Children Fucked It Up We're Each Others Babysitter

[ChildrenFuckedItUp]

Ten years we had together then we had kids. Ten years later and we've hardly had any time alone together. No nights away, or in, without kids (nobody we'd trust or the kids would be comfortable with overnight yet). DP has formed friendships with a number of people and sees them often. I find socialising difficult so haven't done the same. I feel so lonely and miserable sometimes. Like I've lost my best friend (DP).

AIBU? I know I am, but FFS! And then they're little shits sometimes like today. Drives me up the wall.

YABU to not have had a night away from kids in 10years...sorry this is all you own doing, thats ridiculous.

How old are your kids? Just book a babysitter and go for dinner or to the cinema

Children didn't fuck it up, you did.

Sorry you're feeling frustrated.

If the eldest is 10, what is their bedtime routine like? Why don't you get any time after that?

Can you hire a babysitter to have them til say midnight? That way you can go out and have a good time, but not leave them overnight?
Or would they go to a family member for a day out so you can have some time together in the day?

Does DH know you feel isolated and alone? It's great he's got friends, but not fair if he's out all week and you're stuck home alone

You have absolutely no one your kids can have a sleep over with? They don't have school friends to have a sleep over with?
You've no friends or family?

No evenings out together? My dc are 5 and 7 and dh and I have never had a night away from them, but I don't see this as an issue. We've had plenty of evenings or days out.

No it's not ridiculous. We haven't either. If you have no family to help and few close friends or those you do have their own children to deal with, it happens very easily. Not everyone is comfortable with babysitters they don't know. Why make someone feeling rubbish feel more inadequate. Mine have additional needs as well which makes it impossible but even if they didn't I can see how it happens.

Presumably your kids are almost 10.then? In that case you need to make the effort. Theres no reason you cant have a night out.

You need to find a babysitter so you can have a night out occasionally. Are the kids all at school. Could you both take a day off and go out for lunch.

Blimey... poor OP !! Give her a break, she's feeling rubbish and looking for a bit of a safe rant...

Redglitter tbf the kids could be 10, 6, 4 and 3 months.

Arrange a sitter and go out after bedtime, have a take away and wine together after bedtime, book a day off and have lunch together whilst they're at school?

Lunch dates. Make an effort to meet for lunch once a month or so.

It’s bit ridiculous, or unfeasible. We have no local family. We had a babysitter for a brief period after dd got over her utter dislike of anyone other than DH or I putting her to bed, and the babysitter going away to university. One of the dc May occassionally go to a sleepover, but never both at the same time!

I'm like you OP, I'm too tight to pay for a babysitter though :) also, most only do children over about 5, and only one or two of them. The good side of all this is though that the more you go out as a family the better the behaviour gets, not quite like date night, but we usually have a good laugh all together and we get out for tea now and then, and lunch a lot.

I haven't had a night out with my husband in 5 years. We have 4 kids my my parents only take two at a time and my Grandparents will only take the older three or youngest one and eldest one.

Papa John's, Netflix, Prime and the odd Mojito get us through. 18 months I reckon and eldest can babysit the next eldest and the other two can go with family!

I can smell freedom already!

If the DC are at school/childcare, both of you take a day off work and enjoy the day together.

Sorry, “bit” should be “not” in the first line of my previous post.

Surely you have nights in when the kids are in bed?
I am a single mum and I have fun nights in with kids at home. I think it can be done
But you need to consider the babysitting

Oh blimey.

No nights away I said. As in an evening, then a night, without kids. We've had evenings out.

Kids both have issues and struggle to be without at least one of us for overnights.

My DD is nearly 9 and we're in the same position.

People that come on here with smartarse answers need to understand we are all in different situations and just because they've had 'date night' every week since their kids were a month old, doesn't mean that option is open to all of us, whether real or imagined.

I feel for you OP, its a very lonely life at times.

Sure if you hang on in there with this thread, someone will come on with some words of wisdom.

@Boneshere surely you are sorted then. Eldest and youngest to your GPs middle 2 with your parents.

x post - we don't even get nights out!

Overnights? As in as a parent you sleepover elsewhere for a night?

Nah, I have no idea what that is.

Said by a parent of 12 years

If you don't force the babysitting then it'll never happen! Me and my DH neglect each other but two years into the parenting thing and we've gone half way across the world without our little one. We try and have regular date nights as much as possible. You have to just do it, no excuses!

People that come on here with smartarse answers need to understand we are all in different situations

This. MN is so quick to kick somebody whilst they’re down.

I’m sorry you’re feeling low. It’s time to try and address this and have some time. Can your parents and in laws help?