To start a thread for the sleep deprived parents?

[Ifeelbloodyawful]

That's just for supporting one another and is a place to offload about how truly shit sleep deprivation is?

Not a thread for being told to try this/do that/CIO/read this book/try a dummy/try formula/my babies have all slept beautifully since X old (), etc?

Sometimes I don't want "solutions", I just want understanding. Just want a place to be understood, consoled, have a moan, and to remind each other that "this too shall pass" (please!) and in the meantime there is coffee...

So is it just me? Currently surviving on 3-4 hours a night, if I am lucky, and I want to give up, but obviously not an option!

After a four-day streak of sleeping like a reasonable baby and not pooing at night my 7-week-old went back to waking every 90 minutes last night. No amount of shush-patting could stop her and she raced through nappies like it was a competition.

To top it off I'm on penicillin to be taken on an empty stomach so I can't have cake, and my nipples feel like broken glass which probably means thrush so no cake anyway. And DP isn't home for another 11.5 hours.

@Mybobowler - a HUSK, that's a perfect description. I am also a husk. Although I'm not suffering as much as some of you on here. Good grief! Is surviving sleep deprivation a female superpower?

@ListenLinda - did you survive?

@stressedandsore - I so want some quiet. Between the baby and preschooler I feel like I am just wailed at constantly.

@SundaeMorning good to hear the words of a survivor, from the other side. I am doing my best to cherish DD as I know they grow so fast, but sometimes in the heat of the moment that is hard isn't it?

We're back to averagely shit nights at the moment. Could be worse, could be a damn sight better.

I'm thinking of starting a bedtime routine of sorts. Set up video monitor in bedroom. Rather than feeding to sleep on sofa, feed to sleep in bed. Lay down with her once asleep and then roll away and come downstairs for a short while. I don't know how effective it will be, but being able to eat my dinner without a baby in my arms would be an utter treat. Currently feeding to sleep on the sofa, so haven't been proactive enough to start tonight or anything!

My marriage is a mess. DH super resentful of how much he is doing with toddler, etc. I don't know how much longer we can go on like this. Although part of me is annoyed that he's not just sucking it up, seeing as I'm doing ALL nights by myself.

Oh and I have just realised I forgot to change DDs nappy before started feeding to sleep. Damn!

I have found my people.

I have three boys.
My first one I tried everything to help him sleep and eventually having exhausted all options and every one distressing him further, I had to let him cry.
It worked in that he got himself to sleep quickly but he didn't sleep through the night until he was 5.

His brother had allergies and lots of issues with his tummy so would often wake so much in the night I would just be sat up all-night patting and comforting him. At best he would wake hourly until he was 3 years old. To say it was hell would be an understatement. He started sleeping through when he was 6.

I have DS3 now, he's adorable. Nearly 6 months and equally as shit as his brothers with the whole sleep thing.

At best he will wake every 2 hours.
At worst he will wake every 30-45 minutes.
He seems pretty even on the two and I can see any rhyme or reason why it would be a good or bad night.
4am is morning for him, 5.30 is a rare 'lie in'.

All of them breastfed, none of them took dummies even though I really tried.

I endeavour to spend hundreds on a sleep consultant this time round so long as he doesn't have allergies like my middle boy.
I don't mind waking in the night, I do very much mind waking every half an hour.

Can I join. My DD is 14 months, usually not a bad sleeper but only because we co-sleep. I have tried so hard to get her into her own cot, she hates it and wakes every hour. If she's in my bed she sleeps through but she is incredibly fidgety. She rolls and throws her arms about and lifts her bum up in the air and it drives me crazy. But this is better than a crying toddler imo. So yeah, I'm always tired especially on a Monday as I work Friday to Sunday 11 hour shifts, single parent so don't get much of a break, my mum will sometimes have her overnight but not often.

DD currently has hand foot and mouth, she hasn't slept longer than 45 mins at night for over a week. Last night at 1am I sat and cried as she screamed next to me. I'm exhausted, I've never felt this tired ever and her illness seems to be never ending and her constant moaning is driving me nights. But it's not her fault, I just wish the doctor would give me something other than a throat spray for her as it doesn't seem to be working. Also I can't leave her, since She's been ill she has to be sittin on or next to me leaning on me, and if I try to put her down to sleep she wakes within 20 mins looking for me, crying.

