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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me with my mum guilt!

102 replies

MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 13:57

Next week I'm going to a music festival for 6 days, leaving my 4 year old DD with my mum. It's my first break away from her since she was born, and the ticket was bought for me as gift as I've just finished my second year at uni. I know I deserve it but I feel so horrendously guilty for leaving her for so long, and her school have just rearranged her sports day so I'm now going to miss it Sad

Is there anyone who can share how they felt leaving little ones for so long? I've only ever left her overnight after putting her to bed at my mums.

OP posts:
bwydda · 04/06/2019 17:04

I'm a bit Hmmat posters saying six days away is too much, and only acceptable for work. Mainly because whenever there is a "I don't want my mum/ mil to take the dc away for a whole week on holiday" thread , the general consensus is that time alone with grandparents / other support network family is healthy and aids independent growth in children, as well as encouraging good family relationships. Surely this is the same in reverse?

Op- I think both you AND dd will benefit from this. Your dd will get used to being away from you for longer periods, she and mum will develop a stronger bond, independent of you, and they will have fun/ get to know each other in a different way to occasional babysitting when your there to put her to bed etc plus , of course, you will have a blast.

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 17:04

I think I will be ok for the first 2 days, but I think after that is when I will really start to miss her! I am in the early stages of pregnancy too so am a little more emotional than normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 17:22

But anyway, thankyou to those who were helpful and provided a little hand hold. I'll have my iphone, so I can facetime her everyday after school.
I know she will be fine, she generally isnt bothered about being away from me Grin it's me thats the fanny!

OP posts:
Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 18:33

@straightomyhead

Sorry I've only just seen your comment, yes it is download! I'm guessing you've been before? Is it as awesome as I'm hoping it will be?

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 04/06/2019 18:44

I cried leaving ds for 6 nights in Feb, he had only ever stayed away from us for 1 night too. Dh also was sad to leave him, we phoned him the first night and he told us off saying that he was looking after nana and told us all about his day. When we got home he didnt care that we were back, just asked where his presents were (hes 3)

dyouwantfrieswiththat · 04/06/2019 18:45

Usual arguments/points have ensued on this thread:

(1) bet you wouldn't judge the dad
(2) mummy martyrs who wouldn't do it
(3) hate my life to revolve around my child
(4) I deserve it
(5) I know child will have a great time and not think about me for a second

Bla bla bla

It was the OP who talked initially about guilt...I wonder why!

BlackPrism · 04/06/2019 18:46

My parents left me aged 6 for 2 weeeks in Vegas 😂 I had a whale of a time and harbour no ill will

BlueThesaurusRex · 04/06/2019 18:49

A 6 day music festival would just about kill me but the break from DS would be good! Grin

Have a great time- it’s great that your DD has your mum to look after her, it will be a treat and a privilege that not everyone gets.

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 19:19

@BlueThesaurusRex 6 days is the longest festival I've ever been to! Ive only ever done 3. I'm looking forward to it though.

OP posts:
dyouwantfrieswiththat · 04/06/2019 19:37

I feel so horrendously guilty for leaving her for so long, and her school have just rearranged her sports day so I'm now going to miss it

So do you now no longer feel "horrendously guilty" for leaving her for "so long" now that people have told you it's fine?

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 19:44

Can you just bore off please. You are really weird.

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 04/06/2019 20:01

@MonstranceClock

Can you just bore off please. You are really weird.

Did you only want people to agree with you?

I think people needing affirmation from randomers on the internet are weird.

Go off to the festival.

Quote these:

You're a great mother

You're strong, hun

Well done you!

Bless! You'll miss her/him/it...

Because you don't want to hear anything else.

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 20:05

I think people that cant see that looking forward to something and also feeling guilt at the same time is a normal thing, are the weirdos. Especially when its been explained PLENTY of times I'm not looking for validation or approval. I asked how other felt when they left their children for the first time and how they managed with it. But, clearly your reading comprehension isn't up to scratch. Bless you. Hun.

OP posts:
MrsRolly · 04/06/2019 20:09

You will have an amazing time and deserve it. Blow Corey a kiss from me! The guilt will subside once you are there. Donington is always an incredible weekend. Enjoy!

Shitsandgigglez · 04/06/2019 20:26

My parents used to go away for a week each year and leave me and siblings with grandparents. I had the BEST TIME EVER!! Don't feel guilty, she'll be having a whale of a time getting spoilt.

Enjoy yourself at the festival!!

Redhanger · 04/06/2019 20:28

I left my children for three nights to go away this year and don’t regret it for a minute Grin

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 20:30

Im taking her on holiday this year, so she's not missing out too much. She would really love Download so i do feel a bit bad but shes not old enough to go yet. Maybe next year!

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 04/06/2019 20:36

@MonstranceClock

I think people that cant see that looking forward to something and also feeling guilt at the same time is a normal thing, are the weirdos. Especially when its been explained PLENTY of times I'm not looking for validation or approval. I asked how other felt when they left their children for the first time and how they managed with it. But, clearly your reading comprehension isn't up to scratch. Bless you. Hun.

Bless you back.

I think you may have missed this:

LaMarschallin

Sorry - didn't answer your question
I left my two for a week with PIL when they were 5 and 6. We had a lovely time as did they
They're somewhat older now and seem unscarred

Where I answered your question.

I did go on to give my opinion. Which, to be fair, wasn't asked for.

However, I don't think I'd have tried mentioning reading comprehension if I'd used "who's life" for "whose life".

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 20:40

Exactly. It wasn't asked for, yet you feel the need to keep going on at me about it.

Reading comprehension and spelling are two different things, Do I have to apologise for not being English too?

I'd rather just leave this now, seeing as people bleating on about things which have nothing to do with what I actually asked aren't getting us anywhere.

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 04/06/2019 20:51

Reading comprehension and spelling are two different thing
It's grammar, not spelling.

Do I have to apologise for not being English too?

If you want to. I'm not English either but don't feel the need to apologise.

I think that going off to a festival without your offspring is fine. As I've said, I did a similar thing.
I just didn't need to seek approbation from random strangers on the internet.
If I had, for some odd reason, I wouldn't then have been rude to them.

dyouwantfrieswiththat · 04/06/2019 20:55

I'm going to post about leaving my daughter for 6 days and the horrendous guilt I feel about doing so. HOWEVER only respond if you are going to tell me I'm doing the right thing and that I deserve it otherwise I'll get narky and call you weird.

Righto.

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 20:55

yawn

OP posts:
dyouwantfrieswiththat · 04/06/2019 21:00

She would really love Download so i do feel a bit bad but shes not old enough to go yet. Maybe next year!

Yes 5 year olds love a good 6 day long heavy metal lineup

Hmm
MonstranceClock · 04/06/2019 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

dyouwantfrieswiththat · 04/06/2019 21:12

Well, you sound delightful! Enjoy your 6 day long heavy metal festival. I'm sure she won't miss mummy at all.