Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think mothers at the park are anti-social

107 replies

Annieandboys · 05/06/2019 20:35

My ds has just turned 2. He absolutely loves playing with other children. He is kind and gentle with great manners, he plays very well.
I can't help but notice a pattern occurring when we go to the park. Whenever he approaches children the mother (never experienced this with father's) stands up and says to the children "come on, let's go and play over here" she then proceeds to get up and move to another peice of apparatus. Generally the child is curious and very willing to play with ds but the child is then again called away.
I just don't understand. This has happened so many times now.. I thought we are suppose to encourage our children to socialise and play together. It breaks my heart to see my little boy confused as to why he can't play.
aibu, am I being paranoid, does this only happy to me? Sad

OP posts:
Yabbers · 05/06/2019 21:42

At that age “super sociable” children were a real issue for DD. She hated when kids came bounding up to her. She would put her hand up and turn her face away. She would blush and become really uncomfortable. We tried involving other children to help her get over it, but she got really agitated. She wasn’t great with adults either. We quickly learned we couldn’t push her.

She grew out of it, and now is really happy to meet people and talks incessantly to anyone who will listen, but we would have been the parents taking her to play somewhere else. If he is becoming upset about it, engage him more and stop him being in that position.

Butterfly84 · 05/06/2019 22:07

Probably because some mums just don't want to socialise, if your children start playing, they may feel they have to make conversation with you and may just not want to.

Also agree about them moving away to let your DC on the equipment.

Sceptre86 · 05/06/2019 23:33

I agree with a lot of other posters in that it could be so that your child gets a chance at using the play equipment. Another reason might be that if you are stood some distance away they just don't want to be responsible/ having to watch over your child playing with theirs? We always seem to attract other kids when at the swing park, in general I don't mind but it gets annoying when parents are stood a distance away or chatting and not watching over there own child. We tend to go to the park for the kids to play and I am not always in a mood to keep an eye on someone else's kids especially when I have my hands full with my own.

Sceptre86 · 05/06/2019 23:36

*their. My dd is great playing with other kids but ds will grab and shove so I have to watch him like a hawk as he just doesn't understand that this behaviour can be upsetting for other kids.

my2bundles · 06/06/2019 04:57

If you got involved and encouraged play when a child comes over it could help. I agree with other posters. To other mums it could look like you are trying to get others to take responsibility and help him along with their child. 2 year olds need alot of input in playgrounds, when I took my kids when younger I wanted to enjoy time with them and now they are older I enjoy sitting and watching. That wouldn't be possible if a toddler attached himself to us. Sorry but if you want kids to play with your child you need to take control and supervise it yourself.

SingleMumScum · 06/06/2019 05:28

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Whatareyoutalkingabout · 06/06/2019 05:34

I move to let other children play

Whatareyoutalkingabout · 06/06/2019 05:40

Also, I don't want to socialise with other parents that I don't know. I know everyone on Mumsnet acts like other mums are a big pool of potential friends but I'm just really not interested in making "mum friends" or having awkward conversations with other mums. I'm not antisocial in general but for some reason it makes me really uncomfortable, just standing about making small talk about the kids. So that would also make me want to move.

That and I feel really awkward dealing with other people's (who I don't know) children as it can also be uncomfortable. People can be funny about it. And I don't want to end up having their child tag along the whole time, even if their parent comes to, which is actually just as bad or worse!!

I'm not antisocial, just awkward, and I like to play in peace!

Coolcoolcoolcoolcool · 06/06/2019 05:51

I get this a lot too, not sure why, but I just shrug it off now. It tends to happen most if there are 2 or more kids and parents so they don't want strangers joining in, but sometimes it happens when it's just the 1 kid. I've had it happen with dads too. I don't try and chat to the parents either. Maybe we just live in anti social areas of the country, op?

It makes it all the sweeter when someone does let their kid play with him anyway.

StreetwiseHercules · 06/06/2019 06:18

“I don't want to entertain someone else's child. It's particularly bad in soft play. I often get some child following me and my kids around because I'm one of the few parents actually in the soft play. I'm not a free babysitter.“

I’m a dad and this has happened to me a lot in soft plays over the years. So fucking irritating.

