To say enough is enough and we need to galvanise for a change in child maintenance laws

[Suliemantra]

I have just read the thread about the man training as a medical doctor in his 50s meaning the mother of his children works full time, is in debt and he pays nothing.

I have just read about the woman whose ex has 50 50, pays maintenance and does no parenting of their children while in his care.

I have read countless threads of men refusing to declare income to avoid child maintenance.

The family courts insist on 50 50 splits if the father wants it but makes no mandate for a father to be involved with children.

The financial and caring burden is disproportionately on women.

Our children are being damaged and our own ability to live outside of poverty considerably compromised.

Why is this allowed to happen? Why aren't we petitioning parliament? How can we do this?

Change needs to be rallied for - does anyone knows of existing campaigns or knows how to campaign in a unified and successful way for change??

how do you expect an NRP to live on 60% of a wage?!

Well you expect children to be able to live of 12% of it?

I don't think many RP have the luxury of 60% of their wages to themselves somehow!!!

the majority will be spending more than 60% of their wage on their child not themselves.

And what are you suggesting that “60%” is made up of? Clothes, food, rent and bills? What percentage of rent / mortgage / household bills to you attribute to the children?

And how do you know about the finances of the “majority”?

Absolutely with you there OP, despicable system.

Whether male or female it always seems ok for a parent to absolve themselves of the responsibility for the children they have created. My EXH did the same.

Dealing with the CMS was traumatic, I could write a book. I was disgusted that as a serving police officer, he lied and blocked every attempt to get money from him, even though he was fully employed in a professional role and earning from a second business.

One telephone call the CMS staff member informed me that my EXH couldn't afford more than £3.00 per month against his £1,000's of debt. She said "I've been trying to contact him unsuccessfully this week to ask him if he can possibly agree to an increase of £5.00...but he isn't answering his phone". My response "no you won't be able to get hold of him, he's skiing in the Alps for 3 weeks". Unbelievable!

Given emotional abuse I was shocked to be expected to attend my appeal hearing with him, including a joint meeting and had to forgo the right to appeal in person as I just couldn't sit and argue over money with him ( with his OW accompanying him).

He claimed a higher amount as a deduction for his new partners DD who lived with them 50/50 than he was expected to pay for his own DC's. How does this work? This DD had two full time working parents earning £150,000 between them, why was my EXH allowed to priorities 'money' for someone else's child over his own.
With a full time wage and his £500,000 inheritance, maintenance for two DC's amounted to £211 per month, not enough to even cover their school lunch as teens. (not that he pays it)

I continued with my teaching job yet was able to claim tax credits and childcare. Why? Why are you, the tax payer supporting our DC's when he has the means to support his own DC's. Again sheer madness.

Dealing with the CMS was just about as traumatic as my divorce. Hour after hour, letter after letter, calendars of contact, diaries, witness statements,appeals, gullible CMS staff. Absolutely soul destroying at a time of trauma anyway, having to fight for something to which the DC's are entitled.

The RP is paying for their child with their full wages. And like I said the majority will be spending more than 60% of their wage on their child not themselves

The rp doesnt have to house themselves seperately from their child though do they?

Well you expect children to be able to live of 12% of it?

No because the rp contributes tooo.

And how do you know about the finances of the “majority”?
Because clearly they are spending more on their dc than themselves as many, (usually) father’s are not contributing enough if anything.

Explain "clearly"

The whole system make me cross, my ex owe over 25K in unpaid maintenance, he works cash in hard and has his own workshop, inland revenue have no earned income details snd no tax has been paid since 2009 he also isn't registered as claiming benefits so I get nothing!

I have sent in details of where he works, photos etc he'll my teenage children even go there with him yet child support do absolutely nothing... yet my ex drives around I tip of the range cars, holidays at least 4 times a year etc, I would love to see him get a prison sentence

I've also reported to inland revenue loads of times but there not introduce in a small one man band

I think there is some very worthwhile research that has not been done which is: Is there a correlation between a child not getting CM and the child living below the poverty line? . I have a feeling that it’s the next biggest scandal that the gov is not doing anything to rectify which isn’t being talked about.

I also think that the way that certain NRPs treat their DCs is still socially acceptable. Until it becomes socially unacceptable things won’t change.

I’ll be thought of as nasty and vindictive witch if I let it be known to my ex’s friends he pays no CM. We are just meant to put up and shut up.

For me, it is unbelievable that the child maintenance does not take into account childcare costs.
I believe statistically the marriage is most likely to fall apart in the first year of the child's life. The mother then has a choice of living on welfare OR meeting £Ks in childcare costs for years single handedly. It is a scandal.

Yes. you are right.

We should realise we made a mistake allowing easy divorce, and ban it. We should also stigmatise children born out of wedlock. Back to the future, eh?

The thing is we won't do that. But as a result we have opened a Pandora's box where society now has to make a significant financial contribution to many families that it didn't used to. It's another reason why taxes go up inexorably. IMO

If it took into consideration childcare costs, I can see even more NRP's running for the hills...
sorry if I sound bitter.

I have just put my (paid for completely by me, her father bowed out a few weeks after she was born, apparently he wasn't ready... we were engaged, and it was his fucking idea to have unprotected sex) daughter to bed.

It would be lovely if the CMS would sort it out, but I really don't think it will happen.

If she wants to be responsible for him then she should also pay for his kids like he should
No, she has no rights or responsibilities for another couple's children. It doesn't make him a decent person but we can't expect her pay for his children.

Children should be able to spend equal time with both parents. Men get the rough end of the stick a lot of the time and lose their family, home and cant afford to recover. Children have become the ultimate weapon, the person with the kids more gets the win financially. The system has really fucked up. This assumption that mothers should be the main carers needs to go out of the window and each parent should have equal responsibility to the kids, for childrearing, and for supporting themselves and their kids.

Sorry peacocking, but do you actually believe that the person who is bringing up the children are the financial winners in a separation/divorce? Based on what? Because it only takes a look at this thread, the countless others where RP's are getting screwed over, the countless studies, the proven links between single parents and poverty, to see that that is just not true.

I would back a 50/50 monetary split on bringing up the children.

But it would not only mean that
each case was brought on its own merits,
parents would have to co-parent and not arbitrarily decide on what the child was or wasn't going to do.
and (the bit that the vast majority on here would balk at) the RP providing evidence of expenditure.

and that still wouldn't work if there was a huge difference in pay.

When women stop putting Father’s details on birth certificates to get leverage, stop being SAHM long after they need to and assume they should have full custody of the kids but fathers have to fight for any access then perhaps things will change. Till then it’ll continue to be a pissing contest between embittered parents at the expense of the children.