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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FGM on year 5 school curriculum

571 replies

MermaidMummy · 07/06/2019 10:27

I'm really not sure if I'm being unreasonable, so I'm interested in everyone's thoughts.
My 9-year-old's class has just started learning about puberty. We have been told that the next lesson will cover terminology such as erection, sperm and female genital mutilation.
I just don't get why they need to learn about FGM at 9 years old. Some of these kids are very "young" for their age, and mine is very sensitive (won't watch the news in case an "adult topic" crops up).
What is the rationale for teaching this in year 5? There is nobody in the class from a cultural background likely to carry out FGM, but even if there was, would a 9 year-old know that it might happen to them and inform a teacher (if that is the rationale for teaching it)? From what I have read they aren't told anything about it in advance. If it has already happened to them, what is the benefit of bringing it up in class? Couldn't it be damaging and stigmatising?

OP posts:
Geraniumpink · 07/06/2019 21:46

Same here, oddly - my dd going to private for gcse years. Mainly for the good pastoral care.

Fibbke · 07/06/2019 21:47

Ha! I just couldn't stand it any more and she's been getting more and more withdrawn. Good luck to your dd.

Geraniumpink · 07/06/2019 21:52

Thanks Fibbke. I know from talking to other parents that there are some big mental health problems at around that age, especially with girls and I don’t feel schools are willing to make changes to their curriculum as they do not see any connection at all. Hope your dd enjoys her new school too.

Fibbke · 07/06/2019 21:55

I think it's incredible that noone had made the connection. They will eventually.

bordellosboheme · 07/06/2019 21:57

I think that's awful. I think many adults can barely cope with that information. I would keep my son out of that lesson. He doesn't need to know that at nine when they are still so young. Someone has made a serious error of judgement putting that in the curriculum there.

Fibbke · 07/06/2019 21:59

I can't find anything online that would back up this idea that fgm is in the primary school curriculum

Geraniumpink · 07/06/2019 22:06

It isn’t on the primary curriculums far as I can tell. It’s for Key Stage 3/4.

Fibbke · 07/06/2019 22:07

Exactly. Which makes all these posters saying how important and marvellous it is for 8 year olds seem a bit silly.

Beautiful3 · 07/06/2019 22:24

I worked in a college ( in the West Midlands) where fgm was a really big thing. It affected many of our students (of a cultural denomination). I think teaching all children in schools what it is, and what to do if your parents suggest it; is actually a good idea. This education offers girls the chance to understand that this cultural custom is wrong and abusive, and that they do have the right to say no; so to ask for help.

GreytExpectations · 07/06/2019 23:04

There are NO children in my child's class who are at risk of FGM unless for some reason other than cultural that I am yet to be made aware of.

How the hell can you know that for sure, OP?! What a ridiculous statement to make. Im ashamed at all the parents on here with the "not in my backyard" mindset.
Also, if a child was being taken abroad for FGM they are unlikly themselves to know the details to explain to their friends! This is why its important for kids to understand certain phrases and signs to look out for.

Original poster
MermaidMummy · 07/06/2019 23:08

How the hell can you know that for sure, OP?!

Do you suspect people do it for anything other than religious/cultural reasons? If so, then yes, they would all be at risk. If not, none of them are.

OP posts:
Original poster
MermaidMummy · 07/06/2019 23:11

the "not in my backyard" mindset.

Again, and sorry to keep repeating this but clearly you haven't read the whole thread, but it has nothing to do with "not in my backyard". It's about the age of the children and what we as parents think is suitable for them to learn in sex ed classes.

OP posts:
GreytExpectations · 07/06/2019 23:15

Do you suspect people do it for anything other than religious/cultural reasons? If so, then yes, they would all be at risk. If not, none of them are.

So you know the religious and cultural background of every single child in your dd's year group or in the school even? Including the familes of those children?
Either way, you really should make assumptions about people nor about cultures or religions.

GreytExpectations · 07/06/2019 23:17

Again, and sorry to keep repeating this but clearly you haven't read the whole thread, but it has nothing to do with "not in my backyard". It's about the age of the children and what we as parents think is suitable for them to learn in sex ed classes.*

I have read the thread. If you knew anything about the subject then youd realise why that is an appropriate age to be made aware.

Fibbke · 07/06/2019 23:27

How the hell can you know that for sure, OP?!

