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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend let me down

56 replies

astrasky · 01/06/2019 04:32

My friend invited me around to hers for dinner tonight as I was at a work conference close to her town. She told me she would make us dinner and watch films etc. We don't have children and she doesn't have a partner, we are early 20s. I was exhausted getting there with 2 trains cancelled and a 30 minute walk from the station. But we do this quite often so I thought it would be nice to chill out with her catch up etc. Around 6 I text her saying I was on my way, she said great teas ready at 7. When I get to the house she says "hope you don't mind my two friends are coming as well", nope not at all. She's acting really off and it turns out she's drunk. Not a prbblem to me, she's a grown up and she's finished work for the weekend. Dinner was fine. Afterwards she brings 3 bottles of wine in and beer, everyone starts drinking. I have a beer but don't really drink. Then she is showing her two friends how far she has "progressed" on the guitar by plugging into an amp. She laughs that she had recieved a noise compliant yesterday from her neighbours (who have a newborn).she then decides we are all going the pub. I begrudgingly go, but I am still in my work clothes from 7am and I haven't showered etc. I say after 1 hour at 12 midnight that In really tired and need to go to sleep. She asks if I'm okay walking home in my own (in an area I am both unfamiliar with, and about a 45 minute walk). Eventually she says we will all go back. They're screaming and laughing and playing music so the walls are vibrating. I ask her to stop, and she says "fuck you" in front of her friends who all laugh. I go upstairs to try and sleep, but at 4am I just gave up and walked out the house to wait for the first train back to my town. I'm sitting at the train stop now with a 45 minute wait... And a three hour train home She just text me like let me know when you get home.

Aibu to be so annoyed that she didn't tell me what night it would be and that it would deviate so much from what we usually do. She knows I have been struggling with depression at the minute and self harm quite badly, and aibu to have walked out? It was like trying to sleep at a teenage house party..

I would never do this to my friends

OP posts:
rightsideofherstory · 01/06/2019 04:36

No, not at all. Are these new friends she was trying to impress? Sorry you had an awful evening

Birdie6 · 01/06/2019 05:02

She obviously behaves differently, depending on who she is with. Which is a very immature way to be. You didn't do anything wrong - walking out was the only sensible option. Go home and take care of yourself - sending hugs .

billybagpuss · 01/06/2019 05:05

Sorry your evening was rubbish, I think you were just in very different places for the night, you were knackered needed to chill, she was in party mode and got irritated at having to abandon the pub early for you and so the evening deteriorated further. I’m sure the way she spoke to you was drink fuelled.

You are both still young and yes she was rude it wasn’t what she’d invited you for but you are both still of an age where spontaneous parties still happen and you just weren’t up for it that night.

I hope you got home safe and you are right to feel aggrieved but if it’s a one off and no back story then I’d forgive and say no more about it, don’t let one night that went awry ruin a friendship.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 01/06/2019 06:35

Has she got form for this or is it uncharacteristic? That said I would be annoyed with the 'fuck you' comment either way. Making you feel like shit to impress others is not the mark of a good friend and no I don't belive in these circumstances that being drunk is an excuse

Devon1987 · 01/06/2019 07:14

She sounds like a selfish bitch. She knew you had to be up in the morning. She knows your struggling at the moment. But decided to get rat arsed and keep you up. I would expect an apology. And i feel sorry for her poor neighbours.

SnuggyBuggy · 01/06/2019 07:32

I'd question the future of this friendship. Sometimes people just grow apart

AllOverIt · 01/06/2019 07:49

YANBU. She said films and dinner and clearly had other ideas.

Hope you got home safely.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/06/2019 09:16

She sounds like a tit. Thank your lucky stars you’re not living next door.

UserName31456789 · 01/06/2019 09:21

YANBU you were invited round for dinner and films. Sounds like she was trying to impress her friends. I'd be really annoyed.

