Single parents - dream job with long hours or meh job short hours?

[anotherconundrum]

I'm a single parent. One child aged 11.

Job A = not a job I would have chosen. Company struggling, would have to limit my time there to 2-3 years to avoid impacting my career long term (unless there's a big turnaround in the company's fortunes). BUT they are openly very flexible with home working and I would only be out of the house for 9.5 hours a day, home by 5pm. Easier commute. No childcare needed. Take home pay would be circa £2.4k after travel.

Job B = dream job at dream company. Big promotion, great for my CV. But I will be out of the house 12 hours a day, not back til 7pm-ish (will need to get au pair/housekeeper). Suspect there is a culture of long hours. Travel there and back would be hard-going. Take home pay would be around £3.5k after paying for travel and childcare.

AIBU to ask which job would you choose?! I'm so conflicted.

Job B, with an au pair.

Company at job A could well go bust!

I'm confused sorry 2.4k and 3.5k? Is that the figure more than you're currently earning, or a typo, or??

B

@Loopytiles yes that's true, they could. But it's unlikely to happen within the next two years for reasons I can't really explain without being potentially outing.

@lubeybooby sorry, I don't understand what you mean.

I assume they are monthly figures.

For a child of that age, Job B.

And remember: you can truly be present for the hour or so you have with them every day, and for the weekends. Use the time wisely and your child won’t suffer - and will even be inspired by having a mother who enjoys their job.

I hate job uncertainty so job B.
Au pair.

Commit to being there weekends and use yr holiday for a long weekend every 3 weeks. I do that mean. I never go awY :-/

I'm guessing take home pay per month. What's your salary now? Remember you'll lose CB on the higher salary and will be a higher rate tax payer. You can fiddle about with childcare vouchers and your pension to reduce that impact though.

Take the dream job, you can always move to a less demanding job if it is too much or negotiate WFH or PT hours once you are there and valuable to them.

Surely it partly depends on how well your child will cope with barely seeing you in the week?

I mean, I would have found it really difficult when I was 11. My brother, less anxious and more emotionally robust, probably wouldn’t have batted an eyelid.

B I'd say...as long as your 11 year old is emotionally ready.

I had a similar conundrum and took job B and moved to live closer to the office.

Suspect there is a culture of long hours.

So could it potentially be more than 12 hours a day? Eating into weekend time, working evenings? If so I wouldn't take it. Teenagers often need you more than younger children, and it seems like you would be sacrificing a lot of family time for work.

OP wouldn’t be able to take long weekends, she’ll need to cover school holidays!

Your age is also a factor: ageism from employers can kick in from mid 40s in my observation, so it may become harder to get opportunities like job B, especially if applying from a job like A.

And your pension.

You have a child, would they be able to cope with the long hours. Surely that should be your main consideration.

Having done been in both types of jobs I’d be sticking with Job A.

Flexibility is worth more than you can imagine and so is time with your child. I realised that far too late and bitterly regret chasing my career over my kids. Besides, that failing company now might just be tomorrow’s Apple or Amazon. I say that as that’s luckily what’s happened to my ‘Job A’

I'd go got job B and if it gets too much look for something else in a year or so; sounds like you have better long term prospects than in job A.

Use the extra money to outsource things like cleaning etc so that all your spare time can be spent with your child.

If they are a large company you may also have to often to buy more annual leave, which can be useful.

Also, once you are in and settled you may be able to negotiate working from home etc.

Your child is old enough to have this conversation with you.

Would they rather you got home at 5, or be supervised by an au pair for a couple of hours and see you at 7? The extra money will presumably allow for treats and holidays that wouldn't otherwise be possible.

FWIW I have four dc, now all in their 20s, and in a few years they won't notice whether you're there or not and will be going to bed later than you. You can eat dinner and spend the evening together from 7 without any negative repercussions IMO.

I would think it would be easier to go from a job b to a job a if you find it's not working out. So for that reason, if my child was ok, I would take job b. If it turns out to be too hard you can always leave and find another job a.

Personally I would go job A and take a gamble. Too long hours job B

I’ve been in this position and chose A. I have never regretted it. Childhood is short and 11 is on the cusp already. For me, I knew there would be other jobs when my kids were older but I would never get the time with them back. People will say they don’t need you as much once they go to secondary but in my experience that’s not true the first few years.

Saying all that there is no right or wrong here. Just what you think is right for your family.

Have you been offered these jobs yet? Personally I would go for job B and then negotiate flexible working. Nearly everything is negotiable if they want you enough.

Fwiw, my mum had job B at that age. She had a 1.5 hour commute, left at 6am, home at 6-7pm ish, worked from home evenings and weekends. She was a single parent. It was fine. We had a great life. I grew up really admiring her work ethic. And she’s retired now with a fantastic pension and I know I’ll never have to worry about her financially as she gets older.

Job A. Take it while your DC is still young and review the situation again in 3 years.

Job B with a cleaner!!

I agree on the negotiation for less hours once you’re settled - then win win

I did b. As a single parent, financial insecurity of one of the most scary things and to be in a safer position with more money was lovely.

Yes have been offered both.

Job A have openly stated that I would be paid for anything worked beyond my normal hours.

Job B - there is no room for negotiating home working. The department I would be in has a culture of being in the office and keeping desk seats warm, they're notorious for it! There is room for that to improve but they are miles behind the rest of the industry in that respect.

The two companies are at opposite ends of the spectrum so far as flexibility and work-life balance are concerned from what I can glean.