Because she's probably read the government guidelines on fgm which state which ethnic groups practice FGM, and presumably her school doesn't have any of those ethnic groups. Its quite straightforward grey unless you have knowledge of a white middle class Fgm cabal in leafy Oxfordshire.

Original poster
MermaidMummy · 07/06/2019 23:28

I have read the thread. If you knew anything about the subject then youd realise why that is an appropriate age to be made aware.

So why does it appear to be only our school that wants to teach it in year 5. So far nobody else has confirmed that it is taught anywhere else so young, or indeed whether or not it is even on the National Curriculum for KS2!

OP posts:
Original poster
MermaidMummy · 07/06/2019 23:31

So you know the religious and cultural background of every single child in your dd's year group

No, and I have never claimed to. I know that none of the girls in her class come from religious/cultural backgrounds that practice FGM.

OP posts:
IsabellaLinton · 08/06/2019 00:06

If you knew anything about the subject then youd realise why that is an appropriate age to be made aware.

And other parents - who know their children well and have their best interests at heart - are free to disagree with you on that point.

IsabellaLinton · 08/06/2019 00:13

Also, if a child was being taken abroad for FGM they are unlikly themselves to know the details to explain to their friends! This is why its important for kids to understand certain phrases and signs to look out for.

Why would their friends be any more likely to pick up on this than the child in question?! It’s not the responsibility of children to be policing each other’s speech and movements, nor should we be asking or encouraging them to do so.

These are adult problems for adults to solve. Children cannot be expected to help us in this matter. Why are we so quick to put the onus onto the most vulnerable in our society, those least able to cope with the emotional toll, those who cannot actually solve the problem?

jellycatspyjamas · 08/06/2019 00:34

FGM has been reported in indigenous populations in Eastern Europe and in Latin American. There have been at least two cases reported in white children in the US connected to fundamental Christianity- the idea that it only affects black African children is narrow minded at best. In one of the cases in the US the victim said she thought it happened to everyone and had no idea it was abusive until she went to college. If teaching children that it happens and isn’t ok allows someone to identify that what happened to them isn’t part and parcel of growing up its worth it. It’s about giving children a language for the unimaginable so they can talk about their experiences. The idea that a school talking to kids about an issue in an age sensitive way is in some way wrong let’s down those girls for whom it is their lived experience and who think it’s a normal rite of passage.

IsabellaLinton · 08/06/2019 00:41

It’s about giving children a language for the unimaginable so they can talk about their experiences

I don’t want the unimaginable to become imaginable. I fundamentally disagree that this is helping children in any way. We just won’t agree on this issue I’m afraid.

GreytExpectations · 08/06/2019 06:08

Its a sad world when parents feel their personal comfort levels about subjects is more important than the possibility of the awareness helping maybe just one young girl who could be vicitim to a horrible act of abuse.

Op, why do you think its just about her class? There could very well be culturals in the year group that practice it. I doubt you could know that level of insight into the children and their families at the school. Unless you are basing it off skin colour, which is of course very ignorant and wrong.

StarlightLady · 08/06/2019 06:16

My view is that it is important that children learn about dangers in life, not just to them personally, but also to their friends. You cannot single out children to talk to.

Bridget1983 · 08/06/2019 06:37

I totally think FGM as an issue should be taught to kids - 9 is probably the right age however surely it should come under the heading of human rights type school stuff not sex education?

LolaSmiles · 08/06/2019 07:17

Why aren't the teachers looking for the fucking warning signs?
Ummm... because we do. We have a legal obligation as part of safeguarding.

But part of that is educating children so they know what is and isn't ok.

Think about these two safeguarding reports in for self harm . One started off as 'I have concerns about X but other than them being out of sorts and really withdrawn I'm not sure what's going on' and then later was followed up with a 'I think I've seen an injury'. Another starts with 'A B C came to see me at break and told me they are worried about D because D has shown them injuries and suggested they are self inflicted'. Common ideas of self harm are teens cutting but D wasn't doing that. It turns out that year group had a tutorial lesson on it that week and realised on reflection they need to tell an adult.

We also get students saying 'my friend said this about home but I really don't want her to know it was me who said'.

Those situations don't happen because teachers aren't (to quote) looking for the 'fucking warning signs'. They happen because kids tend to talk to their peers more and confide in their friends more than staff, obviously.