To be miffed about this?

[Whyhaveidonethis]

I took a call today from my (nearly 10 year old) DS's class teacher. She called me to tell me that my son had had a discussion with another child at lunchtime and the conversation went along the lines of: child a "xx is really a girl", child b then replied "is he going to kiss xx?“ to which DS then added" are they going to do sex?“. That's it. That's the full conversation.

Well apparently this has now resulted in him being given a lunch time detention. Apparently he shouldn't use words that he doesn't understand.

Totally prepared to be called unreasonable about this but that sounds like absolutely normal 10 year old stupidity and talking. I'm honestly baffled as to why the school rang me to tell me this? I had been in a meeting at work and had to step out of the meeting to take the call so I didn't actually ask any questions but I've been mulling it over ever since as to the point of the whole thing?

The school themselves held an assembly last year on LGBT (without asking parental permission, much to the disgust of some parents —not me) and how some people love the same gender, and to let them know that a boy who was going to come back the next week as a girl, was to be treated like a girl. Surely they can't expect kids not to learn about sex and relationships. I agree it is probably not appropriate to talk about it in the playground, but surely the school should have just dealt with it by telling him off. Not sure hwy they called me at work to inform me of my DS being a typical 10 year old? AIBU? Have I missed something? They were clear that it wasn't a safeguarding thing so it's not that?

Total over reaction by the school and an inappropriate way to deal with it. They should have taken this as a learning opportunity to talk to the whole class about sex/ words etc. If he's saying it then it is highly likely that others are too.

My DM still likes to tell everyone about the time my year 2 teacher called her in because I wrote ‘and they had sex, the end’ in a story. I had absolutely no idea what sex even was, I think I’d heard the word mentioned on a soap or something.

Entirely possible for a ten year old to hear the word but have no idea what it means. I think the punishment is a bit extreme.

Total overreaction from school. Those saying 10 year olds don’t talk about sex. Really they do, maybe not to their parents but to each other they will.

This does have echos in the wider world... people being questioned by the police who want to check their thinking about what it means for people to transition, pointing out the sex of people who have identified as a different gender and being accused of hate crimes.

I hear what you're saying, but I honestly cannot imagine him discussing blow jobs or sex. I don't want to bring it up with him...if I ask him and he doesn't know what it is it's opening up a whole can of worms. I certainly did not know what sex was at his age-in fact my parents never discussed it.

I assume the school staff are super sensitive because they have a trans child and are jumping on every incident of possible transphobia. Lots of kids talk about sex just as they talk about loads of other random stuff. Yanbu

Overreaction by the teacher, I wonder if this was in line with the school's policy? 'Should not be using words he doesn't understand'?! That in itself is weird, how are they going to police that?
Was the other child disciplined? Totally inappropriate response anyway I would have thought. Either the teacher should have spoken quietly to both children or told both parents to have a quiet word re talking about sex (then again how many other 'inappropriate' conversations does she not hear between kids every day...!)

Gast if you ask him and he doesn't know, then you explain it. He's ten years old! A lack of education is why my friend got pregnant at thirteen because her parents didn't tell her what could happen.

Just be factual, get a book that lays it all out and go over it with him. If you're not awkward about it then he will learn that he can ask questions and get facts. He will then grow to be safe in his practices instead of believing you can only get a girl pregnant if you're in love, or you can't get pregnant on the first time (this myth lead to another friend having twins with PKU on her very first time having sex at 17..).

This really isn't a whole lot different to the ghastly stage of toilet humour they all go through.

Shit, this was only meant to be a stage? My OH and I spent 15-20 minutes cracking up with Alexa, listening to her describe what kind of fart noise she was going to do next.

I've just come out of a meeting at a naice primary in a naice place which I hate, and where I was able to put across not too impolitely that one of the issues with my DC there is that until recently they were brought up entirely in another part of the UK where it's actually OK to take your head out of your arse, soften your upper lip, and communicate in a friendly and open manner without trouble; where we currently are, everyone is too naice to lower themselves to discuss anything but the weather and the only answer to 'how are you' is 'fine'.

If my DC want to ask me about things, they can. I don't like my youngest knowing everything but as long as anything that is asked about is replied to in context and it's understood we don't say certain things to certain people and certain things happen this way but it's for adults etc, it's fine. They have to know sometime and it's better they are educated properly about it.

I think the chn sound completely normal and the school have handled this very badly.

I really don't understand any previous comments suggesting the chn's behaviour is disgusting - it isn't, it's normal.

I've known adults who were deeply affected after being disciplined as chn for childish sexual references and it really affected them as adults. My concern here would be in helping the chn to understand that they are normal and fine and that all is well.

Of course 10 year olds talk about sex - I remember being in year 5 and looking in the dictionary (because the internet wasn't a thing) for 'sex' and 'fancying' etc.

It's totally normal to know about sex, it's totally normal to talk about it in a childish way with your peers.

In fact, I'd say it's preferable to have a working understanding of sex for procreation, and sex between loving adults.

This is a great opportunity to further educate your DS on what is and isn't appropriate conversation for school, and how talking about these things can make people feel, and all of that good stuff.

DS is 10 and is currently having sex education in class.
@TheCaddy, DD is 10 and same is happening here. (Central Scotland)

Seems really age appropriate, but I was surprised they split the boys and girls. They were also told not to talk about it outside of the class.

while curiosity is fine, there is a time and a place and school is not that place

Yes this made me laugh too. School is not the place for curiosity? I come from a family of teachers and last time I looked it's THE place for curiosity and essential for education and learning.

Sounds like the school have confused them on sex and gender go back to.the school and ask them what they are doing about this

Then educate your child in an age appropriate way

yabbers just asked DS but he said there was no comment made about what to discuss after. We are also central Scotland.

As an update the school haven't bothered to ring me back so I have no idea what their problem is. DS says that they were just being silly and I've spoken to him about appropriate language at school. I'm just annoyed by the whole thing. Making a drama about something that could have quickly and easily be dealt with is inappropriate in my opinion.