FGM on year 5 school curriculum

[MermaidMummy]

I'm really not sure if I'm being unreasonable, so I'm interested in everyone's thoughts.
My 9-year-old's class has just started learning about puberty. We have been told that the next lesson will cover terminology such as erection, sperm and female genital mutilation.
I just don't get why they need to learn about FGM at 9 years old. Some of these kids are very "young" for their age, and mine is very sensitive (won't watch the news in case an "adult topic" crops up).
What is the rationale for teaching this in year 5? There is nobody in the class from a cultural background likely to carry out FGM, but even if there was, would a 9 year-old know that it might happen to them and inform a teacher (if that is the rationale for teaching it)? From what I have read they aren't told anything about it in advance. If it has already happened to them, what is the benefit of bringing it up in class? Couldn't it be damaging and stigmatising?

They will probably experiment with each others genitals at some point too OP. Based on your logic we should be either not telling them about sex at all or showing them graphic porn as nothing in between will work.

This is a good thing. Some girls are about 6 or 7 when they are forced into it. I imagine the school won't go into the details of the why it is done but more 'some bad people can try to hurt girls on their genitals' so know that this is bad and wrong. Say for instance a girl came back from holiday and mentioned to her friend that something had happened to her or she was poorly or in pain then the friend could advocate for her and get her help.

Sadly it is something that does happen to girls living in the UK. I worked in a secondary school in the midlands for 10 years and there were various cases, so horrendous, but these were the ones we knew about, who knows how many more actually happened.

Rather than hiding our girls from these things we need to inform and empower them with knowledge about their bodies for their safety.

“So how is a sugar coated version going to benefit the kids everyone is saying will benefit from learning about it? ”

How do you think they talk to children about abuse and rape? Presumably you have talked to your children about keeping themselves safe without going into graphic detail?

YABVU for all the points above and not expecting consent to be covered in primary school! However if your 9yo DD is bursting into tears at the mention of impending periods I think this is maybe part of a wider issue you need to address?

You say your 9 yr olds class have just started learning about puberty but surely this isn't the first she has learned about it? Have you discussed with her too? I started my periods at 10, beginning of year 6.

SignedUpJust4This

I'm not saying they need to be shown any graphic at 9 years old. I'm saying they shouldn't be! But to have the effect of making children understand how barbaric it is then ut needs to be explained fully , at an older age, maybe even months after inutially learning about their bodies and changes at puberty. NOT as a second lesson on the subject at 9 years old.

Juanmorebeer

You say your 9 yr olds class have just started learning about puberty but surely this isn't the first she has learned about it? Have you discussed with her too? I started my periods at 10, beginning of year 6.

Yes.

You should be discussing things like this with your daughter at home anyway, not relying on the school to do it. She should be growing up to become an empowered woman with ideas of what is right and wrong in the treatment of women. Some things that are done to women are horrific, and you shouldn’t hide that from her. Obviously it needs to be said in an age appropriate manner, but you are doing your child a massive disservice to pretend it doesn’t happen or not be open.

I mean, yes we have of course discussed it with her.

If your 9 year old cries at the idea of periods I think you have kept them too sheltered. I started mine at 10 and was fully informed before that.

Presumably the curriculum has some idea what the appropriate age to teach this is, with regards to teaching it age-appropriately while also making sure it's relevant and potentially helpful to protect those at risk. They don't just pluck these things out of thin air to upset you.

They don't need to understand how barbaric it is! Just that it's wrong. It will literally be...

'if someone tries to cut you down there, even if its with your mother/aunty/sister/religious leader there saying "its OK" it is Not OK. It is illegal and you can tell a teacher and get help'

If your friend tells you she's going on holiday for a cutting ceremony tell a teacher.'

Ffs I don't know what's so hard to understand about this.

If you have concerns, perhaps you could approach the school for lesson material? It will be taught in an age appropriate way, and probably as an extension of bodily autonomy etc. At this age.