Stressedout10 · 01/06/2019 09:27

That sounds pretty crappy op.
Hope you got home ok and get some well earned sleep.
Flowers

BlueMerchant · 01/06/2019 09:31

Go home, ignore any messages from this 'friend' and chill out/sleep. Have a day looking after you.
Bath/bed/films/food.
If you fancy a chat call a real friend.

4legsandawaggytail · 01/06/2019 09:32

YANBU. This is NOT a friend. OMG! This type of relationship is toxic. Sometimes you have to burn a bridge, it doesn't matter how long it been standing. You deserve better. ☆

Watersnail · 01/06/2019 09:34

Doesn't sound like a friend to me.

user1493413286 · 01/06/2019 09:36

I’d go home and text her tomorrow when she’s over her hangover and tell her that what she did wasn’t fair.
If she wanted a night out she should have agreed it with you first and given you the option to change your mind about going although truly a real friend would then just do a night out another night. Do you think there might have been a reason she just wanted to get drunk?

Original poster
astrasky · 01/06/2019 13:05

Thanks for replies. I was waiting at the station for 4 hours due to the first train being cancelled Sad I got back to my house at 815am...

Im more annoyed about it now. She does has form for this type of behaviour especially when drunk. The fact she has known these people for such a short amount of time says to me that she doesn't value our friendship at all.

She hasn't bothered texting me today even though she has been online. Its likely she'll send me a message letter detailing how irrational I was (she often says my mental health problems cause a lot of problems).

I was expecting my dp to say I overreacted but he was horrified she had let me leave in the middle of the night and wait in a train station alone for hours rather than turn music off, and that he'd expect it from uni students but not people with professional jobs in their 20s.

She said she didn't plan it, but it's her house. She could have said "my friend is coming over so I won't be drinking, and could you please keep the noise down as we're watching a few films" but she didn't.

I don't have many friends and it upsets me that I will lose her too

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 01/06/2019 13:39

You deserve to be treated better than that OP

drinkygin · 01/06/2019 14:18

Ahh op. Flowers I’m sorry she treated you this way. I agree with Billybagpus to an extent...you sound like you’re in very different places at the moment and are both young. Maybe the expectations of the evening should have been clarified beforehand. She shouldn’t have spoken to you that way when she was drunk though. I don’t know if I’d write the friendship off over this. Speak to her when she’s sober.

billy1966 · 01/06/2019 14:28

She's not a friend.
Cut your loses, block her and move on.

She actually sounds nasty.

ifyouneedmenow · 01/06/2019 14:33

Your friend is a bitch but sounded like she wanted to let her hair down .
Yanbu but if it was me when she suggested going to the pub I would of rang a taxi to the station , I wouldn't walk late at night especially somewhere I'm not familiar with .

missminagrindlay · 01/06/2019 14:34

Her poor neighbours! What a total bitch. I'd cut her loose. She's a lousy and inconsiderate drunk.

Frownette · 01/06/2019 14:34

You must be shattered. I remember from the past waiting around at railway stations til the nearest place opened to get a hot drink. Clock ticks clock ticks.

She's not much of a friend, she acted horribly. It was supposed to be a quiet night.

NauseousMum · 01/06/2019 14:38

She doesn't sound like a friend and i feel sorry for her neighbours. Ignore and block or tell her how shit she was and then ignore.

supersop60 · 01/06/2019 14:43

YANBU. You deserve better friends. If any of my friends had ever said Fuck You, that would be the end. Move on and don't bother with her anymore.

diddl · 01/06/2019 14:50

Is she now an ex friend?

Drum2018 · 01/06/2019 14:51

She just text me like let me know when you get home
Nah, I wouldn't bother texting her at all, again, ever.

I don't have many friends and it upsets me that I will lose her too
She's no real loss though. She belittles your MH issues, treats you badly, and seems to have fuck all respect for others in general (playing loud music during the night with newborn next door). She's not a friend worth having, even if you had no other friends. Time to look elsewhere for friends who have similar interests to you - check out your own area for groups, be it running, dancing, yoga, whatever might suit you. Don't settle for someone like her.

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