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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help me with my mum guilt!

102 replies

MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 13:57

Next week I'm going to a music festival for 6 days, leaving my 4 year old DD with my mum. It's my first break away from her since she was born, and the ticket was bought for me as gift as I've just finished my second year at uni. I know I deserve it but I feel so horrendously guilty for leaving her for so long, and her school have just rearranged her sports day so I'm now going to miss it Sad

Is there anyone who can share how they felt leaving little ones for so long? I've only ever left her overnight after putting her to bed at my mums.

OP posts:
33goingon64 · 04/06/2019 21:16

I recently left my DC for 4 nights and felt awful until I arrived at the destination. I then barely thought about them until I was on my way back. Enjoy.

CostanzaG · 04/06/2019 21:19

My 4 year old would LOVE download. He's gutted I'm not taking him to see Metallica in a few weeks 🤣

MustardScreams · 04/06/2019 21:21

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Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 21:30

Enjoy your 6 day long heavy metal festival

Thankyou, I'll be sure to sacrifice some goats and rob some old ladies while I'm there....

@costanzaG My daughter is also really sad about Metallica, Ghost is her all time fave band and theyre supporting and she really wants to see them! I think a stadium is too much for a little one though. If they were playing a festival I'd get her a day ticket.

OP posts:
Celebelly · 04/06/2019 21:30

Actually wetting myself at that post @MustardScreams, thank you Grin

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 21:32

Their stupid posts backfired, because now I feel less guilty just out of spite Grin

OP posts:
CostanzaG · 04/06/2019 21:36

Yeah I think a night time stadium gig is a bit much but a festival would be great! My DS is obsessed with bon Jovi and I can't bring myself to tell him I'm off see them too!
Rock kids are the best!

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 21:39

I'm guessing there are still people who think that children who listen to heavy metal are going to grow up to be serial killers Grin

My daughters german has improved significantly since becoming a Rammstein fan!

OP posts:
CostanzaG · 04/06/2019 21:43

Haha well I turned out okay and so far haven't displayed any serial killer tendancies! And so far DS is turning into a caring and kind little boy despite his taste in music!

We're all hoping he'll end up fronting his own band ....that's our retirement plan 🤣

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 21:46

Same for my daughter Grin

Well, this thread has certainly aided in easing some anxiety, so thankyou.

OP posts:
PutThatDown10 · 04/06/2019 21:52

Cor some uptight bonkers people on here Hmm

CostanzaG · 04/06/2019 21:52

Have a fabulous time x

Greggers2017 · 04/06/2019 22:14

Oh dear OP! Fancy enjoying yourself. Whatever next 🙄
Me and my partner have a week abroad together every year and weekends for our birthdays too.
Dd2 is due in 2 weeks, she will be spending the weekend with my mum in September and attending a music festival at the end of August.
What a shit parent I am too🤦🏼‍♀️

EmiliaAirheart · 05/06/2019 23:32

Wow, I was quite into Rammstein back in the day but I’d never let a six year old listen to half their songs if she was capable of understanding or asking what the lyrics meant.

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 05/06/2019 23:40

Last end-of-August I booked a German music festival with an interesting travel arrangement for this coming August. Not realising at that time that I would in fact miss both OH and DD1's birthdays.

I've nearly cancelled so, so many times in the last ten or whatever months. For a number of reasons but particularly because I feel guilty.

But going on this trio will do me immense good, with my anxiety and self and identity and all sorts.

So this evening we ordered the tent. I took DD1 to a different German music festival last summer for her birthday and it was epic. If this one is good, I'll see if I can afford to take her the following August.

Once they're old enough to take, it's fantastic fun. I bonded in a way I never thought I would, with my DD.

sobercuriouskind · 05/06/2019 23:40

I left my daughter when she was 18 months for a week whilst I made a trip to the US. I left her with her Dad and Grandparents and she was fine..I missed her loads, but she was absolutely fine. A number of friends said that they couldn't have done the same. I do wonder if the same would have been said if a Father went away for a week.
Have a fab time OP.

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 05/06/2019 23:45

OP - if you both like Rammstein, try Eisbrecher (very similar but they're a bit more serious, lyric-wise).

Also, Aesthetic Perfection. Astounding industrial there. Seems to span a number of genres in one. My kids are massive fans and my eldest has seen them twice, once at last years festival and once this year at a gig in London, she has met one of the members. She also likes mainstream stuff. Her dad is a huge NIN fan, and her step-dad (OH) is hugely into some heavy industrial and weird stuff. Hasn't done the kids any harm.

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 06/06/2019 10:25

OOh thankyou I will check them out!

She doesn't listen to the more hardcore Rammstein songs, but things like Haifisch, Mein Hertz Brent, Du Hast etc where the lyrics aren't too political. Although, I'm not against little one knowing about different political view points! I'm quite opinionated and she is becoming the same way Grin

OP posts:
Someone9 · 06/06/2019 10:48

Guilt in these circumstances is so unnecessary. You feel your “supposed” to feel guilty due to societal expectations of mothers - don’t be a pawn to the patriarchy OP!

I’ve left my babies with my mum twice for 10 days each time (and they were much younger than four). Once was work related but the other was a holiday. I didn’t feel guilty and neither should you. She will be completely fine. Enjoy it - you’ll feel like a new woman!

LadyRannaldini · 06/06/2019 10:50

Your daughter will probably disappoint you, not miss you at all and really enjoy her time!
I recall our daughter leaving her 1 year old with us when they went off to a wedding, she was phoning every 30 seconds, Is she upset, Is she crying? I think she was a bit devastated that her daughter wasn't at all bothered!

LadyRannaldini · 06/06/2019 10:57

My parents left me aged 6 for 2 weeeks in Vegas

Made me laugh, it can be taken two ways! Did the 6 year old you enjoy 2 weeks in Vegas without the encumbrance of parents??

CentralPerkMug · 06/06/2019 11:23

OP we are going too, cannot bloody wait!

I must admit though we wouldn't/couldn't do 6 days. We are just going on the Sunday but will be away from home Sat to Mon.

Of course you feel guilty, it is part of being a mother/woman. You will love it though!

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 06/06/2019 19:12

Oh she will definitely disappoint me, she has never been bothered by my absence! She's really looking forward to spending a week with her babushka.

OP posts:
goose1964 · 06/06/2019 19:15

Go and enjoy it. Your mother raised you and I'm assuming you've turned out fine. I babysit my DGS for up to 4 days, and have since he was about 6 months, TBH I take better care of him than I did my own.

ItchySeveredFoot · 17/06/2019 15:41

Did you have a good time OP?