Do you judge single mums who claim benefits to be able to stay home with DC?

[username00000]

Specifically DC before school age.

I also have a year old baby @myDHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling but given your previous posts I expect you would consider her an extravagance (I certainly do, she's wonderful )

So yeah, I wasn't on benefits but if my DH had been a shit or deserted me I would maybe have had to.

If it happens unintentionally, of course not.

If it's cynically engineered as a lifestyle choice, then yes. Benefits should be there as a fallback to support those in need, not something people decide to live off - from what I understand UC is very hard to exist on, so it's not really fair to the children if they're deliberately brought into a life of poverty.

In most cases I'd have no idea, and no business knowing, how the situation came about, so I wouldn't judge.

thetonsillolith
seriously, stop it, you are embarrassing yourself now

having worked ft with dc under 5, society as a whole should value a parent at home at least pt under 5 more than it does. My worry as a single parent would be that they are losing valuable career progression time. I would understand but I’m not sure it’s the best choice for the parent.

I don't want to judge but I do think that everyone should financially support their children at least where possible. I've had the guilt of two children in nursery from 6 months as we both had to work full time. Therfore I resent someone viewing benefits as an option as opposed to a safety net and thereby achieving a lifestyle I could afford through work.

MyDH

Nothing sad about our situation at all, we think ourselves very lucky and our last dependant child, would like to thank you for the tax credits and her wonderful education that she wouldn't have if I worked.

I often wonder if people who object to sahp on tax credit, ever got the childcare element themselves, or help with childcare, or accepted their child BENEFIT when benefits were given to everyone with kids.

@rickjames
I wasn’t a single mum until my kids were 6 and 11 so it wasn’t quite as hard as it would have been if they were smaller. Also, thankfully they are both healthy. A single mother with a SEN toddler has my utmost respect and sympathy and should be getting a lot of help from the state. I don’t get maintenance but I did get ex DPs share of the house which helped a lot. Ex DP lives abroad and only sees the kids for a couple of weeks a year.

I’m concerned about the poverty trap some women may find themselves in if they take a too long career break and are single mums or end up splitting from their DP. They may well end up in minimum wage zero hours jobs - that end of the employment market is going to get tougher as AI takes over un/low skilled roles. I think there will be a lot of people fighting over limited work and minimum benefits.

Not sure what the answer is. We certainly need more Health, Technology etc professionals but who knows what a baby born today will end up doing with their life!

No, as I ended up in this situation when my ex left us and I couldn't afford to go to work.

I do judge people who don't do anything about changing it though.

*Why should other hard working tax payers pay for your life choices.

Because that's what they choose by working It's obvious join them on benefits if you don't want to pay, what a stupid comment.*

Yes, perhaps EVERYONE should go in benefits, that would work 🤦‍♀️

Seriously, benefits should be a safety net for people for those that need it e.g children with SEN, people whose circumstances suddenly change, top ups for low paid people (OP is a perfect example)

Ah, I understand, the idea of training for something to get a qualification is what bothers you!

Not at all bothered, you, on the other hand, have been on this thread for hours arguing with people so it appears you are the one who is bothered.

RomanyQueen
you do know that not everyone has child benefits, don't you

Wow! I hate people suggesting benefits are a choice. They should only ever be a safety net. I belive on the welfare state but people suggesting it is or should be a choice are risking it destruction.

*it's destruction

It is the height of stupidity.

No but it is very hard to get back into work once you leave it. For this reason I would work as part time as I could manage (and I did... evenings and weekends whatever i could do) to prevent too many gaps in my CV. As it’s only me supporting my family I needed to look at the long term too, including pension contributions

So for practical reasons staying at home has many disadvantages aside from what other people think of it

But we understand that there are x amount of jobs to be filled which is far exceeded by the number of job seekers. So, what difference does it make if candidate 1, single mum with children under 5 gets the job or candidate 2, fresh out of uni with no responsibilities gets the job? Economically?

So, what difference does it make if candidate 1, single mum with children under 5 gets the job or candidate 2, fresh out of uni with no responsibilities gets the job? Economically?

If the mum gets the job, the cost to the state of supporting the single person would be lower because they'd only be entitled to a single person's benefit.

Where do you get the idea from that there are more job seekers than jobs?

But if the Mum gets the job then the state helps meet the cost of childcare and pays top up benefits too. I suppose it hinges of what the rate of pay is...

Also it's important for children to see parents working otherwise it normalises not working

I had a 20 year city career under my belt when I found I was pregnant at 41. I shan't go into the details of that. Indeed I was a working mother throughout my adult DD's childhood. My now ex-h upped and left when our DS was 2 years old (and quite clearly a child with serious issues for which he was under referral). I had given up my career but worked for his business part time while my DS was little.

My ex-h cleared out completely, a long, secretive, planned departure which involved liquidating assets, cutting off utilities, stopped paying the mortgage etc etc, none of which I was aware of until a few weeks after he left. I had zero income as he sacked me from the company, illegally, without notice or pay. I was forced to claim income support and various other benefits at the time because I had a child who, by that time, was undergoing diagnosis for ASD/SPD and my God was my life difficult (I was lucky if I got 2 or 3 hours sleep in 24). I literally had no choice at the time. I have zero support aside from a few very good friends on my doorstep and no family at all to help. I am now in receipt of DLA for my DS and Carer's Allowance (for the benefit of those who do no understand this, it is in order that you can care for your disabled child). That is what I do, I am a parent/carer. I can't, currently, go back to work although I am desperate to do so for my own sanity. I have paid tens upon tens of thousands of pounds in tax over the years, therefore I refuse to feel guilty about a situation that was not of my making and I could do little about. This is what the safety net of the benefit system is for. Ex-h has abandoned DS pretty much, very limited contact and pays sod all in terms of maintenance while living a wealthy and ostentatious lifestyle with OW. For me, this is not a long term solution, but one that works for now. Also, if anybody thinks that benetfit recipients are awash with cash, they really haven't got a clue. It's not a fucking lifestyle choice that has been said by some ignorant people on this thread. My DS is currently sitting with his defenders, under a blanket, having his post-school wind down and stim which means I can sit and have a tea and read MN. I'll be lucky if I get to bed before 1 am, my day starts at around 6 am. Some of the comments on here have really upset me. It is hard enough being a parent to a SN child when you have husband around and family support, let alone without it. All I can hope for going forward is a term time only job with an employer happy for me to drop everything and go whenever that's required. So no, I don't judge, particularly parents in my position.

@thetonsillolith

You make a good point, I'm just assuming, off to Google.

MyDH

Yes, of course, my ds1 doesn't get them for his child as earns way too much.
My point was everybody used to be entitled, did you not claim yours?
Would you have accepted tax credits if you were entitled. You used to be able to earn a huge household income of 60+k and still be entitled.

I was wondering how many of those who lost out are now complaining they are benefits and judging others.

Believe it or not families are complex and no two are the same, if you are doing what's best for your dc it shouldn't matter what others think, and tbh I couldn't give a toss. If it was better to work then I would.
Just atm I can't afford to earn any money. In 4 years time my business will have grown and financially I'll be able to earn a living. Until then I do whats best for my family, we are all different.

@rompecabezas
I work in an area related to AI. It is not the height of stupidity at all, you are very naive if you don’t think it is going to be a problem for the non/unskilled in the near future.