To ask what age you started to feel invisible?

[goodluckandgodspeed]

Having never been very attractive anyway I found that basically once I hit 30 I became basically invisible, once the dewy glow of youth had gone.
Now I’m 36 and totally invisible, although being a sahm probably doesn’t help because I’m adding nothing of any use to society either!
I feel nothing is aimed at you once you get older - music, tv, fashion. It’s all for young people.
Is this just me that feels like this?

OP - the most important role of all in a damaged world like ours is to raise the next generation to be kind, listen to others and look for solutions to the global crisis - big job you have on your hands there!

You are contributing to society by raising your children with love - and ensuring they do not add damage and poison to the world by being emotionally damaged themselves. Be a good neighbour, a good friend - that is contributing to society.

however - I have to say that without work I would be missing a huge part of my own creativity and brainpower - so for that reason if you genuinely feel 'invisible' maybe consider working?

Since going back to work - I am 41 - I feel absolutely on fire! I am a lot less 'visible' in terms of men eyeing me up - but I flirt, have fun, have a laugh, make people laugh, have very good ideas and generally flow with life - I hope this is the start of a very good run of years for me!

I think what people mean by being 'visible' - does just mean getting looked up and down by random men in public. I notice now it no longer happens - when I was in my 20s I just noticed men looking all the time,, whistling, chatting me up at the bar (I did a lot of pub work) - it doesn't happen now....that is being totally honest. And I think I look good still! I just don't look 'fresh and young and hot' or whatever the male eye seeks out.

It doesn’t matter how young you are, if you are pushing a pram or have young children in tow, men not to do that glancing thing.

I don't think the op does just mean appealling to the male gaze though and rating highly in terms of fuckability, to be crude.

Does being "visible" only relate to looking or feeling attractive? I thought it was more to do with being listened to, included in things, being able to voice an opinion, being able to go to whatever activity you want etc. I'm 59 and do not feel invisible but based on the above

48 and feel better than ever. Invisible to whom? Young men? That's a blessing really. I actually feel more confident even with ageing because I know who I am and appreciate my good points in all ways and am more aware of my failings. I feel I have much more to offer than I did in my 20s.
I never feel things are aimed at youth. I love fashion and music and have teen DDs who have introduced me to new stuff.
Never give in, never surrender.Age is a mere number.

I’m adding nothing of any use to society either! "

Oh you so are!!! You are raising the next generation. don't ever think that again!

Probably 50

But I don't care, being in the spotlight doesn't interest me

7 I think

Goodluck you are taking full care of your child, surely bringing up a child to be a healthy, decent person is one of the best jobs anyone can do, if not THE best?

You only have to look at the other extreme at the children who are abandoned or neglected/badly treated to see how valuable the role of a good parent is.

You are certainly not invisible, only your wages packet is I'm afraid.

YABU, you are absolutely not irrelevant, like someone said up thread, you are raising the next generation, that's a really important job.

Agree shadypines the only thing invisible is the wage packet!

In terms of the male gaze, invisibility in that respect hasn't happened to me yet, am 47, although those men that look at me in "that" way are now older, unless I'm on a night out and dressed better/make-up then the younger men still look.

It bothered me when I was younger and I had less confidence, and there was more cat-calls/leering, at least that type of attention has gone which is a good thing IMO.

Yes, “visible” to whom, men? Why would you like people to notice you, what would you like from them?

At work I’m visible to colleagues, performing my job.

Am conscious of the “male gaze” when interacting with dads I know at school, eg if I consider them attractive, and on evenings out with friends and acquaintances, when many of the other women are dressed up, make up, hair, slim etc, some of the (married) men are mildly flirtatious. I don’t enjoy those evenings.

It's so depressing that people feel invisible or visible based on their looks. Seriously is that all we are is that what makes you relevant or valued? it isn't what makes me feel relevant it's personality all the way for me. I would say Mary beard is far more interesting and contributes far more than say Amanda holden (sorry Amanda feels mean saying that). I know which one I would want to have dinner with.

I have found, broadly speaking, that both men and women have rather ignored my existence because I am not appealing to the eye. Countless times, literally countless, over the years I have seen more attractive people be treated better than me, whether at school, university, the workplace, socially. I have been looked through, often treated with impatience and rudeness, when others get great sparkling service. I’m not sure even those of you who are or were attractive have any idea how different life is. I’m sure there are some advantages - as I said, I have been told quite often how unattractive I am by strange men, but I don’t get leered at or felt up. But I don’t get much attention unless and until I have created a deeper relationship with someone, and quite a lot of the time people aren’t interested in doing so. I hope it does mean the connections I do have are genuine.

