To ask you for the perfect age gap?

[TeethingAstronaut]

DP and I currently have a 5 month old. We both would like more children one day soon (within the next five years) but are struggling to decide when we should start trying for another baby. I also have a history of twin pregnancies in the family (I have twin siblings).

I think we should start trying again soon as growing up with close age gaps was fun for me and I'd like DS to have that and get nappies and breastfeeding out of the way more quickly. DP had bigger age gaps in his family and often felt lonely.

DP thinks we should wait a while and get through the sleepless nights and weaning and start trying when DS is around 15 months, possibly having a second if we conceive quickly by the time DS is 2. DS currently is still awake every couple of hours and naps are a bit of a nightmare though we're both aware this may change a lot. DS was also conceived in the first month of trying.

So we thought we'd put it out there for others to give us advice. What do you think is the best age gap for a great bond that still allows for sleep and sanity? What have your experiences been like with small or slightly bigger age gaps?

Thank you for getting to the end

Sounds like it's time for you and DH to write a pros and cons list!

I love these :)

@NottonightJosepheen thats so nice, I love that. My first Daughter was 8 when my now 15 month old second daughter was born. She is obsessed with the toddler! She calls her 'Little mumma' and shows her how to care for her dolls as well as how to 'play' generally.

The little one follows her around everywhere (though can imagine when she hits her teens she will start to shoo her away alot more). They obviously have separate rooms but we are going for a third soon so I will experience the other side of the coin. Guess that'll make about a 2 and a half year gap all going to plan.

I'm 32 so I really think I need to get having the third over with so I can finally get my non existent career happening in by my late thirties.

I think age is a factor, and recovery time from the last birth. I agree about a few years to let the body recover and getting one into nursery/out of nappies before a newborn.

3 year age gap with my sis was good. Completely different stages so never felt in competition but when I hit 19 we became inseparable.

Big gaps are like getting done for a double assault and asking for your 2x5 year sentences to run consecutively rather than concurrently .

I really like kids once they get over three, so my approach was "get the shit bit over with asap".

Joking aside, my 20 mth gap works pretty well. Older boy, younger girl, so maturity gap is smaller than age gap, they're in consecutive school years (so minimal time of 2 different schools) and get on well with each others' friends/ similar physical abilities etc.

Agree that everyone's different though. There's no ideal.

I also think you need to factor in your personality. If you can stand or embrace chaos and mess, a smaller gap may be ok. If you like order etc. then a small gap makes life harder.

The perfect age gap for one person will not work for someone else, and so on. Whatever gap you choose will just become your own family dynamic and you won’t be able to imagine life any other way.

Personally we had 21 months between DS and DD because that’s the gap between me & DB and we’re very close. It meant pregnancy, breastfeeding, all the baby stuff was done at one time, and in the next few years I’ll be able to go back to work. In the meantime, I’m enjoying having two little ones at home who play together and love each other. Life is busy but lovely. I wouldn’t have wanted a gap bigger than 2.5/3 years, personally.

Thanks @NottonightJosepheen, I plan on my 40's being baby and toddler free for this reason and having all the children in school by 40. I think having so many years just 'us' my elder daughter is just thrilled with having a the toddler now, the dynamics of them both being girls too has created such a bond.

Though i'm careful not to use her too much as home help! running upstairs to grab nappies and helping baths ect though has been pretty fantastic!