereDelilah1 · 08/06/2019 23:47

This happened to me in Thailand - I was about 19 at the time and too awkward to say anything. I think it’s a misunderstanding about what’s expected rather than anything sinister...

Teddybear45 · 08/06/2019 23:50

Yes common in thai and some Indian massages - often they’ll massage your pubic area (and just above it) too to promote fertility.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 08/06/2019 23:56

Yep I too learnt the hard way at in India, a full body massage is exactly that...

ittakes2 · 08/06/2019 23:56

It is norm in some places but everyone has asked me first before they started.

ittakes2 · 09/06/2019 00:00

Some people have asked why you did not stop her - please ignore. It’s the shock of trying to register something happening to your body - you go still - like a rabbit in headlights. Just give yourself a mental note if anyone starts doing that to you again you can find your voice to ask them to stop.

Teddybear45 · 09/06/2019 00:02

@ittakes2 -asking is fairly rare outside a 5 star restaurant. As these massages are given female to female there is an assumption that every part of your body is within scope; and also an assumption that if you’re there you know the score. If you get it done at a beautician in Asia, they’ll often perform beauty procedures too if they think you need it (body waxing, pore cleansing, mole / skin tag removal) so you kind of need to be alert. Fall asleep and you’ll find your butt crack waxed like I did lol.

friedbeansandcheese · 09/06/2019 00:04

This is obvious in a calm thinking brain led situation. Not when you are exposed, vulnerable and riddled with self doubt. I hope you are never on jury duty at a sexual assault case.

Oh come on!! Please do not compare the two!!

In one, the user has booked the massage and is in charge.

If you being raped, that is a completely different scenario!

Stupid post. If you are at a spa, having a massage, you are in charge neroli if that. Ffs.

friedbeansandcheese · 09/06/2019 00:04

Teddybear45 · 09/06/2019 00:07

People comparing rape and sexual assault to a massage are being really vulgar. How fucking dare you!

AtSea1979 · 09/06/2019 00:08

@SD1978 that’s not a very good attitude to have. Just because someone doesn’t speak up doesn’t mean they consent. Lots of people don’t feel able to speak up for many reasons, it doesn’t mean the other person has to be a mind reader.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/06/2019 00:12

People comparing rape and sexual assault to a massage are being really vulgar. How fucking dare you!

This x10,000.

Purpleartichoke · 09/06/2019 00:14

It’s actually something I wish was included in more massages, but that is my personal preference. Mine get sore regularly and I massage them myself for relief.

BanditoShipman · 09/06/2019 00:20

They’re comparing the fact that when someone touches you unexpectedly you may freeze and not be able to say ‘stop’.

TheStuffedPenguin · 09/06/2019 00:30

This happens in massages in many countries and they usually do your boobs but sweep around and do not touch nipples. It's not common in the UK but if it is a possibility they should ask if you wish it done.

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