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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to admit that more often than not that I loathe being a parent?

74 replies

Whatthehell2020 · 03/06/2019 20:15

I have 5 children. I have been a parent since the age of 17 (not planned obviously!!). I am now 32. I am also a teacher (Reception age). I am surrounded by children 24/7.

I am totally exhausted with it. I need a break - as in, not a token spa day, but a 2 year break. I am only half joking when I say this

3 of my children are teenagers/tweens. The hormones, the battles, the way they are zombies looking at their phones 24/7. I feel I live in a house with 3 people that hate me.

My husband is fantastic and is very hands on.

But I was thinking today, after dealing with a massive strop from my 12 year old about her excessive phone use..that I just don't enjoy parenting 90% of the time. It's soul destroying sometimes isn't it?

Like my life's work is to make these people happy and successful, but with all their teenage hormones I feel I am failing, and drowning.

I genuinely am not depressed before anyone says. But if I could switch off all feelings and not hurt my children in anyway, then I honestly think I'd move out, live alone and please only myself for a few years. Clearly I wouldn't do this. But I do fantastise about it.

Please say it's not just me that does not enjoying this parenting thing??

OP posts:

SoftSheen · 03/06/2019 22:22

You have five children and are teaching Reception? You must be Superwoman!

TheBigFatMermaid · 03/06/2019 22:23

Wow!! Pregnant at 17 and still managed to qualify as a teacher! I'm impressed!

As for the over use of phones, we have recently eliminated all arguments. We have downloaded an app on to my phone and the DCs phones. It is called OurPact. It is free to download, although there are small costs involved in use. I have both my teen/pre teens on it. If they disappear too long, the apps all get turned off on their phones. If they are not doing their chores, the apps all get turned off on their phones. If they argue with me..... you et the picture.

Yes, they could delete it (I'm sure there must be a way to prevent this but I cannot find it) but if they do, I get a notification and they get their phones removed.

No more arguments, as I refuse to listen to shouting over shut down apps, they know this. There is no arguing with a shut down app, where there might be if they have working phones in their hands.

LaurieFairyCake · 03/06/2019 22:25

I think most of parenting is utter shit

I kind of want to know why you kept going after 1 you mad fucker

5 fucking kids! That's so mad

MrsBlondie · 03/06/2019 22:25

Since my oldest turned 12 Ive felt the same. Now 13 and its hideous. Anger and hatred.
10.30 my best part of the day as peace as he is in bed!

maras2 · 03/06/2019 22:29

Thank God my kids were 20 + when this tech malarkey started.
I do remember though, back in the day when they were pestering about who watches TISWAS and who wants Swapshop, thinking 'Wil you just bugger off and come back when you're old enough to buy me a pint FFS'
Sorry for your troubles though.Give it a few years and you too will have rose tinted specs.

malificent7 · 03/06/2019 22:44

I so sympathise with the op...and im in awe which is why i coild not do it...
I am trying to say the op us definately not being unreasonable as one is hard

malificent7 · 03/06/2019 22:44

The 1 child policy has issues but overpopulation of planet earth is far worse...

Singlenotsingle · 03/06/2019 22:55

yesican the problems in China are because of the enforced one child policy and the fact that everyone wanted boys! I don't think everyone here would all want boys.

malificent7 · 03/06/2019 22:57

Anyway..i digress..op yanbu

Original poster

Whatthehell2020 · 04/06/2019 13:37

Oh god you're all fab and really have made.me feel better!

I so wish I'd lived in China - would have saved me these issues of too many kids

OP posts:

Daydreamer34 · 04/06/2019 14:54

Sending hugs. I think most people feel this way. I have two under 8, one of which has adhd so is very intense and hard work. When we go out everything is lovely but when we are at home I wish I was alone as I can't deal with the noise levels after a few hours and the constant questions, nagging, arguing etc. But then when they go to school i miss them and sit looking at photos of them! Within 10 minutes of picking them up I'm wishing I was alone again! Lol

Gin96 · 04/06/2019 15:28

Teenagers are the worst. I love my daughter but sometimes I just want to run away, you can’t do right for wrong, one minute she’s lovely and then she turns into the she devil. I find it hard with one, so I know exactly where your coming from

Linning · 04/06/2019 17:54

My mother is very similar to you. Got pregnant with me at 16, had 4 children before the age of 30 and has been working with your kids since the age of 21.

