Am I a fishwife?

[sosig]

I can’t decide who’s wrong. Can you help me by calling it please?

Dh runs a very new but successful gas business. The success is based purely on hard work and a good reputation. Long term aim was to also get into property, flipping or renting. 12 months ago he finds a deal, a semi that needs refurbish with a pot with outline permission. He thinks he can do the house refurb and then selling to break even to leave him with the building plot which he’d own outright. He needed a 12 month bridge as he didn’t have necessary funds and his parents put up their home as guarantee. I begged my dh not to go ahead as I thought the risk was too great. I wanted him to have money behind him before he did property.

So 12 months on massive over spend on house but the house has been done to a fantastic standard and sells for 15% more than expected. The plot hasn’t gone well as it’s small and architect did a poor job. Outline permission has expired on the plot. Dh has to fund over spend rinsed the business of all the cash and basically we’re broke. Luckily I inherited a large some of money. However I’m really pissed off he’s had to have 30k from my inheritance just to keep business afloat. He promised me he wouldn’t need any money from the business to fund the property.

So he owes me 30k and another creditor 12k. The house has paid back the bridge. So my problem is basically I feel I’ve ended up paying for him playing at property. His attitude is that it’s been a success and we’re married so the inheritance is our money and he’d support me if the roles were reversed so I should support him. He’s now found another good deal that he wants to do and on paper is does look very good - however again I’ve begged him to get straight financially before he does anymore deals. He says the only way to get straight is to do another deal. He’s very open about not feeling guilty about the first project and puts it down to a learning experience. I should also add that he has had businesses before which failed and the fall out there was in excess of 30k which family had to pay.

Aibu? I’m starting to think dh is devoid of a conscience or guilt.

In that case, OP, your husband is a selfish prick, making that dog about you being a lady of luxury. Your mental health might improve if you didn’t have him manipulating you to part with your money.

Dig, not dog

OP as someone who’s developed properly since my 20s you’ve made massive unforced schoolboy errors. I never made even one error like yours - major overspend + poor architect + lapsed planning permission + worthless plot - even when I was a novice.

Bottom line is your balls are bigger than your brains.

You’re addicted to risk and your judgment is poor.

Stick to building up your plumbing business. If you must develop property do one small property at a time until you’re more experienced. Every refurb you budget everything down to the taps and door knobs, and have a minimum 20% overspend slush fund for unforeseen issues.

A fishwife is someone who shouts in the street isn't it. I have nothing to add but couldn't see the connection with your problem.

Op, look after yourself, and your money as it's clear your husband has no intention of either.

The last sentence of your OP seems to be correct.

OP I think you need to change your username and passwords on this mn account and clear your browsing history so that you can get support and advice here without him trying to take over or bully you.

fishwife
/ˈfɪʃwʌɪf/
Learn to pronounce
noun
1.
a coarse-mannered woman who is prone to shouting.
"the screech of a fishwife"
2.
ARCHAIC
a woman who sells fish.

OP’s DH - Did you call her a “fishwife?” What was that about?

I don’t know, maybe this project will pay off, maybe not. None of us are clairvoyant. But it sounds like the OP is understandably she’ll-shocked following the last venture. Almost Lodi g your home is not joke. Some people simply can’t cope with this kind of stress. I understand you see an opportunity to make the money back though. I’m not sure her mental health will take it.

He's come on here purely to humour you. His tone is patronising and smacks that he doesn't take any of this seriously. He certainly doesn't take your MH seriously or the fact that he's pissing good money after bad purely to feed his overinflated ego that he's a big impressive property tycoon.

H, (I won't call you DH), you're not. I come from a long line of property investors and frankly you're acting like a teenager.

Stop salivating at the thought of wasting yet more of your wife's inheritance. It's not yours.

Can you do the project as a joint venture with someone? You share the profits but can reduce your risk and bring experience on board.

