Wedding dilemma

[SheeshKebab]

Not really an AIBU but posting for traffic 😉

So we're planning our wedding. I have a relative who can't fly due to health reasons but our dream is to get married in Italy. She is also technically my bridesmaid, I asked her 2 years ago when we got engaged but since then, there's been family arguments and I don't think she really likes me🤨so maybe she won't even want to be a bridesmaid anymore, I haven't asked her cause she's very difficult to talk to.

I said to my fiance that we can only get married in Italy if it was just us and our parents. It's really unfair to invite the rest of our families knowing that she can't come. He says it's our day and we should do whatever we want.

What do we do?

I agree with your fiance.

Do whatever makes you happy. If she is such hard work and you can’t have an honest conversation with her, then why is she someone you would want as your bridesmaid?

It's your day. Too many people get wrapped up wondering what other people want. Just tell everyone you've decided to have the wedding abroad with just parents only in attendance. Perhaps throw a party later in the year when you're home. Once they've got over the initial 'oh' people will reflect that at least they didn't have to shell out for clothes/gift/travel etc.

You could have the actual wedding in Italy with your parents, then do a reception do at home after, a big party for everyone else. You can wear your dress again, and have it just as you would a reception.

My friend did similar having got married in Greece and it worked really well.

Invite everyone you want and can afford to invite. It's important to have the day you want. It's also an opportunity to ask if she'll be able to come and if not then you can choose another bridesmaid. The day is about you not her.

@marmalady75

We used to be really close which is why I originally asked her to be my bridesmaid. I'd be happy for her to still be a bridesmaid, she just needs to cheer up abit! I just don't want to offend her.

Can she not drive there?

some times we have to offend for the greater good. if she's not able to fly surely she won't be able to go. you need to talk with her even if it is difficult, you say she possibly doesn't even like you. this needs to be sorted out and not avoided.
i'm with your fiance on this one, it's your special day.

@petitprince

I did think this but she wouldn't want to do a long drive either. I suggested a venue in the UK, 2 hours from where she lives and she got annoyed about that 🙄

Is she unwell? Why can't she fly or drive, or even travel 2 hours?

She may be able to get there by train (or a series of them). It would be more of a trek but doable. But the price you have to pay for a destination wedding is that some people you would ideally want to include, can't make it, and the ones who can manage it aren't the ones you lwant the most.

Why not have a wedding in the UK then go to Italy for your honeymoon.

@moneybegreen

She can fly but it's a risk to her health and I know she wouldn't take that risk nor would I want her to. Driving is fine or train to be fair, she just gets stroppy about doing it.

I agree, its your wedding - get married in Italy. There seems a lot of its and buts with your prospective bridesmaid. Do you really want to be worrying about what type of mood she will be in on your wedding day.

@crispbuttyno1

That's what I said to my fiancé. A compromise and we don't upset anyone.

@KC225

Yeah I completely agree with that tbf. I am already worried about it. If we got ready together in the morning, would she just be miserable and ruin it? :( I'd like to think that she'd be happy cause she loves a wedding but who knows.

Do what YOU want, invite everyone and enjoy your day.

she just needs to cheer up abit!

Has she become ill in the last couple of years, which is why she can't fly or travel far.

Perhaps you don't get on so well now because you don't seem to be very sympathetic!

Get married in Italy.

You are not marrying her. Yourself and your husband are getting married.
Do what YOU both want.

Who is she?

@dingdongdenny

Yes she has.

That's absolutely nothing to do with it. She's had arguments with other family members but it's made everything awkward for everyone. I would never not be sympathetic towards her and she doesn't know how most of us feel about her moods as we don't want to upset her.

Your day and your way. She sounds like she would be hard work anyway

there's an awful lot of softly softly treading here around one person. i have to ask why that is ? is she ill /mental health ? if not why are the family walking on egg shells around her ? you really need to clear the air and dare i say it toughen up a bit !