Thinking my friend should come home?

[Breastfeedingworries]

Basically long story short close family friend met partner on a camping holiday, he’s from the U.K. but lives in New Zealand, anyway she’s moved there living everyone and is smitten kitten. It’s been less than a 1 year she’s lived there as moved in sept and they now have an owned house ect and jobs and she’s trying to get Visa.

Anyhoo they’ve got two dogs and she’s just found out she’s pregnant with twins.

Am I being unreasonable thinking she’ll be mega stuck first time Mum no friends or family and partner works away in the week?

She’s saying people will visit but it’s not a short plane ride is it? It’s basically a once a year for family type distance, friends maybe every few years if they could afford it.

She loves it there for the weather and lifestyle but being new Mum myself you don’t get out, it’s going to be madness with 2 and 2 dogs alone.

Wish she’d move home with her partner and they’d all live in the uk, his family are all here too. I think their dream could become a nightmare am I being unreasonable?

Not your onions, keep your neb out. My only concern would be the lack of visa. Dunno how strict NZ is, but Oz is fierce on visas and kicking people out.

I really don't get your post OP. Do you think that New Zealand doesn't have facilities for new mums. I am sure she will find friends and maybe ones that are actually supportive unlike you. TBH you sound bitter that she has found happiness

You are way too invested without any real knowledge, they have babies over there too, she won't be the only mother in NZ.

If it were me, I’d have an abortion and stay. But it’s not. It’s not you either. Your friend should do what she thinks best.

Without a visa, having children there does seem to leave her in a vulnerable position and I would advise her to seek legal advice so she really understands the score. It could, indeed, all go horribly wrong. But so could coming back to the U.K.. It’s your friend’s decision and you should support her rather than try and influence her in one particular direction.

I don’t get why you’re so concerned. It seems odd to so invested in someone else’s business. She’s decided to live there so it makes sense to have her kids there. If it doesn’t work out she can come back at a later stage.

YABU
I had twins, no family support locally. Since having dc I have met more people, found out more about my local area - parks, play groups, schools and now know more people than I ever did pre-dc. She's settled and made a life there, good luck to her - twins rock!!

I got out and about plenty as a new mum? She will meet loads of people. I’ve made more friends in 2 years than I have in the previous 20. Also New Zealand is amazing. So yes. Yabvvvvu

Why would she not get out just because she's going to be a new mum? I was out every day with mine, and we didn't live anywhere near family ... not the crisis you're making it out to be.

MYOB.

being new Mum myself you don’t get out
What does this even mean? Have you not left the house since having kids? I've met so many more people since having children and I'm sure your friend will too!

YABU. Maybe she finds the UK a shithole. Maybe she doesn't want to see any of you frequently.

Eh?
She'll meet loads of people through having the babies - going to antenatal classes and then to mother and baby groups etc.
She's also got the dogs and that's also a way to meet people when out and about.
She's also been there a year already so presumably already has friends.

So yes, YABU, it's none of your business. If it doesn't work out for them then they will make a decision as to what they want to do.

I think you'll find NZ women have babies, some even have twins! And dogs! I'm sure she'll be fine.

Surely the opposite is true...babies and dogs are the way lots of people make friends!

Is it actually you that's living in New Zealand and pregnant with twins OP? If not, it's none of your business, but yes she will probably find it difficult.

She can make friends at pregnancy yoga, baby swimming, baby groups, dog walking groups, through neighbours, through her partners friends and/or through any other interest she might have. Why do you think she would be lonely?

YABU. I moved a couple of hundred miles away when my first baby was a week old. It never occurred to me to be worried about not having a "support network". I soon found new friends. And you can still communicate with your old friends and family.

YABU. I'm sorry to say that you sound very jealous.

My DH and I moved to Australia just before we started our family - so we are even more out on a limb than she is because at least she has his family and friends! DH and I came here not knowing a single soul.

People make friends. People over here are really friendly, it's hard not to make friends just going about your daily business. And as others have said you meet lots of people when you start having children.

Try to stop judging your friend and just be happy for her. Sounds like she's having a blast to be honest.

Sorry, just read that his family are here too. So they're in the same situation that DH and I were when we moved.

We're really happy over here and have never considered moving back. And I have to admit it is much nicer hearing about Brexit news from afar than having to actually live it...

Thanks all haven’t read all the replies yet will skim through.

He’s from the uk they both are, so no family over there but he does have friends yes as he’s lived there 7 years. Maybe I’ve looked at it all the wrong way 🤔

She’s so excited about prams ect and I’ve recently had a baby and it was such a shock to the system. I lean on friends and family so I can have a break. Guess I was thinking in a way I didn’t want her to be stuck. Her partner works away all week, so she really will spend a long time with the babies and dogs.

I just thought location is one thing friends and family are another.

Glad to read lots of people made it work though. I just want her to be happy either way.

There is a very big English community in NZ, I would be surprised if she doesn't make friends from those who are already in NZ.

but being new Mum myself you don’t get out

What? I didn't realise that becoming a mum meant that you were supposed to become a hermit.

If anything, having a baby/babies will open up her social contacts. With twins, she'll also be able to access the multiples clubs, which is yet another avenue of support and friendships. Some of my oldest and dearest friends are the ones I met at baby clinic when DC1 was a few weeks old.

NZ offers a fantastic lifestyle for (young) families, especially if she's an outdoorsy person.

What do you mean "you don't get out"? Did I do it wrong?

Massively unreasonable OP. She sounds happy to me, don't project your own issues on to her. Be an actual friend and support her and be happy that she is happy.

Your thread doesn’t make sense at times. Did you type it quickly?

YABU. I live abroad with 5 children and now 8 dogs, never any help from my family. It is possible to do it alone (or pay for help if necessary). The PP who said not everyone is surgically attached to their family is spot on.

YABU, I live abroad with DH away from UK family and friends, 1 dog and expecting first child. I'm not gonna run off back to the UK and leave the life I chose here because one of my friends wants me to. Stop over investing in other people's lives and be more supportive. If you're worried about her then facetime her a bit more, send her some home comforts and be supportive. Right now you're being the bitchy friend noone wants.