Not hearing about it or learning about it doesn't stop it happening, and as with all things, education gives people power to understand the world, their body and their rights. It might already be too late for some of the girls in your daughters class to stop it happening, but it might help them come forward and get the appropriate support.

MustardScreams
We're not hiding anything from her but we don't think this topic is appropriate for her current age and frame of mind as a very young and sensitive child. Once she has a better grasp on puberty and her own body then it will be more appropriate.

So how is a sugar coated version going to benefit the kids everyone is saying will benefit from learning about it?

Because there’s a middle ground between knowing nothing about it, and being given a really graphic brutal description. It’s not sugar coating, it’s giving an age appropriate explanation, like children are given all the time on a huge variety of subjects.

sar302

If you have concerns, perhaps you could approach the school for lesson material?

We have asked for this.

Your child probably won't personally prevent it from happening to someone. The curriculum is designed for kids all around the country from al cultures do while not so relevant to you, it will be to another child.

There needs to be a change in culture towards FGM as it's currently whispered about rather than openly discussed, Changing the attitudes towards FGM takes time. For example when I was in primary school I had no idea what drunk driving was but the average y5 kid will have heard of drink driving even if their parents don't do it and they hopefully grow up to be drivers who think it's unacceptable.

A y5 explanation of FGM isn't going to include graphic detail and considering how e-safety and child abuse are taught in school, I can see why FGM should too. I hope that the current climate of being open with kids about stuff like abuse has contributed to less stigma and shame for victims and that they tell a trusted adult earlier because of being educated. FGM comes under this. If you know that a younger sibling/cousin/friend is at danger, ideally adult intervention could happen. As an adult you might want to have sex with someone who went through FGM or you might make a friend who is a survivor whose adult life is affected.

If you are worried about your DD's reaction, I'd talk to her before the lesson to minimise her distress at school.

So you can withdraw her from the lessons.

She will however then learn it in the playground second hand

Once she has a better grasp on puberty and her own body then it will be more appropriate.

It's not unheard of for 9 year olds to get periods these days and what do you mean by getting a better grasp on puberty and her body? Hormones and changes can take years to settle down (assuming no medical problems here)

My point is why teach it as part of an early lesson about puberty, in which they are learning about names for body parts that some are still calling "feefee" etc. It's a bit of a shock to go from "It's a vagina" to "some people have theirs cut as part of their culture". What does that mean to a child, other than normalise it, or maybe make them worry it will happen to them?
I just can't get my head round it, whether or not I my own view is unreasonable.

At the age of 5 my neice came home upset and whispered that her friend told her a secret and made her promise not to tell her mum, but as i was her aunt neice considered it okay. She then went into horrifically graphic detail about the sexual abuse her friend had suffered.

The only reason why she even thought to tell me was because there had been an education session a few months previously about good touch / bad touch and to tell any adult they trust (if they can’t tell parents).

The first thing abused kids do is tell their friends and this happens with fgm too - that’s why it’s so important for everyone to know about it.

Yanbu op, agree with you 100%

By the way all the girls I knew growing up started their periods at 8 or 9. You are doing a huge disservice to her by not talking about this, as I bet she talks about puberty (perhaps even sex) etc in school and that’s how misinformation starts.

If a child is calling their vagina their feefee at 10 years old that's down to shite parenting in my book. I'm not one of the "it's a vulva not a vagina" brigade but a feefee?

FGM happens. It happens in this country and it happens to citizens of this country. Educating children about it is how it will eventually happen a lot less. No allowing your child to be educated about it is hand wringing, Pearl clutching of the highest order. Shame on you.

Teddybear45

By the way all the girls I knew growing up started their periods at 8 or 9. You are doing a huge disservice to her by not talking about this, as I bet she talks about puberty (perhaps even sex) etc in school and that’s how misinformation starts.

What? I didn't say we don't talk about it. We've been talking about it for over a year.

Perhaps you should wait for the teaching material before getting all up tight.