to be pissed off that friends partner doesn't want her and the children visiting us?

[NoCatsOnTheTable]

I've lived on a small commune on a farm for several years with my DC. My youngest is at the local primary where he has some good friends and I'm friendly with some of the parents, particularly one mum who I'm quite close to. She has visited us often and I've looked after her DC a few times, we've been out for drinks together etc.

Her DP of about 3 years moved in with her recently. His DC stay regularly but aren't at the same school. I've met him in passing a few times and found him ok but fairly uninterested in me which is fine.

It's my birthday next week and I'm having some people round in the evening for a barbecue and drinks. The people I live with will obviously also be there as will all the children who live here.

My friends DP has told her he "won't stop her going" but that he isn't coming, his DC aren't allowed to visit my home, and he disapproves of her bringing her DC round here

This because he has heard that it's a commune, has decided it's therefore full of unemployed drunks and weed smokers (this is patently untrue, plus I happen to know he takes coke at weekends so wtf with the judgemental crap anyway?) and not a suitable place for children to visit.

The only person he's ever met who lives here... is me WTF?

Is your commune listed on Diggers and Dreamer, OP? Does it have a nice website he can have a look at to assuage some of his unspecified concerns?

Your AMA is fascinating OP. Very insightful and your life sounds amazing.

We nearly moved to a collective. So the land was shared. Shared gardens and gardening produce/livestock. And lots of communal bulldogs. And a lot there homeschooled.

It was amazing. We still go and hang out with people there, it's truly blissful. And I'm a bit of a grouch, lived in London for 15 years and love my home comforts, I'm nothing like your atypical 'hippy'.

We didn't move there because although we're (by my standards anyway) very green, we weren't green enough to fit in properly.

Anyway, fuck him op. Weird mean git. Hopefully she'll fuck him off soon.

Thank you whoever found my AMA - whenever I do a search the results never work, they just take me to a broken link page!

No we are not on Diggers and Dreamers - we aren't looking for new members. Also, ironically, we decided that with children around we would not host visitors that nobody living here can personally vouch for. Something else we could have told him had he come and had a chat like a normal person would.

Oh FFS, abuse of children happens in 'respectable' (heteromonogamous) homes. Probably more, proportionately, than in communes or other types of group housing - because having a lot of adults around who are 'family' mean less opportunity for a predator to sneak around.
Communal living is definitely not for me (I like a lot of time to myself and am also very untidy and hate domestic work) but I can see why some people like it and I think it is generally a Good Thing that more people would probably both enjoy and benefit from.)

Sounds like he's got the potential to turn into an abusive twat.

It's fine for him to be judgemental about a commune if he so wishes (although I do find it narrow minded and a bit sad), but the way he's gone about this and they way he's spoken to your friend is very weird and controlling.

Sadly I'm not sure there's much you can do about it. Your friend will be with him for as long as she wants to be, and you saying anything against her partner will just be taken as jealousy or whatever and it will allow him to drive an even bigger wedge between the two of you.

So I would say just carry on as normal, and hopefully you and your friend can still continue to spend time together.

Your friend has a man in the house who ‘does’ coke at the weekend?

Red flag, surely?

Wow! I've always wanted to live on a commune, especially on a farm! I am currently saving and planning to buy my own piece of land to live off. Can you tell me about commune living? I'd love to hear more! Sounds wonderful

Have a look at the AMA, someone linked it upthread :)

Teacher22 The man is waving red flags all over the place to me, but I've got finely tuned spidey senses for creepy controlling pricks (thanks to my past and to Mumsnet) and my friend... hasn't. She's much more trusting and optimistic than I am.