About this shop assistant?

[Wolfdog]

My special needs dd seems to be having issues with a member of staff in a well known store but I don't know if I'm being over sensitive or not.

My dd has various special needs.
It has taken us years to get her to go into stores without us. It's been a real battle. In addition to special needs she also has a history of selective mutism and still struggles to speak to strangers and gets quite anxious about it.

Most of the staff are great but we have had one in particular. Firstly last week my dd gave this women too much money as it's something she struggles with. Instead of just saying dd had given her too much and handing it back she made a huge deal of it in front of others and commented loudly how my daughter still hadn't learned to count have you. DD was mortified.
I know she didn't know and told DD to ignore her.

Today my dd went into the same store and the lady serving held DDs change in her hand but wouldn't hand it over until my dd said thank you. DD didn't understand why she wasn't giving her her change and got panicky before the woman slowly said thank you before finally handing over the money.

While of course I've taught to be polite and have manners she really struggles talking to people but usually mumbles thanks without eye contact after she's got her change not before. My daughter was very worked up and rang me upset right before her GCSE exam as she thought she was not getting her money back.

Clearly this woman doesn't know DD has significant SN but still...

Aibu and oversensitive or should I say something?

It's irrespective whether your DD has special needs or not. The assistants behaviour is old-fashioned rude and entirely inappropriate behaviour towards any customer.
I would go into the shop( is it an independent shop or chain out of interest?) And speak straight to the manager explain the rudeness of the assistant and then go on to add Dd's SN and explain they are being discriminatory and unpleasant to a person with a disability. I had a similar issue where I made a complaint like this recently and the shop management have gone hopping mad over it because of the anti discrimination laws.
The assistant must know she cannot for any reason behave in this way.

This is so so rude! Doing the job she is doing, the clerk will come into contact with so many people with a huge range of needs every day. Is she this horrible to everyone who is quiet, shy or stressed? There's no need at all. It should not even occur to her to "teach" a customer some manners!

The fact she doesn't treat your DD like that when you are there says it all imo. She knows your DD has vulnerabilities and is picking on them.

Please do complain.

Yeah, this isn’t one of those where you have to be ‘that’ parent. Go down there in person and report this nasty, bullying twat to the manager. I’d probably give her a personal dressing down in front of a line of customers too but that’s just me and I have been known to be a bit unreasonable on occasion.

My DD is 16 and I've noticed a few people have an attitude with her, some shop assistants, bus drivers etc. I'm often behind her in the queue and they don't realise I'm with her and sometimes make a sarcastic comment to me, and get their attitude straight back. Can you arrange to do that OP? I think it's because of her age, and the likelihood that the assistant is being given an attitude by others her age and is now treating all teens like that. Still no excuse though.
I'm on the side of the worker in a lot of things that come up on here, but that woman is being rude and she shouldn't be. Why on earth would you expect someone to say thank you when you haven't given them their change yet? That's bizarre.
I'd definitely do something though, it's not a one off and it's causing anxiety that your DD doesn't need.

Thanks all.
I've messaged the companies social media and I think I will do as above and queue at the back of her but not make it obvious we are together to see what's going on.

That's the thing, Grumpy.
Some adults do seem to have a chip on the shoulders towards teens and young people and Still command respect. The thing is though, to get respect you have to give it, regardless of age.

If you can film her rudeness on your phone, once you have evidence ask to speak to her manager and show them what your daughter has had to experience.

Insist she apologises to your daughter in front of you as well

She sounds awful and shouldn’t be speaking to anyone like this. Definitely report.

Filming her is getting carried away and would be inappropriate. Your word is good enough. If the management think she is giving the shop a bad name and putting off customers, they won’t hesitate to have a word. They may even thank you for bringing it to their attention. She’s a berk but she’s not a war criminal. You don’t need “evidence”. It’s a question of customer service, it’s not a court case.

I am not trivialising it as I think you are right to be upset and raise it with them but take it as an opportunity to show your daughter that you are handling it appropriately and setting a good example yourself by being assertive but restrained in your response. It will give her more confidence to have a strong, sensible mother behind her than someone who overreacts, even though you are also understandably upset.

I doubt you need to film her, I bet she has many complaints against her.
You'll add to the pile, in our shop with cow lady, I think the store manager is scared of her too.
I am glad you went above to HQ.
Did you PM the outlet on SM rather than on their page.
I hope you get it sorted.