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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a thread for the sleep deprived parents?

147 replies

Ifeelbloodyawful · 03/06/2019 11:45

That's just for supporting one another and is a place to offload about how truly shit sleep deprivation is?

Not a thread for being told to try this/do that/CIO/read this book/try a dummy/try formula/my babies have all slept beautifully since X old (Envy), etc?

Sometimes I don't want "solutions", I just want understanding. Just want a place to be understood, consoled, have a moan, and to remind each other that "this too shall pass" (please!) and in the meantime there is coffee...

So is it just me? Currently surviving on 3-4 hours a night, if I am lucky, and I want to give up, but obviously not an option!

OP posts:
littlestrawby · 04/06/2019 12:54

@Ifeelbloodyawful she started with every 40 minutes from 12 weeks old and it's never really improved! I keep thinking to the future thinking surely by x months she'll be better...then x months rolls around and it isn't... now she is 18mo I am resolved to try to night wean as I am sure this must partly just be bad habits now. Sorry to hear your marriage is struggling too. My dh really struggles with how demanding dd is during the day, even though he isn't the one dealing with her at night, does yours? House is also a bomb site here and we have an endless list of jobs that will never get done! I do wonder how other parents, especially those with more than one, ever get anything done?!

@OhDearDottie I am the same - each morning I resolve to have an early night and then each evening I never quite get round to it.

Hope everyone's managing to squeeze in some hands free (of babies) time for some lunch!

Original poster
Ifeelbloodyawful · 04/06/2019 15:36

We've dozed on the sofaa bit this afternoon (well I dozed, DD slept like a log). Just woken up and remembered there are biscuits in the cupboard - off to make tea.
British Gas didn't turn up!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifeelbloodyawful · 04/06/2019 15:38

@littlestrawby - yes he struggles with this too. DD cries if left with him and he can't settle her (IMO party because he doesn't really make much effort to). She also rolls into her tummy repeatedly and then cries because she doesn't want to be there (repeat X 10000).

OP posts:
Magnificentbeast · 04/06/2019 17:16

You have my sympathy OP. I'm just coming out of the other side of it now but I do remember how utterly debilitating it is.

I also understand the need to just have a moan about the lack of sleep/exhaustion without people offering advice, information on how well their baby sleeps etc.

I will say it does get easier. They and you do get there. I genuinely believed it would never happen but we did get to now where she sleeps through. Even when she jumps into my bed in the middle of the night she doesn't need me to wake up and I don't!

MissB83 · 04/06/2019 19:24

The thing that winds me up most these days isn't the night waking but bedtime. He is a nightmare. It's worst on nursery days as currently my mum has to drive him to and from (about 30 mins) and he usually falls asleep on the way home, then he's grotty until bedtime but it takes up to 2 hours to get him to sleep. He just feeds and feeds, wriggles, bites, claws my face, and makes little singing noises... it would be cute but it's so bloody annoying when it goes on and on... and on! Confused

MissB83 · 04/06/2019 19:25

I just wish that at 15 months he could settle himself a bit more. He usually wakes up again after an hour or so as well!

GlamGiraffe · 04/06/2019 19:33

DD just shy of 2. A demon has beseiged her. She will not go to sleepp for live nor money. Looks like a zombieeith huge black eyebags. Going everything to "ein" her side of the battle obviously she is not hoing to rampage arpundall day and night just because she wants too and goes in her room. Will not be placated at all. I'm like the living dead. Have no bread or milk cant even drag myself to walk to the shops to buy some. Its soul destroying.
Meanwhile DH and DS been on 5 day holiday together and came back to immaculate house lively connected and DH has the cheek to keep saying he's so tired.. the term death wish springs to mind. Do not provoke a woman who is exhausted by lack of sleep and tantrums to thus level after your luxury jolly!
In Germany they send you on health holidays which are basically spas to recover apparently. I like this idea.

GhostIsAGoodBoi · 04/06/2019 19:35

Sleep?!

My 3 year old has slept through the night... Twice. When poorly. You name it I’ve tried it.

Last night I went into her 7 times. 7 times. And we’re on a different floor.

I had an Autism support group meeting today and a bastard Statistics exam at Uni. I suspect I may have tanked it.

hazeyjane · 04/06/2019 20:03

My dd1 was a bloody awful sleeper....for years (sorry). Dd2 (a year older) a good sleeper thankfully.
Then we had ds. Oh. My. God. He has a rare genetic condition, part of which is very 'disordered' sleep. Melatonin helps, but even with this, he wakes with reflux and night terrors. He has never spent a whole night in his bed. He is nearly 9. Altogether I think the 13 years of awful nights has aged me and had a real impact on my health.

Orangedaisy · 04/06/2019 21:58

Good luck tonight everyone. As if luck would actually change anything.....! My dp always wishes me a good night with dd just as we go to sleep (he works more than me so I get up). Here’s hoping one day it’ll actually happen!!

flowerstar19 · 04/06/2019 23:25

Ooh yes OP please can I join?! Sympathy from me. DS2 18 months is a nightmare sleeper. I am just debating if it's worth closing my eyes or if he will wake in 10 minutes! I seem to be ever optimistic that tonight will be better but it never is! Sigh...

tor8181 · 05/06/2019 00:21

my 8 and 14 y old dont sleep due to many complex disabilities each,no medication works tries every sleep medication possible

oldest goes go 3-4 days straight being up and the 8 y old does drop off but at wrong times,we are up till 6-8am every night with youngest jumping around and being hyper then sleep till early afternoon,i still need to be with him at night due to severe anxiety and being mentally 4 and no scence ot danger so hes still in my bed

oldest needs a adult with him at all times so one of us have to be with him so as both need 24 hour supervision and are home educated(no where for them to go,not severe enough for special school and they are none around here anyway and not suitable for mainstream) we get no break at all as there is no one professional for them to see(no services at all here)

im living on a few hours per day as we(dads carers as well) alternate being awake with oldest so the other can sleep with the youngest

for us it wont get better and its not as if we can ride out the phase as this has been our life for 10 years now(nearly 11)

ironic thing was up until 4 both slept through the night since newborn,got to 4 and 4 and half then disabilities seem to kick in and the no sleeping happened

ListenLinda · 05/06/2019 06:09

3 hours last night here, not all in one go either...