By the time DB1& I entered our teenage years you could tell she was sick of parenting and had mentally checked out.

She did take a break (she didn't leave but she stopped parenting) and while I understand that she had me very young and didn't really get to be a young adult without children, it was kind of overwhelming as a teenager to see your mom completely sign off parenting and relive our teenage years.

She did enjoy her mental break for about 5 years but is now pregnant with number 5 so about to serve another life sentence.

Personally, I think she was selfish to have more kids than she could look after and cope with, not even commenting on the fact that she's now adding a 5th one to our already overpopulated planet and her already full plate.

It's good you acknowledge that you can't really run away, You are young and soon enough your youngest will be a teen and you will have your freedom back (as long as you don't do like my mother and have a 6th one!).

Teenagers can be a pain, I know I was, but they also need you most.

Linning · 04/06/2019 17:56

With young kids not "your" kids, obviously. ;)

formerbabe · 04/06/2019 18:06

It's really hard isn't it?!

My ds is 11 and omg, the moodiness and attitude and back chat. He's current on a phone ban for being rude and disrespectful to me. I've been told I'm a peasant and he hates me . I felt like saying, yes I am a quite peasant like, because I spend all my money on you!

Anyway, I have 9 years, 3 months and 3 weeks to go until they're both adults then I'm outta here on a world cruise, cocktail in hand!

Gin96 · 04/06/2019 18:14

Don’t be so sure my son is still at home at 28, he has just been made redundant and i’m constantly trying to keep him up beat looking for his next job role

Youngandfree · 04/06/2019 18:20

You are not alone! I took myself off to Australia for 2 weeks once when I had enough. That was 2 years ago and I feel like I need to do it again 😂😂😭😭 this evening my daughter threw her dinner on the floor In protest (she’s normally great at dinner time) but tonight I made something completely new and she wasn’t having any of it (wouldn’t even try it, which is our rule)so when I said try it or there’s nothing else she threw it on the floor 😭😭😡😡 I am so cross this evening now 😡😭

NameChangerAmI · 04/06/2019 19:24

YoungandFree how old is your DD?

user87382294757 · 04/06/2019 19:50

This is why I left teaching - most i know only do part time with DCs or never get a break. Maybe do something else. I did museums education work for a while.

Tumbleweed101 · 04/06/2019 20:01

I find it hard being around children all day (preschool) and then needing to give my own quality attention when I get home. All I want is to not give attention to anyone else for the evening lol.

Walkingthere · 04/06/2019 20:22

I think you didn’t stop at 1 because in all the chaos, madness and frustration, you must also love it? I do. sometimes it’s awful. But mostly also very wonderful.
I have 2. I want a third, but am looking at this thread and wondering if that is a good idea. I would have 3 teenagers all at once if I did (small age gaps).

FookMeFookYou · 04/06/2019 20:35

You are absolutely not alone. It's fucking hard work with no let up. Imagine having 2 years off heaven

Zerrin13 · 04/06/2019 22:04

I have a 14 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. Most days it's like living with aliens.

NameChangerAmI · 07/06/2019 18:57

Just wanting to add a little shimmer of light to the thread .

It's a phase, like the toddler years, only it lasts longer, obviously. Unless they've been little horrors all their lives, they will come good again and it will pass.

My DC1 has come out the other side. We now enjoy each others' company and look forward to spending time together - it's a joy! I never thought that time would come.

DC2 was such a pain in the arse at one point, that none of us even wanted to be in the same room as him for much of Y7 , but although he's not yet 15, already, he's through the worst of it. He's gorgeous again a lot of the time, whilst staying true to teenage form for the remainder!

DC3 is exactly like DCs 1 & 2 were at the same age, but by now, I know the worst is yet to come, but it's short lived and will get better. I survive by taking myself off to my room when I need a break from them all. When I get in from work (I work with children also,) they know that I need to sit in the kitchen with a brew, uninterrupted, to recharge my batteries, so when we get in, we all give each other the space we need.

for everyone hating the phase that their DCs are in.

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