Also fed up with and hate people telling me I've made the worst mistake ever for letting DD sleep in with me. I didn't have much of a choice, and their words make me feel like a failure.

Just about @Ifeelbloodyawful

DD has woken at 11.30pm. 1.30am and 4.30am for the past two nights. DS has seen 12am - 2/3am ish both them nights.

I am broken.

Hi!

I have two ds - 4 and 2. Both always been horrendous sleepers and can’t believe I’m still in the thick of it. Currently, ds2 wakes at some point in the night and stays awake basically poking me for 3 bloody hours. Then he still gets up at 5am. I would say 99.9% of my friends try to give ‘advice’ or helpfully tell me their little treasures slept through from 6 weeks. Would say you know nothing (Jon Snow) about motherhood until you are one of the sleep deprived ones

Also fed up with and hate people telling me I've made the worst mistake ever for letting DD sleep in with me. I didn't have much of a choice, and their words make me feel like a failure.

Oh yes to this so much. I have had no positivity about co sleeping despite the fact I’m pretty sure it saved my life in the early days. I hope you know you’re not a failure.

Am I too late to join 3 DCs age 6,4,1. 6 and 4 year old normally sleep beautifully however the currently have chicken pox and have been up every couple of hours as well 19 month old who is the world's worst sleeper. He had chicken pox before the other 2 as well so we're heading into our 4th week of house arrest I am seriously sleep deprived and have cabin fever I haven't slept through a night in nearly 2 years

My dd is 2.7 and for the last 8 weeks she's started waking in the night. And once awake it takes her hours to get back to sleep. Last night she woke when I'd just got into bed at 10:40 i put her in bed with me because I know she won't go back to sleep. I'm not sure what time she went to sleep this morning but I know it was almost daylight 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm a walking zombie this morning.

Is it normal to literally be EXHAUSTED all the time? I swear I am just constantly tired! It’s so hard to find motivation to do stuff (especially with all the rain). DP travels a lot for work but even when he is here all the cleaning/cooking/childcare is left for me to do. Sitting on the sofa trying to motivation myself to clean the living room while dd naps.. I feel like I need 24 hours of sleep 😴

Last night wasn’t even that bad! Only 3/4 wake ups.

Checking in!

DD has a horrible cold (as do I!) and sleep is even worse. A couple of nights ago she was awake 00:30-05:30 (and woke three times before that too!). Urgh. Although last night wasn't too bad, I think she was a bit zonked from the cold and I think only woke four times for a quick feed.

Sorry my brain isn't functioning enough to properly reply to all the PPs, but I hope everyone is doing better than us right now? xxx

I've been lurking on this thread for a while in sleep deprived solidarity with you all! I have a DS who is 16 months and still waking frequently, I'm back at work 3 days a week. Sleep deprivation really messes with you doesn't it.. I am never not tired?! Hoping you are all having good days nevertheless.

We had a bad night last night after a few good ones (he even slept in until 7:45 on Sunday!) so that caught me out. He didn't get any teeth until 13 months so they are all coming in quite fast now. I don't like to dose him up automatically when he goes to bed but I think last night they were giving him some difficulty as he was awake at 10pm, 12am, 2am, 4am, roughly.... eek.

Same here missB. Had a few good nights and now back to being shitty. While DS2 had his morning nap today I let DS1 watch cartoons on my iPad in my bed so I could sleep. I felt awful as I had promised him we'd play football in the garden - more than anything I hate how sleep derivation turns me into a shitty parent.

Lotsofpots I used to definitely feel that when I was still on maternity leave, now I just sit like a zombie at my desk! Sure it will be better in a year or six...

Solidarity here ladies, I am just trying to get my 2yo to sleep having 'missed the window ' after getting back late from work. She gets up at 4am frequently to start the day and has not ever slept through the night yet.

Ironically she is the better sleeper of my 2. Now 4yo used to wake every 45mins for a period of time and at least every 2 hours until she was almost 2yo. I was obsessed with sleep and felt awful. I wanted to punch people with babies that slept. She now does 7-7pm and I NEVER thought I would see this day!

