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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be amazed by how entitled some people can be!

75 replies

TheJoxter · 31/05/2019 22:17

I’m on a few Facebook parenting pages, today on one a mother was complaining that her MIL, who currently pays for all her son’s nappies, has said she won’t pay for any more if they have a second child. Cue loads of comments about how horrible and controlling the MIL is for not doing this for them.

Maybe I’m missing something but I certainly wouldn’t expect my MIL to pay for any nappies for any of my children, let alone all my nappies for multiple children!

OP posts:
mightskys · 31/05/2019 22:32

The MIL should really treat their grandchildren the same. If one gets £100 when they are born the next one should too. But nappies is taking it a bit too far and the poster just sounds grabby!

It probably started off as being a nice gesture but has become a bit of a chore which she's regretting.

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 31/05/2019 22:39

My mil buys nappies and also formula for us she's done it with every child we've had and we are now on baby 3 she's 2 weeks and she is doing it again, it's not something we've ever relied on and we've said she doesn't need to And we also top up of we are running low we don't just run to her and ask her to get more. It's defo rude to expect it constantly and be annoyed if they decide it's not something they want to continue or can afford to continue !

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2019 22:46

People get their nappies bought for them? I feel left out!

Original poster
TheJoxter · 31/05/2019 22:47

The poor MIL is being accused of being controlling, narcissistic, and a dictator, by total strangers on the internet! For not wanting to start spending twice as much on nappies for children that aren’t hers!

OP posts:
DonkeyHohtay · 31/05/2019 23:03

It's like a parallel universe.

All these people living in each other's pockets, seeing parents and parents in law every day and having basics like nappies bought for them.

UserName31456789 · 31/05/2019 23:05

The nappies aren't a gift for the child they're a gift for the parent who should be providing the nappies themselves, so there's no need to keep buying nappies if you bought them for the first DC.

YANBU sounds ridiculous. I think it's something about Facebook groups. I'm on a local free-cycling group. Most people are great but there'll be the person who turns up asking for top of the range bikes/buggies/exercise equipment then gets really snotty when someone offers them something perfectly useable but not the top brand they asked for. Oh and you must be able to deliver to a village in the middle of nowhere.

BuffaloCauliflower · 31/05/2019 23:05

Ha ha, I’m in that group, saw that post and did think ‘what the fuck?’ Buy your own damn nappies! But also go cloth 👍🏻

MsTSwift · 31/05/2019 23:07

My friends and I found a phone on a park bench. Waited for owner then rang last number owner answered. Barked at us to bring her her phone - she was other side of town. We refused but said we would hand in to nearest information centre which I thought pretty nice of us. She tutted!. Not a word of thanks! The chap at the information centre said how grateful the lady must be ha you would have thought! Entitled

RiftGibbon · 31/05/2019 23:08

I'd have to comment to that effect though. I'd find it far too infuriating to let people continue to be entitled CF's without mentioning it to them.

Hadenoughofitall441 · 31/05/2019 23:12

I would have never exp3cted my mum to buy anything like that... she buys the odd clothes hear or there and both mine get treated the same. Sounds like the parents need a kick up the ass and need to take resposibility for thier own children.

helpIhateclothesshopping · 31/05/2019 23:17

Buffalocauliflower Yes exactly, go cloth! Then you have the nappies bought for however many children you have.
My MIL certainly didn't buy anything, nor did I expect her to, my own Mum washed a few of ours when she babysat and had a go at making a few cloth nappies.

LifeImplosionImminent · 31/05/2019 23:18

Barked at us to bring her her phone - she was other side of town.

I would have left the phone on with her still barking down it, put it back on the park bench and walked away...

glueandstick · 31/05/2019 23:20

Nappies?! Jeez. My parents once picked some up on the way to see us to save a supermarket trip but I paid them back 😂😂 is very entitled.

Stefoscope · 31/05/2019 23:27

YANBU. Although if I were the MIL I would be tempted to withdraw the offer to buy nappies for the first child and just buy a few sets of terry nappies and tell them to crack on.

