Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner falls asleep on the sofa at 8 every night

56 replies

bloodymiserable91 · 31/05/2019 20:57

I'm just miserable - we're both 27, no children. I feel like we just never have interesting conversations anymore. We don't have sex (maybe once or twice a month). And every single night he's asleep by half 7/8, snoring next to me on the sofa. No health conditions and got up at a normal hour for work so I don't know why he's like this. I think if this is us now god only knows what we would be like with children. I'm just terrified to leave, and reading some threads on here it feels like so many men are abusive and horrible and I think, is falling asleep on the sofa THAT bad? I just don't know what to do, honestly.

OP posts:
DanielRicciardosSmile · 31/05/2019 21:01

Are you sure there's no health conditions? Has he had bloods taken etc? At 27 I'd be concerned at him being so tired he was asleep at 7.30/8pm every night. DH is sometimes (not always - often he's up until 10) nodding off at that time, but he's quite a bit older than your DP, and gets up at 4am for work.

Original poster
bloodymiserable91 · 31/05/2019 21:02

No, just smokes weed twice a night which probably causes it.

OP posts:
CroissantwithCheese · 31/05/2019 21:04

Tell him to knock it on the head or you’ll leave.

I left my fiancé for the same reason. Our lives were going nowhere.

poopypants · 31/05/2019 21:04

Well that was a might big drop feed.

poopypants · 31/05/2019 21:05

Drip

thegreatcrestednewt · 31/05/2019 21:06

Oh right. So if he smokes weed, you need to point out the effect it’s having on your relationship, tell him it's like living with an OAP, and give him an ultimatum.

Does he love you more than he loves weed?? I’m sorry, but it doesn’t sound like he does.

CassianAndor · 31/05/2019 21:07

Oh, for heaven’s sake, OP, there’s your bloody answer (though actually the weed smokers I’ve known have never done that, which suggest that there is a health problem that this is exacerbating).

DanielRicciardosSmile · 31/05/2019 21:08

So you do know why he's like this then.

LagunaBubbles · 31/05/2019 21:08
Hmm
SmellMySmellbow · 31/05/2019 21:10

Ah I was going to ask if he smoked weed. As that's what happened to me when I did! So I stopped. It's not for everyone...

Original poster
bloodymiserable91 · 31/05/2019 21:10

I did give him an ultimatum - six months ago, I said if this doesn't stop I will be leaving. Stopped for a while and now we are back to square one. I know I sound stupid, I just don't know any different and really scared.

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 31/05/2019 21:11

It sounds pretty dull. My DH falls asleep on the sofa most nights. We do have kids, and we're both exhausted, so I understand it and I'm waiting on the kids becoming less work, but it definitely has me wondering about whether I'm wasting my life sometimes.

How do you want your life to be? If he wasn't asleep on the sofa, what would you, ideally, be doing? He sounds like he might have started to take your presence in his life for granted. Would he give up the weed, at least as a nightly thing? Do you think it would be better if you dated instead of living together?

I think a bit of a shake up is in order with you being prepared to move on if he doesn't shape up. It's no way to live your 20s and 30s.

SubisYodrethwhenLarping · 31/05/2019 21:12

Why are you with him?

Serin · 31/05/2019 21:15

Oh FGS love! DH and I are becoming a bit like this but in fairness we are approaching retirement and probably have better sex lives.
Either the weed goes or he goes! You are too young to waste your life like this if you are not happy.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2019 21:18

I'm just terrified to leave, and reading some threads on here it feels like so many men are abusive and horrible

It happens but people rarely post to say how happy they are and how wonderful their partners are so you’re bound to see stories of unhappy relationships and crap men. There are many men in the world who are kind, thoughtful and brilliant. Don’t let the worry about the quality of the other fish out there keep you in a relationship that isn’t working for you. That’s not at all a LTB. He doesn’t sound awful. But you have your whole life ahead of you and ideally you look to the future knowing you’re with the right partner/lover/team mate. If you're struggling now, put yourself 10 years down the line, with children (as you say) and if it makes you miserable then think seriously about walking away. It’s okay to decide you’re not getting what you need.

I think about the years I hopefully have ahead of me and I know that however long I have I’ll wish I had more days with my husband. He lights up my world, my heart beats faster when I hear his key in the door, he makes me belly laugh, I want to rip his clothes off, when he nods off on the sofa I look at his beautiful face and hope he’s having nice dreams.

I never felt like this about my ex. His snoring used to make me want to smother him! Oh my god the impotent rage I used to feel. I was scared to leave him because as shit as it was (it was fucking awful) you get used to the life you have. If I’d let fear rule my decisions I’d never have met my husband. You just don’t know what’s out there for you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2019 21:19

X post by a mile. He does sound a bit awful.

Clubbercised · 31/05/2019 21:22

Yeah, obviously it's the weed. I would hate this. You gave him an ultimatum that if he didn't quit you'd leave. And then he didn't quit... If you give an ultimatum you have to stick to it or he won't take you seriously.

So does he have a smoke at what seven and he's asleep by eight? When does he fit in his second smoke?

CassianAndor · 31/05/2019 21:23

But OP, you know if you’ve been on MN a while that it doesn’t have to be like this, and you’re worth more than this. And you certainly do NOT want to have a child with this man.

overnightangel · 31/05/2019 21:25

You didn’t give him an ultimatum, you gave him an empty threat

ReanimatedSGB · 31/05/2019 21:34

FFS you are 27 and have no DC, pack a bag and run. There is so much more to life than lumbering yourself with a boring dopehead. Being single is infinitely better than being in any but a spectacularly wonderful relationship.

Honkycat · 31/05/2019 21:37

How do you put up with the smell on him and in your home?

Original poster
bloodymiserable91 · 31/05/2019 21:39

You're all right - I know it. @honkycat - he goes outside to smoke it, on my insistence. I don't smoke it and never have. Never bothered me but now it does, more and more.

OP posts:
PeoniesarePink · 31/05/2019 21:40

You do know that he'll never give it up? He can't, he's addicted. It means more to him than you will ever do.

Run like the wind and find a man worthy of your attention.

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 31/05/2019 21:42

I used to do this before I discovered I had a gluten intolerance.

I’d come home from work and fall asleep at 5-6pm.

I was always tired.

It was because I was malnourished (although I was a normal weight) the gluten had been destroying my gut so that I wasn’t able to absorb nutrients.

Now that I have my diet sorted and avoid gluten I’m back to full energy and never fall asleep before bed.

Just something to consider.

Clubbercised · 31/05/2019 21:45

Oh aye I'm sure it's the gluten and not the twice nightly spliff!

Swipe left for the next trending thread