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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About this shop assistant?

61 replies

Wolfdog · 05/06/2019 21:26

My special needs dd seems to be having issues with a member of staff in a well known store but I don't know if I'm being over sensitive or not.

My dd has various special needs.
It has taken us years to get her to go into stores without us. It's been a real battle. In addition to special needs she also has a history of selective mutism and still struggles to speak to strangers and gets quite anxious about it.

Most of the staff are great but we have had one in particular. Firstly last week my dd gave this women too much money as it's something she struggles with. Instead of just saying dd had given her too much and handing it back she made a huge deal of it in front of others and commented loudly how my daughter still hadn't learned to count have you. DD was mortified.
I know she didn't know and told DD to ignore her.

Today my dd went into the same store and the lady serving held DDs change in her hand but wouldn't hand it over until my dd said thank you. DD didn't understand why she wasn't giving her her change and got panicky before the woman slowly said thank you before finally handing over the money.

While of course I've taught to be polite and have manners she really struggles talking to people but usually mumbles thanks without eye contact after she's got her change not before. My daughter was very worked up and rang me upset right before her GCSE exam as she thought she was not getting her money back.

Clearly this woman doesn't know DD has significant SN but still...

Aibu and oversensitive or should I say something?

OP posts:

BabySoupDragonsMummy · 05/06/2019 21:29

I think you should say something, she shouldn’t be treating anyone that way. Sorry your daughter was upset.

TheInvestigator · 05/06/2019 21:29

I’d be pissed off if someone treated me that way! Sometimes, with 2 kids to keep my eye on, I hand over too much money! If the shop assistance spoke to me in that manner because of it, I’d be complaining! It’s really not OK to be rude and belittle people, and that’s what she’s doing so have a word with her manager or email their head office complaints department.

saladfingers · 05/06/2019 21:31

How awful. My DD ia a selective mute with anxiety issues. She would have been mortified if treated like this. How rude and offensive to behave towards anyone like this. I would speak to the manager. for your DD hope the exam went well after this trauma

midgwit · 05/06/2019 21:32

She sounds like a rude cow. Are you sure she doesn't know your daughter has special needs? I only ask as it may be that she thinks she can get away with being so rude to her as she assumes she won't make a complaint or say anything back.
I'd get her name and complain to her manager or to head office, if it's a chain store.

firsttimebabybirther · 05/06/2019 21:33

You need to go in and ask to speak to the manager. I'm a retail manager and would be mortified if any of my colleagues where treating customers that way. I really hope your DD hasn't lost all confidence and it sounds as though it's not your DD who needs to learn manners.

Maybe give them a ring if you don't feel comfortable doing it face to face.

MrsxRocky · 05/06/2019 21:34

Even without her vulnerabilities I think this staff member attitude to your daughter is wrong.
Is it definitely the same person?

TeddybearBaby · 05/06/2019 21:34

She sounds like a bit of a bully tbh! Does she do these things to your daughter in front of you?! I don’t think you’re being over sensitive at all. No need for her to be so nasty! 💐

Original poster

Wolfdog · 05/06/2019 21:38

Thank you.

Yes definitely the same person.

No not Infront of me or I would have said something to her.
It's the store near DDs school.

OP posts:

BigRedLondonBus · 05/06/2019 21:38

That sounds really awful. Yanbu at all.

tor8181 · 05/06/2019 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bokky · 05/06/2019 21:43

YANBU at all. I'd complain. How could your DD say thank you when she hadn't been handed her money?

BrightYellowDaffodil · 05/06/2019 21:44

Absolutely not being unreasonable.

I’m sure being a shop assistant isn’t easy or pleasant but customers don’t HAVE to say thank you or handover correct change, and it’s certainly not for staff to insist on it.

I’d be explaining the consequences of this behaviour on your daughter to the manager. And the head office, as this behaviour is extremely intolerant of the differently abled.