Original poster
TheJoxter · 31/05/2019 23:35

BuffaloCauliflower haha good to know I’m not the only one in the group who was shocked by it, so many comments from people being nasty about the MIL! I used cloth full time with my second but disposables with my first and would never expect anyone else to pay for them

RiftGibbon I did comment but I was the only one who called them out on it! (Completely outing myself to anyone else who’s in that group) they haven’t replied to me...

OP posts:
tympanic · 31/05/2019 23:35

Extremely entitled. Unfortunately MILs get a bad rap because there are so many shockers out there. Mine falls into the shocker category because SHE is so entitled. I can’t think of a single time she’s ever paid for anything, not even a cup of coffee. The thought of someone buying my kid’s nappies for me is... abstract. The thought of cracking the shits because they decided to stop is even more abstract.

@MsTSwift I had a similar situation when I found a wallet. Looked inside only to find the address of the owner. Drove it out to the middle of nowhere to return, knocked on the door, it opened a crack, both a dog and a woman snarled at me from inside “What the fuck do you want.” Asked if so and so lived there. “He’s not fucking home.” Explained I had the wallet. She snatched it off me and screamed “Ye had better not have stolen his money, bitch.” Door slammed.

jessicawessica · 31/05/2019 23:40

I would feel embarrassed if my parents had bought essentials like that for my DC.

lyralalala · 31/05/2019 23:53

Some people just can't see past their own noses.

I've seen one (extended family) recently who has been having rants about her MIL because she's pregnant and her MIL won't commit to watching her baby 5 days a week like the MIL did for her first grandchild (other son's baby).

In amongst all the sympathising about how unfair that is, how the other son is clearly the golden child etc she didn't bother to tell anyone that the first granchild is nearly 20, so her MIL is considerably older now, and also the MIL did the 5 days as a short term thing when her son was widowed very unexpectedly in his early 20s (the baby was a toddler) to enable him not to have to give up his job while he was still getting his life back together a bit so not exactly the same circumstances.

KellyW88 · 01/06/2019 01:00

I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit my MIL buys nappies for us. She buys them in bulk on Amazon or EBay once a month with good discounts and brings them round. We thank her profusely every time and we know it’s her way of helping us out as we’re struggling with income at the moment. We’ve said so many times she doesn’t need to as we budget carefully each month and nappies are always included in that. Her reply is it’s what she wants to do. We would never EXPECT it and I think it’s awful that the MIL in that post has been abused for her good deeds :(

fargo123 · 01/06/2019 05:00

I would feel embarrassed if my parents had bought essentials like that for my DC.

Same here!

WhyisntMusicManacareeroption · 01/06/2019 08:14

My in-laws insist on buying nappies for us, one of their parents did it for them. But we're always grateful and I try to get them to buy the cheap brands!

Herja · 01/06/2019 08:18

I got bought nappies by my grandma for my first. I was 21 and stony broke. I was very, very grateful though, rather than demanding.

Fuckedoffat48b · 01/06/2019 09:24

Tbf it is a bit weird though. To buy nappies for a baby and then use that as a way to comment on how many babies somebody should have is odd.

Jumpyy · 01/06/2019 09:34

To buy nappies for a baby and then use that as a way to comment on how many babies somebody should have is odd

I don't see it like this at all. More just the MIL is saying she can't do this for more children if they choose to have them.

We don't know anything about the MILs financial situation, maybe she can't really afford to do this for more than one child? Where does it end? What if they decide to have 2, 3, 4, 5 children? It sounds like a favour she started doing which she can't continue to do for more children unfortunately. It isn't her responsibility to do that though. It's the parents.

Original poster
TheJoxter · 01/06/2019 09:36

Fuckedoffat48b but why should the MIL have to start paying twice as much (or more because newborns get through so many nappies) just because they want another baby. They aren’t her kids! If they have to rely on the MIL to pay for all their nappies then they shouldn’t be planning to have another child as they clearly can’t afford it! Or if they can afford it then it shouldn’t be an issue if the MIL stops paying for them.

OP posts: