To not want to be resented by my husband?

[Brokenhearted30]

I will try and keep this brief whilst giving as much background info as I possibly can.

I'm 30, DH is 39. Four kids (12, 6, 3 and 6 months). When I was pregnant with DC 4 I developed a blood clot, which turned into a pulmonary embolism, which turned into heart failure and pulmonary hypertension .

I was able to look after the children during the day until November but then my health rapidly declined and we decided that DH would have to take a career break. I have made arrangements to be assessed for care for myself and the children because DH is keen to go back to work full time.

DH has been very obviously unhappy about being a stay at home dad right from the start, so I've felt pressure to put in other arrangements. Anyway, last night I said I was worried that we weren't going to get the care help we needed and I was worried that he'd resent me if he could go back to work until DC 4 was at school (he's allowed up to a five year career break).

After I said about being worried DH said absolutely nothing to which I got upset asking him if he was even going to deny it to which he said "Would you rather I lied to you?" Then he kind of put it that we both had our crosses to be and being resented by my husband was mine

Am I being unreasonable to not want to be resented for being poorly?

Im sorry you are ill Decomposing but i think you are projecting.

OP has not grumped at her DH HE has done that.

And HE is the one moaning about childcare but doesnt believe that should be done outside of family.

HelenaDove

Me saying that I was short tempered was just an example.

The rest is still relevant - my husband's life is terrible right now and that is entirely down to my ill health. The fact that I'm ill doesn't make the pressure that he's under, either physically or mentally, any easier does it?

Honestly, I wouldn't blame him if he left me. His life would be so much better if he wasn't here having to do what he has to do. I'm not even 50 yet - is it honestly fair to expect him to live like this for possibly another 40 years?

And HE is the one moaning about childcare but doesnt believe that should be done outside of family.

And yes, that might be a solution. But they have 4 children don't they? Could they afford for 4 lots of childcare? And doesn't the OP also need some care too? So who would provide that if the husband went to work?

UPDATE: Hi again everyone. Just thought I'd pop back for an update. Thanks for all of your replies by the way .

Ugh! DH STILL isn't bloody happy! I managed to sort out basically full time care for myself and our two youngest children so that he could return to work. I did put forward to him that I would rather that for now that he worked school hours so that he could drop off/pick up the two eldest DC's. He is annoyed because he wants to work 9:00 to 5:00!

His work have already signed off to say that he can stay off work until September but he umm'd and ahh'd about being off during the summer holidays! And now he's just been sat with a cob on saying lots of negative things like "knowing our luck they won't find someone in time" and complaining that he'll have to wash the dishes when he gets home from work!

I just think he's got some brass bloody cheek! Me and my mum have worked our bollocks off to get this care sorted. Someone is basically going to be caring for his kids for him and looking after me for free and he's still complaining!