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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think mothers at the park are anti-social

107 replies

Annieandboys · 05/06/2019 20:35

My ds has just turned 2. He absolutely loves playing with other children. He is kind and gentle with great manners, he plays very well.
I can't help but notice a pattern occurring when we go to the park. Whenever he approaches children the mother (never experienced this with father's) stands up and says to the children "come on, let's go and play over here" she then proceeds to get up and move to another peice of apparatus. Generally the child is curious and very willing to play with ds but the child is then again called away.
I just don't understand. This has happened so many times now.. I thought we are suppose to encourage our children to socialise and play together. It breaks my heart to see my little boy confused as to why he can't play.
aibu, am I being paranoid, does this only happy to me?

OP posts:

Emmapeeler · 05/06/2019 20:51

A lot of kids that age are very territorial and a lot of mums are very helicoptery and eager to avoid conflict

Yeah I reckon this. I would not usually call myself helicoptery but my heart used to sink when DS ‘played’ with someone at 2 because within about four seconds he would usually get cross about wanting the same swing/car/bike or whatever. DD I felt the complete opposite and did not hover. I am sure it’s just bad luck.

By 3 I was much more relaxed about DS and he wasn’t much more (well a bit more) reasonable!

Emmapeeler · 05/06/2019 20:52

was much more!

SummerInSun · 05/06/2019 20:52

I'm with the PP who says it's to give your DC a chance to play on the equipment. If my child is on one thing for a while and another kid comes over and stands close by, I assume it means the other child - entirely reasonably - wants a turn and I move my child to the next thing to share.

Whackitupto200 · 05/06/2019 20:52

In summary, YANBU. Don’t break your heart over it though. We’re just trying to get it over and done with as quickly as possible. (And are dreading the inevitable tantrum when it’s time to leave.)

managedmis · 05/06/2019 20:52

Annoying but you obviously must remember you are not in an episode of Peppa Pig.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 05/06/2019 20:54

Honestly the most likely scenario is the mum can’t be bothered to watch her kids super closely to ensure they don’t accidentally hurt a toddler so would rather they play elsewhere. I’ve done this before. It isn’t meant as antisocial. It’s just that we often go to the park when my kids are bouncing off the walls. They need to let it out and if I’m constantly nagging them to be careful or watch out there’s a little one behind you, then it defeats the purpose of the trip.

LaMarschallin · 05/06/2019 20:54

(never experienced this with father's)

What do the fathers do then?

This may sound cheeky but I'm just checking this isn't a humble bragging post along the lines of "Other women hate me because apparently I'm gorgeous. Can't see it myself "

If not that, it does seem odd. My experiences were that both parents were thrilled to have another adult to talk to and it was more fun for the children to have a playmate.

Mesmeri · 05/06/2019 20:59

managedmis

I am now scripting the episode in my head... all the children being picked up by their parents and plonked down somewhere else....

Original poster

Annieandboys · 05/06/2019 20:59

Thank you for your responses, I think I am taking this way too personal.
I am generally stood away with the pram (have a newborn too) so I'm not looking for chit chat, I'm a nervous person myself and prefer not to make small talk.
DS is just super sociable, he is so excited to see other children, I'm so glad about this as I've got very low confidence and have always been very shy and struggled with it, I really don't want ds to lose his amazing confidence!
And no, I don't think it's my appearance that is scaring people away

OP posts:

MrsxRocky · 05/06/2019 21:00

The one thing I hate about going to park is when some else kid starts trying to play with me and my son and the mum is no where to be seen. I find it incredibly awkward as I can no longer go super fast on the spin thing with him or play rough as I don't know this kid and don't want to be shouted.
So I'm one of those mums who will grab my kid and run rather than interact with another kid.
If he's playing on his own and I'm sat down I let him crack on as it's good for him to socialise but when we having mum and son time after work etc it's our play time.

MotherOfDragonite · 05/06/2019 21:05

Having been one of those other mums, I can tell you that at one point it was because I was concerned that my DD was going to bite or snatch! (She is lovely now...)

Two is an awkward age. It may not be about your child, but about the other child's behaviour or inability to share/cooperate...

