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AIBU?

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Original poster

Will he always be like this?

99 replies

fitbitfreak · 06/06/2019 12:02

New boyfriend of some months .Honest and straight up with me but a mummy's boy so can be spoilt and self obsessed at times. He is generally very sweet. Very popular etc.
He has been honest from the get go that he likes his own company and to spend time on his own regularly. No problem there. He said too that he likes to spend plenty of time on his hobbies and with his friends. He has a large amount of friends and hobbies. I'm happy with that. What I am not happy about is that he can only fit me in around these choices . I thought he would increase face to face contact as time progressed but it is still the same. Any similar experiences please. Will it ever improve if like this early on in the relationship.

OP posts:
AudacityOfHope · 06/06/2019 13:56

He's told you straight out that he doesn't want to see you often.

I think you need to remember that and act accordingly. Put your self respect before him.

NabooThatsWho · 06/06/2019 13:59

He is showing you exactly who he is, so don’t expect him to change.

Don’t settle for the scraps he will throw you when it suits him.

Whatisthisfuckery · 06/06/2019 14:10

No, of course it won’t get better. The first months of a relationship is where you can’t get enough of each other. If he’s more bothered about his hobbies and alone time during this period then he’s clearly not that bothered.

Sorry OP, he sounds like a waste of your energy.

midsomermurderess · 06/06/2019 14:10

If that's how he is, you're not going to change him.

darjeelingisrank · 06/06/2019 14:15

Get rid of him and get some standards and self-respect before dating again! Mama's boys never change and are never, ever good relationship material. The relationships board is full of women who naively believed such men are and are now shackled with kids to a lazy, spoilt, entitled wanker.

You're not his girlfriend in his view, just some gal he sees from time to time when he fancies a bit of sex and a cuddle.

KatharinaRosalie · 06/06/2019 14:18

Don't make someone your priority if you're just an option for them. Yeah, he's just not that into you.

SignedUpJust4This · 06/06/2019 14:24

You are convenient sex for him I'm afraid.

Jonette · 06/06/2019 14:28

No - if he was into you he'd make time for you.

ReanimatedSGB · 06/06/2019 14:28

Please bear in mind that it's perfectly OK for him to have more important things on his mind than The Relationship. He has been upfront about the fact that he has a full and interesting life and, while you are welcome to spend time with him when he has time, you're not his top priority.
I think you're in danger of making the mistake a lot of women make, which is substituting Having A Relationship for having a life, and therefore focussing on any man they can find and labelling him The One even when he's no more than a pleasant enough Will Do For Now. What do you do with your spare time? Are you desperate to 'settle down'? Don't be so desperate that you devote loads of effort to persuading a not-that-interested man he has to be your life partner: it will not make either of you happy.

PositiveVibez · 06/06/2019 14:28

You need to be somebody's choice, not somebody's option

Notabedofroses · 06/06/2019 14:33

No, I think it is time to reconsider whether he is right for you.

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 06/06/2019 14:34

I agree. If he’s not squeezing in every possible minute with you in the exciting, heady, early days of romance it’s not going to improve as the passion wears off.

He clearly doesn’t want what you do from this relationship so I think it’s time to call it a day and move on. Don’t settle.

carla1983 · 06/06/2019 14:34

I would kick him to the curb. I say that as someone who was involved for 18 months with a scenario that sounds uncannily like your guy. I waited 18 months was patient but never did become more of a priority. Don't make the mistake I made and make someone a priority who sees you as their option. You can do better!!

ifonly4 · 06/06/2019 14:34

I don't think he's going to change. At the start of most new relationships, you want to see more of the other person, so I wonder if it's likely to get worse.

What sort of hobbies does he have? What does he do with his friends? Can you join in? From the start of our relationship my DH would have been happy for me to join him in the gym, go out with his friends. I wasn't sure about joining his mates, but fast forward a good few years I join them once a month for a drink, meal or to watch sports - I get on well with them and don't think they mind. Is this something you could join in with sometimes - I wonder how he'd react if you asked to join them for a one off drink?

madcatladyforever · 06/06/2019 14:35

Fuck that! Run for the hills. If I'm not his number one priority I don't want to know.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 06/06/2019 14:37

Looks like you come way down his list of priorities. If it’s like this now whilst you’re still in the honeymoon period, you’ll be a bloody after thought in a few years time

DistanceCall · 06/06/2019 14:41

No, it's not going to change for the foreseeable future. You come second (or third, or fourth). Your choice.

Original poster
fitbitfreak · 06/06/2019 14:42

I have a good interesting life. I work, I see family and have a few close friends. I play a sport. I have much more free time than he does after those activities . We get on terribly well . He is unusually close to his mother . He spends a good deal of time with her and loves going home weekly to her home cooking and spending time with her . He likes to be minded and cared for and fawned over by her and at times by me .. likes to be cooked for and told that he is amazing in every way . He too is kind and generous when we are together . He is tender towards me and cares when I am poorly. I fit neatly into his ' girlfriend' box and while I think he would be a super dad, I would be worried what he could be like as a life partner ?
Right now, I feel like dumping his sorry ass .

OP posts:
gamerchick · 06/06/2019 14:45

So you're basically a booty call? Someone to service his physical needs to top off his life?

Unless you don't dtd much.

Justmuddlingalong · 06/06/2019 14:46

Have you met any of his friends or family? Or are you kept separate?

Boysey45 · 06/06/2019 14:49

Fucking hell, no OP, hes just using you for sex.
Please just drop him, the time your spending with him is wasted. You could be out with friends or with a special man who wants a relationship and will put you first.
Your stringing yourself along here totally.

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 06/06/2019 14:51

Chuck him back in the sea.
He's using you for fuck.
You can do better than him.

InionEile · 06/06/2019 14:51

Depends on what age he is. If he’s 25 then he could well change and be ready to commit once he is older. It’s not unusual for someone in their 20s to prioritize friendships, hobbies and fun over committing to a serious relationship. If he’s closer to 40 than 30, however, then I would say, no he won’t change. He has found a lifestyle that works for him and sees no need to change anything by starting a family or getting married.

DistanceCall · 06/06/2019 14:52

Sounds like a very nice fuckbuddy. A real boyfriend progressing into a life partner? No, not really.

Pinkvoid · 06/06/2019 14:52

No this won’t change and being brutally honest, I don’t think he’s overly serious about you.

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