Aibu to think 10am is a long enough lie-in when you have young DC’s?

[SickOfTheHeatAlready]

DH and I take it in turns of a weekend with regards to who gets up with the DC’s (we have an almost 2 and a half year old, and a one year old) meaning that each of us will get one ‘lay in’ per week. Monday-Friday DH is up and out the door by 6:30am, returns home around 5:30pm.. on a ‘good’ day, the DC’s will wake up at 7am latest, but lately it’s been anywhere from 4:30am so understandably, both DH and I are shattered by the weekend and very much look forward to some extra sleep.

But here’s my niggle, when it’s my turn to sleep in, I’m normally up no later than 9:30am.. 10am at an absolute push if I’m feeling especially wiped out. If I sleep in much longer than that, I feel like I’ve lost half my day, plus, to me, 9:30 is give or take anywhere between 3 & 4 hrs later than I’d usually wake up so it’s a welcome break! Not to mention DC2 goes down for a nap around 11am, and usually doesn’t get back up until around 1/2, so if I stayed in bed much later than the time that I do, I’d only see him for about 4-5hrs before he was due to go back to bed for the night!

My DH however, can easily, and will easily stay in bed until a tornado hits the house. He seems to be able to sleep through any and all noise that the DC’s make in the morning (I do try my best to keep them as quiet as I can for as long as I can, though) and more often than not, I’m still sat there at 11-11:30am waiting for him to get up. I always end up having to go in and prod him and tell him to wake up, then he surfaces about 15 minutes after that (if he doesn’t just fall straight back to sleep, that is). But honestly, if I didn’t go in and stir him, we’d probably not see him til well past midday and I can’t work out if I’m BU to think that 10am is a plenty long enough lay in when you have small DC’s.

I’m half ‘should I let him sleep for as long as he wants?’ and half ‘fuck no, I don’t stay in bed until lunch time!’

Well, it's nearly half 11.. I've been up with the DC's for almost 6 hours now and hes still snoring away, no signs of getting up any time soon.

Think I'll take myself off for a walk for an hour or so when he eventually decides to drag his arse out of bed.

with lunchtime nappers 10-11.30 is prime activity time so whoever has the lie in has to be ready by then. more recently with an early riser dd2 we go for 2-2.5 hours after she wakes up, 9 latest

once in a blue moon the other will go out for the morning and let the other sleep as long as they like (til after naptime around 2.30 if they want)

I hate posts like this, there's so many of them - people complaining about other people who like to sleep later than they do! You don't get to dictate how long someone else should get for a lie in! If you have a problem just take a longer lie-in yourself. If you don't want to then that's your decision.

I personally lie in until 9 or 10 but that's my personal preference. DH can sleep until 12 if he has the chance, he just personally likes to sleep late! Some people do. It's not right or wrong, especially if it's not every day. He works hard and deserves it. He'd le me sleep that late if I wanted to as well. It's hardly a relaxing lie-in / treat if you still have to set an alarm for it!

It really bugs me when people talk about "wasting" or "losing" half the day. If you force yourself to get up at 8 but are still tired, then in effect you could waste the whole day as you might be grumpy or too tired to do anything.

Nobody should dictate how much sleep anyone else needs. However, if OP and her husband have made an agreement, he should be keeping to it or they should renegotiate.

When ours were little, we divided the weekend into 6 sections, morning, afternoon and evening, and we each got a section to do what we liked in. I hate lying in bed, so I usually chose an afternoon or evening. DP adores his bed, so almost always had a lie in. No resentment in my part or guilt on his, because we both knew he would take over after lunch.

Dh sleeps in both days but is woken at 9.30.

A sleep-in doesn't go on all day though!

A lie in to you is 10am. I lie in to him is later.
If you make him get up at 10am you are knocking say a few hours off his lie in.
Therefore it would not be unreasonable for him to expect you up a 7am on your lie in.
Different people have different sleep needs. He maybe needs the weekend catch up.

Well, it's nearly half 11.. I've been up with the DC's for almost 6 hours now
If your DC have been up since 5.30am, it's not your DH's fault. You both need to sleep train them properly.

He was the one who said ages ago that he wanted to be up by 10am, I didn't come up with that time on my own. He said if he sleeps for longer than that, he's groggy for the rest of the day and is also more likely to sleep for hours on end and be more grouchy when he does eventually wake up.
I spent months trying to wake him up at 10.. as he requested, only for him to get annoyed at me, so I eventually stopped trying.

I'd LOVE to repay my sleep debt too! I'm currently pregnant so am literally exhausted every single second of the day, but still, I wouldn't and don't, stay in bed until 12pm at weekends when weekends to me, should be all about family time.
Frankly I think the option to sleep in until the afternoon goes out the window once you have kids.

Our children are sleep trained, thank you very much! It's the longer, lighter days that are throwing them off. They've got black out curtains but they tend to be up the moment the sun comes up, the youngest DC is a natural early riser and always has been, there's literally nothing we can do about that.

I think he is being unreasonable, because with children and pregnant, it hampers the potential for family outings.

Is he still in bed now?! That's a piss take

No he got up at about 11:45 in the end!

Just let the man sleep ffs.

You're pregnant? Well then he better be up by 9 or not get a lie in at all. You're very gracious.

You’re pregnant? So you know you’ve had this issue all your married life with children and have decided to have another child? . The number of times this comes up on Mumsnet .... ‘I am not happy because my DH does X ..... oh, and I am pregnant with our second/third/fourth. Do people never learn?

I'm with you. By 10:00 it's time for the kiddos to visit daddy in bed for cuddling and mayhem!

I let dp sleep until 11.30 he works hard is great with child care and housework. He doesn't go out much less than me anyway but he does love to sleep so I'm happy to let him sleep. If we are going somewhere it's different and he gets up when needed.

I cant sleep as late so when it's my turn I'm usually up earlier but that's my choice.

I completely agree with you that it’s not fair for you to pick up the slack and do all the parenting while he sleeps. Having kids is a joint responsibility.

But - what’s with all the hate towards lie-ins? As other PP have said, why is it a waste if you enjoy it? I don’t have kids, and I’ll often sleep til gone 1pm at weekends (I work a normal 9-6 mon-fri week and find it a monumental struggle to wake up at 7.30, I’m not and never have been a morning person). Some weekends I don’t really move from bed unless I’m using the toilet or getting food, I’m a very sleepy person and I do enjoy it, it’s cosy and comfy and I don’t have to think about anything else. I couldn’t stand dating someone who needs to be up and out of the house by 9am, that’s literally my idea of hell! I’d feel physically ill from the tiredness. Surely childfree adults can choose how to spend their free time and if it’s by sleeping I don’t see why that’s an issue. I don’t scornfully tell early risers they’re not getting enough sleep!

OP I agree with you totally.. I'd be really pissed off with this too

Ours are told to play in their rooms quietly until 9am and then everyone gets up. We both work full time so on days off not getting up at 6.
Works for our family anyway.

No way I’d be putting up
With that! It’s so lazy!

As other have said, I would question the sleep hygiene or mental health or some one who regularly slept till gone 9 or 10 at the weekend. Staying in bed till one smacks of either staying up into the small hours or depression to me.

This seems like it has a practical solution: remind him about the 10am agreement; tell him he needs to set an alarm so he doesn't resent you waking him; remind him to set his alarm when you go to bed the night before; take in coffee/tea 10 mins after he should be awake (or send in your DC). Repeat.