ButterflyBitch · 05/06/2019 21:45

Some people are just utter fuckwits. My daughter had selective mutism but she is 5 so still has me to help her in tricky situations.
There’s just no understanding from people sometimes. The only hope I can give you is that not everyone in this world are shits. Some people understand and will be a help rather than a hindrance.

Coolcoolcoolcoolcool · 05/06/2019 21:48

I would definitely complain. It's bizarre that the cashier would talk to anyone that way, I don't think many teenagers would just be able to brush incidents like that off regardless of SN. The fact that your daughter has SN just makes it worse. I bet she is lovely to the adults who come into the shop and is only cruel to teenagers on their own as they're unlikely to make a complaint.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 05/06/2019 21:49

Why DD say thank you before the woman gave her the change? you say thank you after someone gives you something.

The woman sounds like a nasty piece of work. I would contact the store manager and complain about the staff members behaviour.

Also, would you consider getting a JAM card for your daughter?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 05/06/2019 21:52

And I will bet anything this woman does know your DD has SN. She knows DD won’t speak up.

ComeAndDance · 05/06/2019 21:54

Actually I suspect the woman somehow knows that your dd has some SN. That’s why she feels she acts like this. I would be surprised she is doing that to any other teenager. She would just get a mouthful (with reasons tbh)

I also wouldn’t have a word with the woman but with her manager.

TurboTeddy · 05/06/2019 21:58

If the assistant doesn't know your daughter has special needs then she's just being incredibly rude but if she does know and is doing this then she is a vile bully. Either way I think a complaint is justified. And perhaps her manager needs to tell her she doesn't have the manners or social skills for a customer facing role. I hope this hasn't impacted your daughters confidence too much.

PicnicAtHangingRock · 05/06/2019 22:03

I agree that this woman’s behaviour was rude and even in the event that she was acting with best intentions (which I doubt), it is not her place to teach her customers a lesson and put them in their place, whoever they are. I think you are entitled to complain, but I agree with PP in that you should approach the manger. I wouldn’t go to her directly.

In some ways, your daughter’s special needs are beside the point, because under no circumstances should this woman behave like this toward any customer. I bet she would think twice before being so rude to a middle-aged middle class professional though.

Having said all that, the poor woman probably has issues of her own to be acting like such a wally and a gentle word from management would hopefully be enough to set her straight.

It’s good at least that your DD could talk to you about it and knew that it wasn’t right and you have obviously been sympathetic and shown your support. You can reassure her that the next time she comes across one of life’s unfortunate berks, it’s not you, DD, it’s them.

magneticmumbles · 05/06/2019 22:03

I thought everyone said thank you as their change was being handed back. Why would you say thank you before the transaction is over??

Go in there and put that silly person in her place.

Butterfly84 · 05/06/2019 22:05

Nasty and definitely not cut out to be working in a customer-facing role. You go out of your way to make the customer feel welcome and happy, not demeaned.

sqirrelfriends · 05/06/2019 22:05

Definitely not being unreasonable!

I'm sorry this woman has been so awful to your DD.

I hate to make assumptions but it sounds like this woman has picked up on your DD's nervousness and is being a bully because she thinks she can get away with it! She will probably just carry on unless addressed, personally I would go to her manager.

Sussana30 · 05/06/2019 22:07

Pop into the shop tomorrow and have a word with the manager about this.

It doesn't have to be a full on formal complaint. A conversation might be more helpful.

I hope her exam went really well despite this incident. Poor thing.

Original poster

Wolfdog · 05/06/2019 22:09

I didn't get the saying thank you before getting the money either.
Basically from how DD described it she help her hand closed with DDs money in it over the top of DDs hand (DD had put her hand out to receive her change but didn't hand it over.
She then said thank you slowly to dd before DD said thank you and then she handed over the money .
I can only assume DD has taken the money and not said thanks in the past and she had decided to teach her a lesson/manners.

OP posts:

Moongirl10 · 05/06/2019 22:09

Agree with everyone saying why would she say thank you before receiving her change?

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