Co sleeping saved me. There are so many people who give unwanted advice/criticism for parents of poor sleepers. They believe they are helping you by passing on advice, but it's likely they've never experienced a true bad sleeper and so just don't get it! Big hugs and naps for all x

Checking in. My almost 11month old DD slept beautifully until the four month sleep regression and now will not sleep longer than 20-40 minutes unless she is on top of me, and preferably on the boob. She is my youngest, and the older DC (also breastfed and coslept) were never like this - I was getting good four hour stretches in the evening and decent naps by this point.

I actually think the lack of adult time is worse than the lack of sleep. I'm a bit like a toddler in that lack of sleep makes me feel a bit manic and hyper until I crash, so I don't have the agonised zombie feelings to struggle through... Though I can feel a crash coming. But I never get more than about twenty minutes to myself, without her touching me, unless I'm at work - she will not accept DH settling her and he works until 8.30 most nights.

I have a space saver cot sidecar to the bed, but she's growing out of it and has started to try and escape it during her many wakings. She also has started to want to spread out a little more.

The children's bedrooms are on a floor above us (old cottage, weird layout) and I'm nervous of putting her up there, but I'm starting to feel that maybe I should. A blackout blind and the big proper cot might do the trick? She feels too young though - I want her with me - but I also want her to sleep. This wasn't an issue with the others because when I put them down in the evening they'd sleep solidly and not move until I came to bed!

I might actually make a separate post about the room/upstairs/cot issue, I'd like to see what other people have done

Agree about the bad advice on sleeping! If you have a child who doesn't want to sleep you have to adapt. I hate it when well meaning friends are giving advice which would just lead to DS getting upset, they don't understand what he's like.

Really sympathise re the lack of adult time. I felt that too before I went back to work. It was a big break through once I could get DS to go to sleep on my bed at 7ish and barricade him with pillows etc then go to watch some TV for a couple of hours... you feel so touched out with a baby who BF and only naps on you!!!

Smiling at the naive younger me who set an alarm for my day off today for 7am. We've been awake since 5am

5am in this house too. My eldest now 7 has always been a good sleeper and still needs 12 hours! The 3yo is a fucker though. I can’t really put him to bed later though as the eldest will complain it’s not fair.

Am refusing to let him watch tv and ‘reward’ his early waking, but I think I am just punishing myself

Soooooo tired! Got a 5 month old who doesn't sleep through, although my experiences have not been as soul destroying as some of yours (power to you for surviving!)

I started on coffee to get me through but found that was stopping me from sleeping when we hit a lucky night where there was a four hour sleep period. I've had to wean myself off caffeine and oh my god I feel simultaneously worse AND better!

more than anything I hate how sleep derivation turns me into a shitty parent @Lotsofpots 100% agree. Parenting is hard enough, add sleep deprivation into the mix and I just feel like I'm constantly letting one or both of my children down. DS is at a particularly difficult age at the moment, and is pushing boundaries. I keep ending up losing my rag, despite knowing better. My patience is just wafer thin. I'm so worn down!Also feel sorry for DS as he just doesn't get enough time one-on-one with me as DD is so utterly demanding. DH having to do most bedtimes as normally DD needs feeding to sleep at that time and if I leave her with DH she just screams. DS asks for me every night and it kills me having to say no. Made more annoying by the fact DH moans about doing his bedtime, while I'm desperate to do them! Last night DS was struggling to drop off to sleep and I went up to him as DD wasn't submitting to sleep either... had a lovely cuddle in his bed. However I could hear DD down with DH screaming her head off, which kind of spoiled it a little bit!

I wanted to punch people with babies that slept - I feel this. I know it's awful and not fair, but I can't help it. I don't feel this about all of them, just the ones who go on about it (smugly). I remember when DS started sleeping better I generally didn't talk about it to other parents as I didn't want anyone else to feel shit.

Poor DD has been struggling with this cold. Her cough keeps waking her up. Consequently she's only just having a (fingers crossed!) proper nap now, as I've just finally managed to boob her into submission. So now I am glued to the sofa and we're missing out one baby class of the week (more guilt!). She's been so overtired lately that I can't bring myself to sacrifice the nap! Please pray for me that she's able to get a decent chunk of sleep!

You've basically summarised exactly how I constantly feel ifeel - and now I'm back at work so much of that is intensified (except I guess I now just see equally guilty towards both children...)

@Lotsofpots - sucks doesn't it? I want so much to just be able to enjoy this time as best I can, but I feel like I'm almost wishing the time away! They're small for such a short time, it makes me sad.