AIBU to admit that more often than not that I loathe being a parent?

[Whatthehell2020]

I have 5 children. I have been a parent since the age of 17 (not planned obviously!!). I am now 32. I am also a teacher (Reception age). I am surrounded by children 24/7.

I am totally exhausted with it. I need a break - as in, not a token spa day, but a 2 year break. I am only half joking when I say this

3 of my children are teenagers/tweens. The hormones, the battles, the way they are zombies looking at their phones 24/7. I feel I live in a house with 3 people that hate me.

My husband is fantastic and is very hands on.

But I was thinking today, after dealing with a massive strop from my 12 year old about her excessive phone use..that I just don't enjoy parenting 90% of the time. It's soul destroying sometimes isn't it?

Like my life's work is to make these people happy and successful, but with all their teenage hormones I feel I am failing, and drowning.

I genuinely am not depressed before anyone says. But if I could switch off all feelings and not hurt my children in anyway, then I honestly think I'd move out, live alone and please only myself for a few years. Clearly I wouldn't do this. But I do fantastise about it.

Please say it's not just me that does not enjoying this parenting thing??

I have three children and I was a teacher. Note the was. I can't be a parent and a teacher, it was too much 'child'.

@NameChangerAmI Thank you X. They are between the ages of 6 and 15.

For those asking why 5? Well, I wonder myself . I genuinely love babies and toddlers and I didn't know when to stop lol. If I'd considered the hormones of 5 children I would have been wiser!!

So glad it's not just me who fantastises about life in a 1 bedroom house in the forest.

So many of you have suggested a career change. I do think this is such a good idea. Also, whoever said about me coming home from work after being exhausted by little children all day which makes me less inclined to want to do it with my own - you hit the nail on the head.

I do have to work to support the kids though, giving up work is not an option. 5 kids and their hobbies is so expensive. But will seriously look into other options.

I'm trying to work out how the hell you managed to do A-levels, a degree, a PGCE at the same time as having 5 kids by the age of 32!

I am in awe!

I had my DD late, she's now nearly 9 and I'm 43 wondering what the fuck I've done to my life!

Before I opened your thread, I'd just said to my DH, that much as I'd love grandchildren, I really should put my DD off having kids.

This response may be being influenced by the fact that its 9:30 and I've only just got her to bed!!!

Five is brave, and perhaps OTT. I have one. But unlike you, I was 42 at conception. .And I wasn't keen on the baby/toddler stages, but i have enjoyed all the bits since, including adolescence. I am not enjoying getting prepared for my only chick to leave home but it will happen. Soon, and I shall be bereft.

No useful advice other than like a PP i am in total awe that you managed to qualify as a teacher and have 5 kids all before the age of 32!! No wonder you feel like you need a break, what an achievement!

I text my mum this evening saying I wanted to run away- my two teenagers were arguing non-stop and I was trying to get my baby to sleep. It’s exhausting!!!

This is why I stopped at one!

Yes it is remarkable op! Hats off to you! Can't imagine being pregnant that many times with no mat leave or security- getting a professional career in between babies and toddlers is no mean feat.

I think it's fair to say that I find parenting by far the most arduous part of my day and I'm not a teacher. Sounds like you need a break. All the best

Well yeah, 5 kids at home and 30 kids at work, I'm not bloody surprised! Sounds dire.

Just to give OP some hope...

My sister had her first at 20 and went on to have 5 total. She’s also a primary school teacher and is now 40.

I have my career, travelled the world and now live overseas, had my first (and last) last year at 39.

Sorry you're struggling, OP.

Don't mind admitting that I was hoping those tween and teen years would be easier?! My kids are 8 and 2... it feels awful! So there's worse to come...

Posted too soon...

My sister now has her life back, nights out with the girls and is generally enjoying life with grown up (mostly) kids whilst I have a one year old that rubs his dinner in his hair and shits through three sets of clothes a day...

I know. My 22 month old is killing me right now. Killing me. I thought surely the teenage years are easier than this shite...😕

Thank you so much. I was pretty much on a mission to prove my (late ) Mum wrong. She was devastated that I fell pregnant so young and was insistent it would ruin my life and I'd end up on benefits with no career lol. I had my first born in the summer that I finished my A Levels, went straight to Uni in the Autumn and then pregnant with my second during my PGCE. Then I had the other 3 when qualified.

Actually reading all this it's no wonder I am exhausted.

OMG - I missed somehow that you are a Reception teacher!

I really do take my hat off to you - the hardest job of all!

My DS gets very stroppy when I say he has to come off his phone & always protests and aks why? My answer is often along the lines of "because it's bad for your brain to be on it for too long, and anyway, I do actually value your company and would like to spend some time having a conversation with you!"

Could you maybe sit down with the stroppy teenagers and watch something funny on tv together every now & then as a way of just being in the same room together without them being on their phones? Something like Friday Night Dinner? My DS loves that and it's one of the few programmes we can watch together and both enjoy. Bad Education is another one that comes to mind.

@Greaterthanthesumoftheparts You really made me laugh! Thank you. So there is hope!

I'm afraid I think the baby and toddler years are easy compared to tweens and teens. They are pretty much bigger versions of toddlers but with more to say and harder to control

Of course you want a break. In all honesty, I had a three month break after the PGCE alone! You have worked your arse off for years! You are not unreasonable. You are a bloody hero.

Why dosn't everyone stop at 1? I have...i cannot fathom whh people do this repeatedly...

malificent7

What's the point of your post?

How's that supposed to help the OP, exactly?

Jog off to the one child families board, where that kind of comment will be applauded by some, if that's all you can contribute.

Malificent... I take it you are unaware of the problems in China as a result of 1 child families?

@NameChangerAmI Fab ideas, thank you x

I get burn out but maybe it’s an age thing too? You say you like younger kids but yours have outgrown this and have new challenges.

Maybe teach way older kids? Plenty of colleges hire teachers with any PGCSE. The maturer surroundings of Colleges might be refreshing, lots more staff, better facilities for adults rather than children etc. Then you’d see yours aren’t so tricky!

I don’t want to sound unsympathetic, but it isn’t actually compulsory to choose to have children at all, never mind choosing to have 5 of them. I know lots of people who found being a parent so tough that they decided to stop at one.

YANBU, Living with Teenagers is massively stressful. Try not to think about the fact that your 6 yo will be like this one day, just concentrate on the here and now.

In the end they mostly turn into decent adults (how?) but it’s like you need to move into a different sphere of parenting.

Three things helped me:

Pick your battles, they do a massive range of dreadful things and you can’t spend your time dealing with 5,000 things a day so decide on a very small number of non-negotiables. Examples might include “Let me know where you are, and respect the agreed return time”

Each one has their own Achilles Heel. It could be money, phone, lifts, X box etc. This is not available unless the non-negotiables happen.

This book saved me:
www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Out-Life-bestselling-teenagers/dp/1846680875?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Christ yes! Children don't get easier, they can get harder. Well most of them.

The rub is we just love them so much.
That's what's exhausting.
The longer you have them.
The more you love them.
The more you want for them.
It's hard.
I just vacillate between being bloody thrilled I had them late in life, had years of being childless, selfish and self absorbed. Loved it and my life.
To being a parent who loves them so much yet at times they drive me mad.
And at the same time as I feel hugely irritated with them, being massively guilty because they are healthy, well and doing well, so I should be grateful.

They can give so much pure joy but at times the stress of wanting so much for them is testing.

I haven't met a parent that hasn't felt the same.
There is a reason childless people look so fresh and well for their age!😚