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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about car parking or is DH?

84 replies

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 10:04

This is really petty but bugging me.

Yesterday I went to the shop with one of our cars, it's about a 30 min round journey including shopping time so I wasn't away for long at all. We have a small area between the road and our garden where we can just park our 2 cars. We never use this space for anything else.

I came back from the shop and backed into the space as I always do as the visibility isn't great when you are leaving so it's better to be facing forwards. You can't see terribly well out of the back of my car as the back windscreen is small but it has a parking sensor. I stopped abruptly as I was backing in as I heard a noise which sounded like I was starting to touch the bushes at the back of the parking space but my sensor hadn't warned me I was too close and I could see out the back that I was still a good metre from the bush.

DH appeared looking really cross and I got out the car to see what was going on.

DH had left our lawnmower near the back of the parking space, slightly hidden by the back of our other car but with 3/4 of it overlapping into the other parking space and that was what I backed into.

There is a tiny scratch on the car bumper and scuffing on our ancient and battered lawnmower so hardly a big deal.

DH had a right go at me for not looking properly, etc and I said, OK I'm perfectly willing to admit that I probably didn't look properly but I was backing into a private parking space on my own land that I could see perfectly well didn't have another vehicle on it, that I had left empty 30 mins previously and that in 6 years of living here has never had anything in it other than my car or occasionally a visitor's car.

I was pissed off at him for leaving a totally unexpected object there, totally unnecessarily and when he knew I'd popped to the shop and would be back whilst the object was there. How stupid can you get.

I admit that it is mostly my fault as a driver I should have looked better (although I'm not too sure how as I couldn't see the lawnmower out of my back windscreen which I did look out of as I always do, I never just depend on the sensor).

The AIBU is AIBU to be pissed off with DH for totally refusing that he is partly responsible and that it was a stupid place to leave the lawnmower.

I'm pissed off because he has form for not being good at admitting he is wrong and this, despite being petty and no big deal in terms of damage done, is really bloody annoying.

As far as he's concerned it was 100% my fault. I accept that I made a driver error but I just want him to admit that what he did was silly and the chances were that I wouldn't see the lawnmower, especially as I couldn't possibly anticipate it being there and that he was silly for leaving it there. I'm not asking for much just a "oh shit Beach, I wasn't thinking, oh well lucky there isn't really any damage done, lesson to us both, etc"

AIBU ?

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 31/05/2019 10:11

Was there any grass where the lawnmower was sitting?

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 10:13

No!

There is just gravel. It isn't an area that needs mowed.

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 31/05/2019 10:14

What was his reason for it being there?

Inniu · 31/05/2019 10:19

You always have to check. As the driver you are 100% wrong if you hit a stationary object.

woollyheart · 31/05/2019 10:20

He sounds a bit thoughtless leaving it there when he knew you would be coming back, there is no usual need for a lawn mower to be there as it's gravel and it would be difficult to see.

However, you are the driver, and need to check a bit more carefully.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 31/05/2019 10:20

YANBU. He has done the unthinkable, fucked up and backed himself into a corner. He can't apologise now because his initial reaction was so daft.

DH does this occasionally, I usually make a stinging comment and tell him he's been a fool... and end with that I love him even if he can't admit he is a twat sometimes!

Nowadays (30 years married) he is as likely to back down without too much / any prompting. But it is bloody tiresome.

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 10:21

I don't really know as we were both cross so he never told me why it was there. The area is between two bits of grass so I suppose you could leave it there between cutting those two bits but the gravel area is higher than the grass and has stones and bushes round most of it so not a logical or convenient route between the two areas.

It's normally me who cuts the grass and I have never had cause to leave the lawnmower there or pass over there with it.

The space is exactly the size of two cars and gravelled. We landscaped it as a parking space for our 2 vehicles.

OP posts:

my2bundles · 31/05/2019 10:23

You always need to check. There could have been a cat there, or a child. Just because it's a private drive dosent mean a child couldn't wander on to it.

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 10:26

I totally accept that as the driver I am in the wrong.

I just want him to admit that what he did was really unhelpful.

I'm pretty sure that if the roles were reversed he would have a right go at me for leaving the lawnmower in a stupid place (except that I would never leave it there because I never have cause for it to be there and I think the chances are you are setting a driver up to fail if you leave an object at the back of a parking space partially hidden by another vehicle!)

OP posts:

fedup21 · 31/05/2019 10:26

Yes, obviously you should always be looking, but he was a twat for leaving it there knowing you’d be back in a minute!

Jeezoh · 31/05/2019 10:28

It’s 100% your fault, you hit a stationary object that you should have seen. Sounds like you went into automatic mode as it’s a regular occurrence for you to park there.

There’s a reason why most accidents occur near to home - people switch off as they’re nearly home and don’t pay attention to their surroundings, like they would in an unfamiliar area. You should always be checking your surroundings rather than making assumptions.

fairweathercyclist · 31/05/2019 10:29

What a fuss over hitting a lawn mower and a few scratches.