Lllot5 · 05/06/2019 21:06

I wouldn’t mind at all if a toddler came over to play with my grandchildren in the park at all. It’s a park that’s what it’s for. I’d probably talk to you too op. Miserable lot on here.

FlapAttack23 · 05/06/2019 21:09

My children tend to bite and maim so I tend to keep them away from other children and dogs

GruciusMalfoy · 05/06/2019 21:10

If you're standing a little bit away the other parents might not want to fall into the trap of "entertaining" both kids. I've been there, I'm sure many of us have!

CanaryFish · 05/06/2019 21:14

If you’re standing away with the pram it’s possible the other parents don't want to feel responsible for your child - I don't mean that in a horrible way just I’ve moved on myself because I’m trying to watch my kids on the play equipment (or whatever) and I don’t feel comfortable with a toddler I don’t know. It’s happened before that my own child fell and hurt themselves while I was looking around for the parent of a toddler who was trying to climb on something they weren’t able for. I think if you approach with the toddler and start a conversation the parent might be more likely to let the kids play.
I understand that you’re shy and it’s not easy to talk to strangers though

BroomstickOfLove · 05/06/2019 21:15

In my case it would be because the unwritten rule at my local park is that if a child stars hovering near a piece of play equipment, it means that they want a turn and if your child is to young to notice/share without massive amounts of help, then you move on to something else.

If they move away with something shareable like a climbing frame, than there's probably something else going on, but if it's with stuff that either isn't shareable (eg a swing) or is only shareable with a degree of negotiation that a toddler might not be ready for (eg a roundabout) than its probably just that.

Alternatively, the mother might just be worried that she'll send up supervising someone else's child, because they've had bad experiences in the past.

Fucket · 05/06/2019 21:16

Yes a 2 year old is not old enough to play on equipment without a grown up within grabbing distance of swings, climbing frames etc.

I would think that you would hope your child would play with mine at the park and secretly hope I’d semi-mind them whilst you had your newborn.

I have 3 of my own and not rarely in the mood for toddlers. So yes I might walk away, sorry.

my2bundles · 05/06/2019 21:16

I used to do this when my son was around 4. Toddlers seemed to love him but it constantly spoiled his fun having to be carefull around them He went to the park to play and chase around not play second fiddle to toddlers. Your day will come .

SlightlySleepy · 05/06/2019 21:17

Although I love my kids playing with other children, if I'm playing with my kids and another child tries to join in, I get a bit irritated. I don't want to entertain someone else's child. It's particularly bad in soft play. I often get some child following me and my kids around because I'm one of the few parents actually in the soft play. I'm not a free babysitter.

KTCluck · 05/06/2019 21:17

I’ve done this so that the other child can have a turn on what ever piece of equipment DD has been hogging for ages and I’m glad of the excuse because it’s probably a swing and I’m losing the will to live I wouldn’t do it on something easier to take turns with like a slide though. I wouldn’t let it bother you. There’s probably a reason that has nothing to do with you or your DS personally. He sounds lovely!

Laiste · 05/06/2019 21:18

Yes to worrying about my DC playing with a just turned 2 year old if the mum is standing away a bit.

When one of them at least are that small things can happen in a heartbeat which can mean having to intervene, referee or apolgise.

Once the youngest in a group is 4 and up they can be left to it together a lot more.

nevernotstruggling · 05/06/2019 21:19

I've moved my kids away plenty of times if I've seen ropey behaviour from another child or I recognise them from previous issues. Otherwise I don't helicopter!

BigRedLondonBus · 05/06/2019 21:21

I agree with a lot of this and think this is mainly the reason I do it. My children would have to be extra careful around smaller children in case they accidentally hurt them (and like I said I’ve been on the receiving end of being shouted at when it happened) so I just move them on to something else where they can play without having to worry.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 05/06/2019 21:25

If the parents are actually with their child and playing with them it could be that they just want to play with their child and not 'mind' another.

Barbie222 · 05/06/2019 21:39

If he's only 2 and you are behind a pram people are probably assuming you are looking for someone to palm him off with. You might need to sling for a while so you have hands free for him and be right there. 2 isn't an age I'd step in and entertain, there's too much picking up, pulling away and setting down and it feels a bit weird with a stranger's child. They are giving you space so you can be right next to him maybe.

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