Pay your wife back the money. And this is beyond weird going on mn like this

OP
Your DH is completely missing the point that if it were not for YOUR inheritance you'd be on the streets.
Arrogant knob he is, how many businesses have you lost? Allowing your parents to put their house up; ultimate in selfishness.

Yeah, describing OP being off unwell as “luxury” is shitty.

OP’s H, have you even paid back your parents and other creditors?

What you're saying about an outline vs a full planning consent isn't making any sense to this town planner. If the plot has o/l consent the principle of development has been accepted and there are only 'reserved matters' to be agreed which is straightforward.

Why on earth did the permission lapse. Rooky error!!

TatianaLarina sounds like she knows what she's on about - unlike the OP's husband.

^^ OP’s DH I meant not OP

OP I think your mental health might improve significantly if you separated from your H. You sound like you need some peace and solitude.

Am I understanding this right? You bought a house to do up, sold it and still owe £42k on the deal and are left with a pretty useless bit of land with lapsed outline pp.

OPs H Sell the horses, pay back ALL your creditors including your wife. Then start saving until you can gamble with your own money. Oh! you don't want to give up your life style? stop.gambling.then. You only have the horses and your home because your wife bailed you out.

Your wife is not a lady of luxury. She's cared for her dying father lost her father and on top of that nearly lost her home.
YOU ARE MAKING HER ILL. do you even care?

Exactly - so tell me why the council have changed their mind now? The principle of the development was agreed and they have gone back on it. I have not applied for anything different to the outline permission. I bought the plot with outline and put in my reserved matter application well within time of expiry, so not sure where the rookie mistake is? The council have now decided the house next door is too close - which hasnt moved since the outline PP

As I keep saying im not sure why this matters anyway as I have pulled out of the deal because I was asked to by my wife. I have an agreement in place to pay her back and im cracking on with gas business?

Can you give an idea of the value of property..100k or 1m?

To the husband, your wife feels let down and it caused her great anxiety. I just think you need to hear that so she can rebuild trust in you.
You might not be suited to developing. It is very difficult to make money in this marketplace and there are many experienced developers who might have walked from the deal as they would have seen the challenges. The really good plots go to developers who are known..not fair just the way it is.

OP, you need security to allow you to become and remain well. Health is more important than anything money can buy.

IMO everyone who can possibly afford it should have at least a six-month buffer in the bank. It reduces stress sooo much, knowing you could pay the bills for that long if something terrible happened. It buys you thinking time, recovery time, planning the next move time.

I think you should stick the £30k in a fixed-term high interest account. Maybe a flexible access one - the sort that you can access 1-3 times within the fixed term, if you need to.

Your DH is very muddled about money and doesn't seem to understand the difference between capital and revenue. Revenue is what you use to fund your outgoings, including building up new ventures. Capital is what you invest - safely.

Think of it this way, how long would it take you to save £30k? A long time. If you want to spend the £30k, the only sensible way to do it is on things you can keep (and won't be taxed on) e.g. your own home. Even then e.g. if your were extending, you need to do the sums and work out whether you would really increase the value of the house that much, you could well not.

If you were to visit an IFA to discuss investing your £30k, what are the chances they'd advise putting the entire sum into an unproven, small, local business with a very poor track record? None, zero, nada, zilch.

Funds for business investment need to be generated from the main business's success. Saved, grown, matched by reputable loans if needed and successfully obtained.

By all means cut back on the expensive hobbies and outgoings, save the money to plough into the business and grow it that way.

Your DH sounds like someone who thinks he can have it all and have it now, just because he fancies himself a businessman and aspires to a lavish lifestyle. No mate. That's called living on credit (that you've no reasonable expecttaion of paying back). You sound like someone heading for bankruptcy.

I thought a fishwife was someone who shouted/screamed/argued loudly in public

I think you sound hugely unsupportive. Yes it went wrong, yes you shouldn’t have had to use £30k of your inheritance but aren’t you a partnership?