To ask what age you started to feel invisible?

[goodluckandgodspeed]

Having never been very attractive anyway I found that basically once I hit 30 I became basically invisible, once the dewy glow of youth had gone.
Now I’m 36 and totally invisible, although being a sahm probably doesn’t help because I’m adding nothing of any use to society either!
I feel nothing is aimed at you once you get older - music, tv, fashion. It’s all for young people.
Is this just me that feels like this?

Well I’ve never felt irrelevant but I became invisible to the opposite sex at about 32 when I became fat. I’m 40 now and no longer fat or invisible

Surely there was a thread about this recently?

I'm 30 and feeling a bit like this. Also a SAHM for the next two years. I'm normally a teacher so tend to feel far from invisible everyday when at work! But now, I feel boring, and yes invisible. I also imagine as tge kids grow it becomes better again.

teyem it’s not that I don’t like the ‘current’ stuff it’s more that I feel it isn’t meant for me so I shouldn’t access it.

OP what kind of stuff do you mean and why do you think you "shouldn't" access it?

As soon as I hit 30......

Irrelevant to who?

Mid 40s, not invisible. I feel attractive despite the fact I'm not 25 anymore. Age is just a number anyway. I feel full of life and vitality.

Change your mindset, OP

I'm 39 and definitely dont feel invisible and hope I dont until I'm at least 60

When I had my first dc

goodluckandgodspeed do you really think you shouldn't listen to music or watch films or buy clothes because you don't think you're the target market? The culture of youth has done a number on you.

If you're invisible embrace it, you can do wtf you want.

Seriously it sounds as though perhaps you're depressed or have self esteem issues if you really feel that you're not worthy of "accessing" music and film etc - that's pretty extreme. Perhaps a GP visit if you have consistent low mood and lack of self worth.

If you're fairly sure it's not depression though just get out there and do stuff.

Radio 6 is aimed at the middle aged if you're looking for music, and give the 'fortunately' podcasts from fi Glover and Jane Garvey a listen - hilarious and life affirming, though really you're 10 years too young (but all ages listen seriously)!

Invisibility holds no fear for me. I've never set too much store by how I appear to others, and as for unwanted attention from male strangers, IMO, no one will ever gain validation through that. Who cares what misogynistic strangers think anyway? Flattery is probably the last thing that's motivating them.

Irrelevance is another matter entirely. If this is how you feel about yourself and your life, it may be time to work on your self esteem. 36 is a bit too early to be feeling the world has no relevance and that music etc are for 'young' people! (I speak as a die-hard rock/goth fan, now into my 40s, couldn't care less which genres are in fashion, dresses like an ageing hippy and have never given so much of a thought to whether I'm either relevant or visible)!

Sending you a hug, because it sucks to feel like this. I hope you get to the root causes and restore your former happiness.

I'm 44 and think I look better than I did in my 20s. I'm just healthier and happier. I was never the sort of woman who would stop traffic but I still get a few glances from men.

45

although being a sahm probably doesn’t help because I’m adding nothing of any use to society either!

Umm, you're bringing up children?! How is that nothing?

I'm over 50 and not invisible.
In fact I went to pay a tab in a pub recently but they couldn't find me, the bar man called over to a colleague and the barmaid had put me in the system as ' the hot lady'
I don't mind telling you I was bloody delighted

Poor you, OP. You sound depressed, and IME it’s very easy to get into that mindset when at home with small children. How about looking for some fun things to do in the evenings? Not necessarily cool things - I’ve found the best bit of getting older has been deciding exactly what I like and sod what everyone else is doing.

FWIW I’ve been overweight and unattractive all my life so generally used to being invisible to large parts of society (apart from the charming men who like to tell me how little they want to sleep with me of course). But my husband, kids and friends can see me, so I do OK.

50. And it was a relief. Not more getting followed. Able to organise a business meeting without the other person getting the wrong idea. It’s liberating.

The downside is some people stop being polite.

I'm 52 and have never felt more visible to be honest

If you are beautiful then you never become invisible so long as you take care of yourself.

I've never felt like that even when i was a SM, i worked part time when the kid's were small so i alway's had adult conversation after work the house and kid's kept me occupied, in my 50's now and life is good, i'm sorry your feeling that way, don't you have any friend's that you can invite over for a glass of wine at the weekend's

If you think you’re invisible at 36 then it’s not because of your age, it’s because you probably haven’t got the time to make an effort with your appearance.

I had always looked very young for my age but at 50 I suddenly looked like an old woman. Had a mini facelift not to look younger, just to feel better.

Nobody would ever describe me as invisible, ever

If you are beautiful

I'm not. In the slightest. But I'm still neither invisible nor irrelevant

I don’t intend ever be invisible.... my mum isn’t and she’s in her 70s and still very much glamorous and well turned out. I’m 49 and working in Central London everyday. I still make an effort with hair, clothes and make up because it makes me feel confident and good about myself. That’s the thing that stops me being invisible. Plus I take time out to go to lots of theatre, gigs, ballet, art exhibitions etc ( I’m not loaded I’m just good at finding cheap tickets ) so I feel connected somewhat with what’s happening culturally. I know a number of mums and some stand out more than others. Some I find are slightly martyrs to their families and don’t seem to do anything that isn’t child focused. They’re nice but not very memorable. You don’t need to go to lots of events to be engaged with the world. You don’t need to buy clothes or make up but you do need to find the things that make you feel good about yourself because that confidence is what people see.

To the people who feel relevant and visible because they look young and thin and beautiful...

In what way do you feel more relevant and visible than the fat, the old and the ugly?