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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this shop assistant?

61 replies

Wolfdog · 05/06/2019 21:26

My special needs dd seems to be having issues with a member of staff in a well known store but I don't know if I'm being over sensitive or not.

My dd has various special needs.
It has taken us years to get her to go into stores without us. It's been a real battle. In addition to special needs she also has a history of selective mutism and still struggles to speak to strangers and gets quite anxious about it.

Most of the staff are great but we have had one in particular. Firstly last week my dd gave this women too much money as it's something she struggles with. Instead of just saying dd had given her too much and handing it back she made a huge deal of it in front of others and commented loudly how my daughter still hadn't learned to count have you. DD was mortified.
I know she didn't know and told DD to ignore her.

Today my dd went into the same store and the lady serving held DDs change in her hand but wouldn't hand it over until my dd said thank you. DD didn't understand why she wasn't giving her her change and got panicky before the woman slowly said thank you before finally handing over the money.

While of course I've taught to be polite and have manners she really struggles talking to people but usually mumbles thanks without eye contact after she's got her change not before. My daughter was very worked up and rang me upset right before her GCSE exam as she thought she was not getting her money back.

Clearly this woman doesn't know DD has significant SN but still...

Aibu and oversensitive or should I say something?

OP posts:
Ifigotherewillbedouble · 05/06/2019 22:09

Oh your poor DD - I agree with PPs that whether or not this woman knows your DD has SN, she is either extremely rude or unforgivably cruel. Definitely speak to the manager - I hope your daughter has been able to do her best at her exam, despite how she was left feeling

EmeraldShamrock · 05/06/2019 22:09

Definitely say something, I don't think I would waste my breath on her but I would contact head office.
My daughter with SEN often hands over cash and walks away, she can't count out money, I'd be fuming.
We have a cow in our local shop, DD was tapping trying to choose something, cow lady was packing cigarettes with her back turned, she turned to DD to say were you tapping for me to turn, DD said No in shock, cow lady said you're very lucky you weren't. She shit her pants when I asked her how is she lucky, are you threatening my DD, she didn't see me near.

ReanimatedSGB · 05/06/2019 22:09

This woman is definitely getting a kick out of upsetting your DD. It's not difficult, it really isn't, to tell the difference between a teenager who is a bit anxious/awkward/has SN and someone who is behaving like an arrogant prick because they think shop staff deserve no courtesy. I'd have some sympathy with a shopworker who was a bit snarky with someone who was treating the shop staff with contempt. But this woman sounds like the sort of bully who can smell weakness and will have a bit of fun with anyone she thinks she can easily upset and frighten.

Original poster
Wolfdog · 05/06/2019 22:10

*held not help!

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 05/06/2019 22:13

I'd have been into that shop already and ripped her a new attitude in Customer Care OP Flowers

GabsAlot · 05/06/2019 22:13

You still havent learned to count? How dare she there could be all sorts of reasons why someone has trouble with numbers

Definitely complain to the manager its disgusting

Lilicat1013 · 05/06/2019 22:17

She knows you daughter has special needs, she very clearly understands your daughter is vulnerable and wont answer back. That's why she is doing it.

I worked as a cashier, loads of customers don't say please or thank you. You aren't allowed to comment on it. Giving too much money is common as well, some elderly customers will hand you their entire purse/wallet to take the correct cash out.

She is a vile bully, definitely complain or alternative have someone go in with your daughter and act like they aren't with her. Join the queue behind your daughter so they can see it for themselves. When it's their turn to be served tell them to get a manager over a report it.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2019 22:20

Agree with Lilicat, she def knows you're daughter has some sort of issues, which is why she's being a bullying nasty bitch. Please report her.

If she tried that on with a typical 15 / 16 yo she'd get a mouthful of abuse in all liklihood, so she's def picked up on your daughters vulnerability.

Is it a chain or an independent store? Can she point out the staff member to you so you can report her with name?

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2019 22:21

have someone go in with your daughter and act like they aren't with her. Join the queue behind your daughter so they can see it for themselves. When it's their turn to be served tell them to get a manager over a report it. this is a great idea.

SunshineCake · 05/06/2019 22:21

Could you be in the shop and watch form a slight distance then step in if she's bullying your child again ?You don't have to say immediately you're her mum..

Nofunkingworriesmate · 05/06/2019 22:22

Maybe the lady is ( very badly) trying to be helpful/educational ? I knew an old lady who spoke shockingly patronising to people in wheelchairs etc it was mortifying and one day one of the customers complained breaking her heart as she genuinely was coming from a good place and was a super kind person just getting it wrong ( as your daughter does sometimes) rather than going in all guns blazing or making a complaint ( which will just make her defensive) how about a quiet word with her and educate her

Yabbers · 05/06/2019 22:26

Yeah, I’d be having words with the company. Not her place to “teach” any child anything. SN or not, she would not do this to the adults who can’t count or say thank you (and there are plenty of them) she shouldn’t do it with children.

RoboticSealpup · 05/06/2019 22:27

how about a quiet word with her and educate her

Nah. She's just an asshole.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2019 22:28

Nofuckingworries this she made a huge deal of it in front of others and commented loudly how my daughter still hadn't learned to count have you doesn't sound like someone who is trying to be helpful. People hand over the wrong coins all the time.

BuildBuildings · 05/06/2019 22:30

I would speak to the manager and suggest the staff do some training on how to work with customers who have additional needs. This makes me think that your dd is not the only one not being treated well by this woman.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/06/2019 22:38

I'd go in and speak to the manager, and I'd also right to Head office.

MadameButterface · 05/06/2019 22:39

I've worked in retail/service industry and people not saying thank you are part and parcel of the job. I would bet my house that when it's a bog standard rude arrogant fucker who treats all service providers like their own personal staff that she just sucks it up and gets on with her day rather than getting all miss manners. it's cruel and bullying behaviour that she would treat a shy kid like this. I am constantly gobsmacked how many people think they can get away with talking to teenagers like shit on their shoe, you see it a lot with bus drivers. definitely speak to a manager.

MadameButterface · 05/06/2019 22:41

"Maybe the lady is ( very badly) trying to be helpful/educational ?"

I wonder if this lady attempts to 'help' confident NT adults in this arsey humiliating manner, I'm going to take a punt and say that she doesn't.

CustardySergeant · 05/06/2019 22:43

tor8181 are you saying that you would hit the woman?

Italiangreyhound · 05/06/2019 22:43

Aibu - not at all
and oversensitive - not at all

or should I say something? Yes, I would. I'd explain to the staff member or her supervisor that your child has special needs and the staff member is there to serve the customer and be understanding if people don't appear to react as one would expect.

Notnownotneverever · 05/06/2019 23:01

That is absolutely terrible behaviour from the shop assistant. I’m actually shocked. Please complain. I work in customer service as a manager and would really want to know if a customer had an experience like that in my facility.

Blahblahlalalalala · 05/06/2019 23:11

Oh my lord what a arsehole, I would go in and que with her next time but put your shopping separate so you don’t look like your together, record if possible but see the way she treats her. I can’t write what I would do next though.AngryAngry Sounds like a vile woman who is fully aware your DD has some kind of SN and is just being a insensitive prick

headlock · 05/06/2019 23:38

What a horrible cow. I'm sure approaching the manager would be the most civilized way of dealing with her but I'd be so tempted to go in with my daughter right beside me, get her to serve me and make her say thank you before handing over the money.

Myheartbelongsto · 06/06/2019 00:20

I'd high kick her in the tits.

Go in next time, stand back a bit and see what happens.

Likethebattle · 06/06/2019 00:51

Definitely give her a lesson in manners.