Coolcoolcoolcoolcool · 06/06/2019 06:20

SingleMumScum are you ok? I've heard single parents get a hard time on here, but I've never seen it in real life. I think assuming people wil ostracise you is a bit overkill.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 06/06/2019 06:22

Have you omitted to mention you are the local crime lord’s moll, or something?

Grin

OP genuinely are you in any way different to local populace and are they an open or closed community ! It’s baffling

Hollowvictory · 06/06/2019 06:23

Your child is very advanced. It's unusual at the age of two to play with other children. Even at age 3 they generally play alongside others rather than with them.

thewayoftheplatypus · 06/06/2019 06:24

My 3 year old son is a biter (it’s embarrassing but there it is) and whilst we have worked hard on this, it still happens occasionally. If he is playing on a piece of equipment and someone else wants to play on it, I will often move him on to something else, so that he doesn’t become possessive of the equipment/give him the opportunity to lash out/nite. I know other parents who do this so their kids don’t hit/push/say unkind words/whatever their vice is.

Toddlers can be feral. It could be that the other parents are just trying to keep your child safe rather than ostracise them.

Coolcoolcoolcoolcool · 06/06/2019 06:32

StreetwiseHercules how old are your kids that you need to sit in with them? I think by about 2 1/2 you can leave them on their own at soft play it's designed to be safe. I get irritated by parents taking up all the room personally, but everyone is different.

Ravenclawclassof84 · 06/06/2019 06:34

I used to do this when my DS was little if he had been on a piece of equipment for a while and I thought the other child wanted their turn. Could it be that?

gamerwidow · 06/06/2019 06:39

It’ll change when he gets older. From about school age I always let DD her on with it if someone wanted to play with her. When she was younger I’d move her on because I love DD very much but I find pre school kids incredibly irritating and I didn’t want to have to interact with them. No offence to your DS who I’m sure is lovely but I find the non verbal pre-schoolers too much hard work.

StreetwiseHercules · 06/06/2019 06:54

“StreetwiseHercules how old are your kids that you need to sit in with them? I think by about 2 1/2 you can leave them on their own at soft play it's designed to be safe. I get irritated by parents taking up all the room personally, but everyone is different.“

5 and almost 2. The 5 year old is fine, he can get around it all by himself and no longer needs me but did until about 3 and a half. The smaller one is faster than him at professing so I cannot wait for the time when I can go to soft play and just sit on my arse like 95% of the other parents there seem to get to do.

StreetwiseHercules · 06/06/2019 06:59

Progressing

Vulpine · 06/06/2019 06:59

I was always happy for other kids to play with mine although sometimes I did end up having to entertain other kid for a bit but as soon as I'd had enough I'd bugger off!

Oysterbabe · 06/06/2019 07:08

I don't do this, I'm happy for mine to play with other children, but it is annoying when you end up having to supervise them too. I remember a little boy pushing DD backwards down the steps to the slide. I was in the awkward position of having to tell him off, which too right I bloody did. He then wanders off crying to grass me up to his mum.

Sockwomble · 06/06/2019 07:10

My son has autism and used to get anxious around other children especially younger ones and lash out. Also all my attention needed to be on my son so I didn't want to end up playing with someone else's child. If a child that young came over I would assume it is me they wanted to play with rather than my child.

aliceelizaloves · 06/06/2019 07:12

My son can be a pusher if he doesn't want to share so I would possibly move away if it looked like that could be a problem. I think it's different at soft play or an inside playgroup as it feels a bit safer than a park. Maybe take your ds to playgroups or classes to socialise? My ds did get to an age (about 2.5) when he was desperate to socialise and used to follow other children around all the time. He has started pre school now which has really helped.

Sunshineandshowers81 · 06/06/2019 07:18

As others have said if you are stood away with the pram people move on as they don't want to be responsible for your child

FlowerTink · 06/06/2019 07:19

I worry about having to "entertain" and be responsible for someone else's child whilst the other parent sits down or isn't watching. If you're stood away with a pram is it possible the other parents think they might end up looking after your toddler the whole time? It didn't seem clear if you're engaging first with the other parent or not.

My DD is very shy and would actually move away from a child she didn't know and move to a part of the park with no children on. Thats all her though, not the fault of the other child.