It was out bin day yesterday and I was reversing out of our driveway (at a bit of an angle as we have two cars parked on it). My parking sensor started going mad and I suddenly realised I was going to reverse into the bin. Yes I would have hit it (and possibly knocked it over) if we didn't have the parking sensor because it was on the very edge of the drive and I'd just forgotten it was there. I'm not going to have nightmares over the fact I nearly hit an inanimate object at about 2mph.

my2bundles · 31/05/2019 10:29

That's not tne pointment. You should always always check. You could have hit something alive you had no idea what else could have been there. What you did was far worse.

Laiste · 31/05/2019 10:31

DH tripped over a pair of my ballet flats the other day. I'd left them near a wall in a hallway. This is a first in 12 years of living together.

His bewilderment and wide eyed rage was astounding considering the number of times he LEAVES HIS BLOODY GREAT CLOD HOPPING FILTHY WORK TRAINERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DOORWAY ON A DAILY BASIS FOR ME AND EVERYONE ELSE TO TRIP OVER!!!

I'm not sure how this relates to your post OP, but it was good to get it off my chest.

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 10:31

I agree my2bundles. You always need to check. And I did and I didn't see it and that means that I made a mistake and should learn from that and be grateful that nothing bad happened. Which I am.

I have no problem admitting that it's my fault and that I was lucky. I would just like DH to put his manly pride to one side for 2 minutes and admit that it was an odd and silly place to leave an object

He knew I would be coming back and he knew I would be backing in and he knew that I was arriving from the side where the lawnmower was hidden by our other car.

OP posts:

wonderinwhy · 31/05/2019 10:31

It’s 100% your fault. As the driver you are responsible for parking the car safely and checking the area is clear. There could have been a cat, tortoise, small child in that space. Just because it’s been clear for years doesn’t mean it’s always that way. Legally, you are entirely at fault. However, your DH has been a bit of a dick. Leaving a lawnmower in a space he knows you are going to need to park in. What was his plan? That you’d have to get out of the car and move it before parking? He knew you needed that space and chose to block it. Legally you are at fault but unintentionally. Intentionally and morally he’s been a dickhead. So I think the conversation should be “I know I should have checked before parking and I fully accept the blame but you were a dick to leave an item blocking my space. you knew I needed to park there and you blocked it anyway so morally you should do the right thing and get the car fixed. And please don’t block my space again. I’m asking you now, before it happens again, please do not leave items in my parking space again”

KnifeAngel · 31/05/2019 10:35

100% your fault. You should be using your door mirrors. It could have been a child. Too many people rely on parking sensors.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 31/05/2019 10:36

Im sorry but it is 100% your fault imo and I don't think your dh should apologise to You because of your mistake.

Nesssie · 31/05/2019 10:36

YABU. Can't honestly see how this is anybody else's fault. He left an object on the driveway. Not a big deal at all. You backed in to it. Your fault.
I'm not surprised he's pissed that you are trying to get him to apologise when he hasn't done anything wrong.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 31/05/2019 10:37

Life is too short to have arguments 'waiting for an apology'. At least no one was hurt.

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 10:38

I agree I'm legally at fault. I agree I went into automatic mode. There is no real damage done thankfully. I will never back into the space again without checking better that there is nothing there.

I just don't get why he can't say he did a silly thing. This isn't about cars and lawnmowers it's about me being frustrated over him being crap at admitting mistakes. I'm not even that sure why it's bothering me so much! I think it's because he had a right go at me from up on a high horse.

OP posts:

Alsohuman · 31/05/2019 10:38

Six of one, half dozen of the other. Move on, life’s too short.

IncrediblySadToo · 31/05/2019 10:39

At the very least, it was totally thoughtless of him to (unnecessarily) leave it where it would be in your way anyway, irrespective of whether you would see it or not.

However, I could quite possibly be that ‘thoughtless’ if I was mowing the lawn and just went inside to the loo or something.

I probably would have ‘blamed’ you because (as you said yourself) as a driver you should check to see the space IS clear first, but I would have said (as you think he should have’ that it was an unfortunate scratch on the bumper, but thankfully, minor and that I was sorry I’d so carelessly left it in a stupid place.

You should get your parking sensors checked out, mine would definitely have been losing their shit over a lawnmower (annoying little bastards, but quite good I suppose).

BruceAndNosh · 31/05/2019 10:41

My, there's a lot of holier than thou people on this thread

OP- your husband is partially to blame

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 10:47

OK, well thanks for your opinions. It would seem that I am being unreasonable.

We live in the middle of the country quite far from other houses and the area is not a driveway. It doesn't lead anywhere it is a mostly closed off parking space and nothing else so there has never in 6 years been anything there other than a car. But lesson to me of course as a driver to not do things automatically as that is when we are at our most dangerous. I agree.

I just know that if it had been me who had left an object there where it was unexpected and difficult to see I would be capable of saying "opps, that wasn't a great idea"

OP posts:

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