I am round the corner from 40 but don't? But l have been told l look younger and have a fair few younger friends. I have a range of interests which keep me busy and a job that isn't too dreadful while keeping me in clothes and chocolate. If you are alluding to male attention then that wouldn't bother me. I am in a long term relationship l am happy in and when it happened would find being chatted up very awkward

Divebar looking glamorous or wearing make up aren't what make people memorable, especially not to people not attracted to that biological sex! What people say and how confidently they say it is what makes them memorable. You're talking about school gate interactions - are you discussing high culture and judging make-up, or actually talking and listening?

Sometimes of course people are very visible and memorable for negative reasons.

teddybear45 wtf was the "if you're beautiful you'll never be invisible" comment in aid of, on a post where the original poster opens with an assessment of herself as someone who's never been attractive? Was that a deliberate attempt to stick the boot in, or just massively lacking in self awareness?

I'm 54 and I don't seem to be invisible.
I have a busy job working with teens and families and constantly on training courses, I have a great group of friends that care about me, I have a family that love me and include me on everything from meals to gigs to trips.
I still get attention from the opposite sex but I don't want it need it.
I thing age and interests are more fluid than they used to be.
For example when I was young I would shop for clothes , generally speaking, as my parents but now both my 19 year old son and 74 year old dad will pick things up from Next, H&M and other shops in the mall. The age range at a lot of gigs is wide, much wider than when I was a teen. Same with hobbies, my kids who are late teens and early 29s play cricket and hockey with guys in their mid to late 50s.
I think because of these things I dont think in invisible but blend and fit in with society.

I work with a 60 yr old woman who is really fit and stylish in a youthful way. She makes me laugh , has so much wisdom and I never think of her being old or invisible. I also work with some 40 yr olds who look and act older than her. It's a state of mind.

OP in the last few years I started to feel this. My joints started going so exercise was less and less,my skin is turning red at any processed food, I've started to put on weight and gotten a bit of a lot belly. I went to the hairdresser for the first time in a year and a half and something shifted so the following day I went for a really long walk and then bought a magazine. It's honestly like you forget you're a human sometimes and I totally understand feeling you don't contribute. You are not invisible and you're not old. You need to take whatever steps you can to remember what you used yo be like. Listen to some music you used to love, take some time out, go for a walk somewhere special, try something new and take care x

My visiblity is improving with age. Motherhood has given me a pinch of gravitas

Being built like a 12 year old and being fresh faced too was a bad combination. One night in a bar when I was 20, it took me over half an hour to get served at a bar, by which time everyone else assumed I'd got the last bus home and moved on to the next bar and I ended up having to neck the bloody drink and hunt for them. Countless times my fellow teachers would completely overlook me in a sea of y7s and ask where their teacher was. In queues, I'd get queue jumped because the person serving or person around me would assume I was the child of someone else. It was handy shortly after I bought a house and straightfaced told the double glazing guy that no my parents weren't in and no I didn't know when they'd be home. I was a mother in my 30s

Other than obvious places like nightclubs, I've not had too much male attention, and that's been fine. I settled down with DH early on anyway. A shame people assumed he was my dad though

I aim to grow old disgracefully. I'm prepared to trade in my natural style and go bold when I get older

anothernotherone

I’m talking about the things that make me feel good about myself and make me feel confident. Making an effort with my appearance and engaging in all the events I do makes me invigorated, engaged, happy and confident. ( mostly... it’s bloody tough sometimes). Im not some stunner... I’m a size 16/18 for a start. I’m not saying I judge people by their appearance but if someone looks a little drab, doesn’t appear to care too much about their appearance AND doesn’t seem to have much of a life beyond their children then no I don’t think they’re very memorable overall. If someone doesn’t feel great or good about themselves then that is reflected in how they hold themselves and engage with the rest of the world ( including at the school gates). I think the OP sounds rather flat - like she’s lost herself a little bit. Being “ invisible” is not all about age it’s about confidence and attitude.

I am oogled therefore I am.

teyem

I've always been plain and overweight so I've always been invisible. I'm amazed I managed to find my DH as he's not bad looking!