I want to cry.

Original poster
Ifeelbloodyawful · 05/06/2019 10:52

Our night wasn't too bad. Three wake-ups. I could live with three wake-ups TBH, I'm not asking for much?! Although I'd prefer it if I didn't have to share a bed with a fidget bottom baby who wakes me up repeatedly, even when she's still sound asleep. I Feel much more human today than I did yesterday at least.

My back, neck and shoulders are so sore from contorting myself to accommodate her. She likes me to sleep with a hand on her, which is surprisingly uncomfortable!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifeelbloodyawful · 05/06/2019 10:54

@tor8181 - I'm incredibly sorry, that sounds very, very tough. I'm sure a thread like this seems a bit silly from your shoes.

Do you have an option/opportunity to access any kind of respite care? Thinking of you. xx

OP posts:
Jbonesmumma1 · 05/06/2019 16:50

My DS has been suffering with an ear infection... so I needed to sit upright all night with him on my chest so he could get some sleep, or he would of been an overtired mess all day.

Asked DP if he would do a few hours in the morning so I could get a rest before my day started... he said that he 'can't work on no sleep' HmmAngry ... to which I relied ... 'and I'm supposed to mum on no sleep?' ... honestly wish my partner saw me being home with the baby as more than just a doss! I have a very active 10 month old! Who is ALWAYS on the go...Constantly. I feel shattered by 5pm... even without the lack of sleep!

Our best night in ten months was 7pm-1am, 1am-3am, 3am-5am with a 6am wake up. That was the BEST night Confused

Scotinoz · 05/06/2019 16:58

Fucking sleep 😡

My eldest was about 4...that's 4 years, not 4 months...before she actually sleep for a solid 8 hours.

And my youngest who has just turned 4, again 4 years, has recently decided that she'd rather scream and cry like a 4 month old baby between about 7pm and 10pm, then wake multiple times a night. No idea WTF is going on 😭😭

prismWitch · 05/06/2019 17:25

@Jbonesmumma1 I really think they do not understand until they have to step up to a plate. With our first one, I got very bad stomach flu and could not touch baby for three days. My DH had to take over, took off work. I was zoned out travelling bed-bathroom only and as I was exhausted slept all the time so he had to do everything. Since that time he is much more helpful and gained new appreciation on how shit it is being at home with baby.

I was going to complain about my youngest family addition and his sleeping/burping/waking up while farting and screeching through sleep every 30 min, but bloody hell you guys have it rough Shock

hiccupgate · 05/06/2019 17:45

lolololol sleep.

DS is awake every. fucking. hour.

Won't nap anywhere but the carrier either, so "sleep when the baby sleeps" is a far-off dream.

Original poster
Ifeelbloodyawful · 06/06/2019 08:47

Back to another shitty night here. Lord almighty, give me strength.

I keep looking at the Lucy Wolfe book on Amazon, but I can't imagine where I'd find time to read it.

OP posts:
MissB83 · 06/06/2019 08:57

Is there anything worse than waking up more tired than you went to bed?!!!! And horrendous PMT and a chest cold on top. Not feeling much gratitude for my life today.

2toddlers · 06/06/2019 09:04

3 year old and nearly 2 year old, both a complete nightmare, 2 year old has never slept through, he's up late into the evening and then 3 times in the night, he then wakes up early too. He's still breastfeeding (like a newborn!!!) trying to wean him off but nothing has worked the past 6 months. I got 4 hours sleep last night and I'm in work Sad

MissB83 · 06/06/2019 09:22

2toddlers I feel your pain as my 15mo is like your 2 year old, BFs like a newborn and needs massive feeds every time he wakes up (multiple times) in the night. It's so hard when you're working... I feel like a zombie every day and can't focus

sar302 · 06/06/2019 18:27

Well, tonight I've gone with putting him down an hour earlier, in the ridiculous hope that he'll sleep for longer. Combatting overtiredness - That's a thing right?

Either that or he'll be up at 3.30am instead of 4.30 🤔

ListenLinda · 07/06/2019 03:58

Last night was a fresh level of hell.
DS (6 week old) woke at 3am, didnt settle until 5.15. In this time, 2 yo DD woke and took until 4.30 to go back to sleep, but then decided 5.30am was an acceptable time to start the day. Meaning 3 hours broken sleep again.

Been at hosp all afternoon with DS who has Bronchiolitis, sat up feeding him and can see DD stirring on the video monitor Sad can see a pattern forming here ...

I will just add, it’s now the newborn I am whittering about, I know he is supposed to wake frequently 😂 just wish DD would sleep through, not need shushing back to sleep etc. As it would probably mean I could resettle DS a lot quicker after his 3am feed

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