To say enough is enough and we need to galvanise for a change in child maintenance laws

[Suliemantra]

I have just read the thread about the man training as a medical doctor in his 50s meaning the mother of his children works full time, is in debt and he pays nothing.

I have just read about the woman whose ex has 50 50, pays maintenance and does no parenting of their children while in his care.

I have read countless threads of men refusing to declare income to avoid child maintenance.

The family courts insist on 50 50 splits if the father wants it but makes no mandate for a father to be involved with children.

The financial and caring burden is disproportionately on women.

Our children are being damaged and our own ability to live outside of poverty considerably compromised.

Why is this allowed to happen? Why aren't we petitioning parliament? How can we do this?

Change needs to be rallied for - does anyone knows of existing campaigns or knows how to campaign in a unified and successful way for change??

That should say - pays no maintenance

@mnhq can you advise on this at all?

Honestly agreed with you! In this country unpaid maintenance etc is such a flawed system. In the states the absentee parent who fails to pay or fiddles the system etc, can lose their driving license and/or be committed to prison. Pretty hefty punishments which I think is right.

Too many ( mainly) fathers think that paying Child Maintenance is optional. I think one solution would be to deduct at source like Tax and NI like they do in Australia ( I think).

My ex has a masters degree but took a job at minimum wage to deliberately reduce his maintenance payments. He routinely misses payments and they roll forward into arrears that get written off because he has nothing to pay with. This, despite the fact that he is incredibly well qualified in his profession and choosing to work in a job anyone could do - purely out of spite. I'm not sure how this could be addressed but I'd love to see it happen.

something definitely needs to be done, although I am not sure what could be done. Like a PP said it could be taken out of wages as standard, but that doesn't close the loophole which self employed NRP's use to avoid paying, or pay far less than they should be.

I don't agree with the driving licence thing because its entirely unrelated, and could make their earning potential worse which only further disadvantages their children. As well as that it could make contact difficult which I do not think is fair on the child.

I am with you!!

It is disgusting but the government don't care I think there has been quite a few petitions calling for non payment to be classes as neglect or for driving license to be taken of non payers etc.

I guess we could all go to our MPs and I know 121 MPs have asked for a review in family courts which i know is a different but shows maybe some MPs care about children.

My ExH hasn't worked for 4 years because his partner is a millionaire. i think therefore the liability falls to her like it does for all his other bills.

If she wants to be responsible for him then she should also pay for his kids like he should!!

Absolutely agree, men should be held accountable for 50% of the REAL cost of raising their child. It’s outrageous that time and time again they get away with paying little or nothing.

This needs to change.

The financial and caring burden is disproportionately on women.

The vast amount of threads on MN pushes woman to have sole residency/custody/not register the father. You'll only have true equality if 50% of men are allowed residency. Women will not give that up without a fight.

Disproprtionately, more men are homeless because they cant get residency/custody of their children - the parent (Nearly always the woman) who keeps the kids, keeps all the benefits.

Agree that child maintenance and the provisions for ensuring payments are made is abysmal in the UK.

However I truly think that the problems stem from childcare still defaulting as women's work... Mother’s responsibility. Whilst I know of one man who is truly 50% responsible for his children, I know many more, including my own partner for
whom that is not the case. If men felt equally responsible for their children, and all that it entails, I'd like to think that more men would pay up.

Sure, in the meantime we need better laws and systems in place, and I absolutely support that. Longer term, it's the attitudes of men (those in power and those who are not) who feel it's morally acceptable to bail out of caring for their child, providing financially for them etc that has to change. And that's a tougher ball game altogether.

(And yes, before I get jumped on... Not all Men.. a few women... but facts are facts, and it is predominately male problem that women and children are having to deal with)

men should be held accountable for 50% of the REAL cost of raising their child

how would you in real terms be able to work that out though? there are too many variables. I am not saying they shouldn't pay their fair share, I absolutely 100% believe they should, but how would you enforce it? calculate it?

Also sahm who lose out in terms of earnings/promotion/pension in order to care for children are disadvantaged upon divorce financially. The man who has benefitted from all the childcare and not needing to compromise his career, gets to keep all the money and not be held responsible for decisions jointly made to have one parent care ft for the kids.

The driving licence is a good penalty, because it hits those who hide assets.

If they are not paying anyway, then there is no downside about damaging their earning capability

I tend to think that the maintenance issue would be sorted by when couples divorce / split, the childcare should be 50/50 (in a set up which suits everyone)

nobody pays anyone any money, both parents have the same level of responsibility, child has a good relationship with both parents, nobody feels badly done to.

Obviously there are some circumstances where this doesn't and cant work, but instead of courts working from EOW and one night a week, cant 50/50 be the starting point?

A lot of men would actually have to parent, and a lot of women would have more opportunity to work, build a career etc.

bigchoc but surely the point is that you want them to pay, so by taking their licence away, making their earning potential less, you're just going to get less money if/when they do start paying surely?

I just think there is better ways around it than that personally.

Unless the SAHP chooses marriage, then the only legal responsibility should be for the kids, not the SAHP
(unless they have sensibly signed legally binding contracts to replace marriage protection)

that is a choice by both parties, but no parent can sign away their DC's rights to maintenance

You're flogging a dead horse.
I absolutely agree and want change. I've been the single mum who's ex did all he could to avoid paying and didn't see the kids once for 5 years so I really am on your side. But our government does care. The last time it was brought up, MP's agreed that CMS was adequate, and no extra legislation was needed. They don't care.

Taking away driving license hits them in a place which means something - it inconveniences them in real life and therefore men are more likely to pay up than lose that freedom.

Patriachy at work again

Forcing the women to do 95% of the caring role in the event of a split by giving them residency of children

I agree 100 %

*doesn't care

*The vast amount of threads on MN pushes woman to have sole residency/custody/not register the father. You'll only have true equality if 50% of men are allowed residency. Women will not give that up without a fight.

Disproprtionately, more men are homeless because they cant get residency/custody of their children - the parent (Nearly always the woman) who keeps the kids, keeps all the benefits.*

Oh of course, it would be all women’s fault... what percentage of men in this country actually ask for 50/50? Maybe check into that before assuming it’s nasty women not letting men have 50/50 custody.

My mother never paid a penny for us, but several times she successfully claimed child benefit and opened CM claims against my dad successfully despite having not seen my sister or I for years.

It’s too easy to cheat the system.

nobody pays anyone any money, both parents have the same level of responsibility, child has a good relationship with both parents, nobody feels badly done to.*
Then you have to hope both notice school uniform/shoes/clubs/opticians etc need paying for and don't dodge...