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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to admit that more often than not that I loathe being a parent?

74 replies

Whatthehell2020 · 03/06/2019 20:15

I have 5 children. I have been a parent since the age of 17 (not planned obviously!!). I am now 32. I am also a teacher (Reception age). I am surrounded by children 24/7.

I am totally exhausted with it. I need a break - as in, not a token spa day, but a 2 year break. I am only half joking when I say this Confused

3 of my children are teenagers/tweens. The hormones, the battles, the way they are zombies looking at their phones 24/7. I feel I live in a house with 3 people that hate me.

My husband is fantastic and is very hands on.

But I was thinking today, after dealing with a massive strop from my 12 year old about her excessive phone use..that I just don't enjoy parenting 90% of the time. It's soul destroying sometimes isn't it?

Like my life's work is to make these people happy and successful, but with all their teenage hormones I feel I am failing, and drowning.

I genuinely am not depressed before anyone says. But if I could switch off all feelings and not hurt my children in anyway, then I honestly think I'd move out, live alone and please only myself for a few years. Clearly I wouldn't do this. But I do fantastise about it.

Please say it's not just me that does not enjoying this parenting thing??

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/06/2019 20:25

Parenting can definitely be soul-crushing and completely exhausting. You are not alone. Do you think a career change might be good for you, op? Being around children all day every day must be so hard - I know I could never do it. You're still so young so changing careers is very possible.

bigchris · 03/06/2019 20:29

This is why i stopped at 2 Grin

LaDameAuxLicornes · 03/06/2019 20:33

You started very young, so you've never had the chance to enjoy that 2 years without children that you mention.

How old is your youngest now, and do you think he/she is likely to be your last? I appreciate that it must seem very far away just now, but the flip side of starting a family so young is that you will still be pretty young yourself when they begin to fly the nest and make their own way.

bobstersmum · 03/06/2019 20:38

You are not alone, parenting is a very hard job.

CaptainMarvellous · 03/06/2019 20:43

Definitely not just you, I feel the same way and I only have one tween (plus two younger). I don't know if I could cope with three of them raging against me.
On the upside they'll be off to uni soon?!

VladmirsPoutine · 03/06/2019 20:44

I understand the sentiment. Especially in the tween/teen years when you just seem to be more of a nuisance in their lives but surely this occurred to you before child 5?

Outnotdown · 03/06/2019 20:45

I have 4, eldest is 8, and I swear to God, I spend most of the days that I'm at home, trying to get them to leave me alone.

Then I feel guilty

I also fantasise about living alone in a one bed flat.

Then I feel guilty.

Sigh. I do love em though 😍

TooStressyTooMessy · 03/06/2019 20:46

YANBU Flowers

Tinyteatime · 03/06/2019 20:50

YANBU. Sometimes I think I’m not enjoying my children and the guilt is awful. At other times my hearts bursts. I’m pretty sure I will be stopping at 2 because a lot of the mundane boring stuff I’m just so over.

HertsMum81 · 03/06/2019 20:50

I (mostly!) enjoy it but I only have two. We considered a third but I knew that for me three would be the tipping point into not coping on a day-to-day basis, rather than just the odd bad day. I genuinely don’t know how people cope with more than two... you’re clearly all made of stronger stuff than me! And teaching as well OP - hats off to you!

Mnbb · 03/06/2019 20:52

You aren’t being unreasonable to admit you fee like this.

You maybe are being reasonable not to have made adjustments to your life to allow you to enjoy your kids more. If phones are the problem then ban them after a certain hour and in certain rooms. I do. It works. More radically maybe consider a career change so you aren’t exhausted by children before you get home to your own five.

FWIW I have four and I genuinely enjoy most of motherhood BUT I have a career totally unrelated to children so I feel I have a lovely change in focus each day at work.

TooStressyTooMessy · 03/06/2019 20:55

YANBU Flowers

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 03/06/2019 20:58

God yes!

The constant breaking up of bickering/petty squabbling.

Having to think for others (today’s was ds2 had a dirty knife, apparently it was too much to figure out that you just get a clean one)

Reminders about homework/revision

I too dream of a little cottage/flat where I can sit in peace.

poopypants · 03/06/2019 21:01

so why 5?

NameChangerAmI · 03/06/2019 21:02
Flowers

How old is DC5, OP?

I started young (but 4 years after you.) It's no wonder you feel this way when you've never been an adult without being a parent.

Would you consider a career change, as a PP suggested?

There is no way on earth I could cope with 5 DCs - well I could muddle through, but wouldn't enjoy it, just survive it.

What age ranges are your DCs, or would that be too outing?

Alwaysgrey · 03/06/2019 21:03

3 kids here. Two have special needs. I’m exhausted. I dream of walking out and starting my life again. But then I look at my kids and feel guilty.

NameChangerAmI · 03/06/2019 21:04

I meant to say YANBU, as I'm sure I would feel the same way if I were in your boots.

AlaskanOilBaron · 03/06/2019 21:04

Hmm... well, I really want to empathise, I do, but... why 5?

I think most people can work out that it's excruciatingly difficult by the time they have one, to be honest.

Ohhgreat · 03/06/2019 21:08

I couldn't have worked with kids and raised a family - work is my break from children! Can you look for a career change?

NameChangerAmI · 03/06/2019 21:09

Oh and....

Like my life's work is to make these people happy and successful, but with all their teenage hormones I feel I am failing, and drowning.

Don't always put yourself last - your happiness matters, too. Make positive steps for your happiness. What do you love to do most? Try and make time for it, whatever it is.

I notice that you're a teacher - only 7 weeks till the school holidays, do you think that you will start feeling better as the end of the school year approaches?

JoinTheDots · 03/06/2019 21:12

YANBU

I know how you feel.

MsTSwift · 03/06/2019 21:12

One of the reasons I stopped at 2. I want my own life too

Original poster
Whatthehell2020 · 03/06/2019 21:13

@LaDameAuxLicornes That's very true. I never had that time before children. My youngest is 6 now...... She's still adorable but I know that in 6 years she will be another stroppy hormonal tween Confused

I still believe I would have had 5 children, but ideally would've started later.

Isn't it funny, I now feel guilty for writing this. But truly I am exhausted with it.

A career change is definitely an idea. I have considered going into a more advisory/consultant role in teaching, so less student facing.

Thank you everyone. Feeling really down today.

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 03/06/2019 21:14

But op why have you gone on to have five children if you don't like 90 percent of parenting?? I've only got the one and it's staying that way because I find it so bloody difficult. The thought of having five gives me the shudders Grin

JustHereforHarriet · 03/06/2019 21:15

Teaching reception is hard enough OP without 5 kids. Hats off to you.