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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about car parking or is DH?

84 replies

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 10:04

This is really petty but bugging me.

Yesterday I went to the shop with one of our cars, it's about a 30 min round journey including shopping time so I wasn't away for long at all. We have a small area between the road and our garden where we can just park our 2 cars. We never use this space for anything else.

I came back from the shop and backed into the space as I always do as the visibility isn't great when you are leaving so it's better to be facing forwards. You can't see terribly well out of the back of my car as the back windscreen is small but it has a parking sensor. I stopped abruptly as I was backing in as I heard a noise which sounded like I was starting to touch the bushes at the back of the parking space but my sensor hadn't warned me I was too close and I could see out the back that I was still a good metre from the bush.

DH appeared looking really cross and I got out the car to see what was going on.

DH had left our lawnmower near the back of the parking space, slightly hidden by the back of our other car but with 3/4 of it overlapping into the other parking space and that was what I backed into.

There is a tiny scratch on the car bumper and scuffing on our ancient and battered lawnmower so hardly a big deal.

DH had a right go at me for not looking properly, etc and I said, OK I'm perfectly willing to admit that I probably didn't look properly but I was backing into a private parking space on my own land that I could see perfectly well didn't have another vehicle on it, that I had left empty 30 mins previously and that in 6 years of living here has never had anything in it other than my car or occasionally a visitor's car.

I was pissed off at him for leaving a totally unexpected object there, totally unnecessarily and when he knew I'd popped to the shop and would be back whilst the object was there. How stupid can you get.

I admit that it is mostly my fault as a driver I should have looked better (although I'm not too sure how as I couldn't see the lawnmower out of my back windscreen which I did look out of as I always do, I never just depend on the sensor).

The AIBU is AIBU to be pissed off with DH for totally refusing that he is partly responsible and that it was a stupid place to leave the lawnmower.

I'm pissed off because he has form for not being good at admitting he is wrong and this, despite being petty and no big deal in terms of damage done, is really bloody annoying.

As far as he's concerned it was 100% my fault. I accept that I made a driver error but I just want him to admit that what he did was silly and the chances were that I wouldn't see the lawnmower, especially as I couldn't possibly anticipate it being there and that he was silly for leaving it there. I'm not asking for much just a "oh shit Beach, I wasn't thinking, oh well lucky there isn't really any damage done, lesson to us both, etc"

AIBU ?

OP posts:

my2bundles · 31/05/2019 10:49

No ones being holier than thou. Just pointing out the very real dangers.

gandalf456 · 31/05/2019 10:50

You are nicer than me. I'd have totally blamed dh

Soontobe60 · 31/05/2019 10:50

He won't say he did a silly thing because you did something far sillier, and potentially much more dangerous, then went off at him for leaving the mower there instead of just accepting full responsibility.
Where he left it is completely irrelevant. You should be the apologetic one for trying to blame him for your poor driving. Oh, and thank heavens it wasn't a child!

Antonin · 31/05/2019 10:51

Contributory negligence on the part of DH.

CareBear50 · 31/05/2019 10:52

As a legal issue - 100 percent your fault
As a total dickhead issue - 100 percent his fault and he should admit he was being a bit of a plonker

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 10:55

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Thank you for understanding. That's how I feel. It's tiresome.

OP posts:

PavlovaFaith · 31/05/2019 10:57

You're being really unreasonable. You don't have to hang people out to dry every time they make a mistake. What wrong with "I didn't see you left the lawnmower out" and leave it at that. You're both to blame so why do you have to hash it out like this?

MyKingdomForBrie · 31/05/2019 10:57

Definitely very bloody annoying of him!! Even if you hadn't bumped it you would have had to stop, get out, move the mower just to be able to park, what was he thinking?!

Also @Laiste I hope you told him to ftfo on the grounds of his shoes?!

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 31/05/2019 10:59

100% your fault. You backed into a lawn mover as you didn’t look. Lawn movers are not small items that are easy to miss so regardless of why it was there it is your error.
Can’t see why you want your husband to accept part blame for leaving a large item which is easy to see for a few minutes even if it was in a place you wouldn’t usually expect to see it.
Would be different if say he had left a lawn rake in long grass and you didn’t see it but not something the size of a mover.

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 11:02

Soontobe60 I didn't go off at him.

He went off at me. And I admitted my mistake. And then I said, slightly crossly, that it was a jolly unhelpful and odd place to leave the lawnmower.

Yes, thank heavens it wasn't a child.

Although I'm not too sure how a child could have got there without hitching across country from the nearest village a few miles away. Both my children were in the car with me. There are no other houses nearby so forgive me if I don't agonize for too long over a hypothetical child. I have been driving for nearly 30 years, have a clean driving license and a full no claims bonus. I made a mistake and will learn from it.

OP posts:

powershowerforanhour · 31/05/2019 11:03

WHAT IF THERE HAD BEEN A TORTOISE??

Good grief. It sounds like to check properly you would've had to get out of the car and walked round behind it to check, then get back in the car. Which- if it was my own space on my own land and had never had anything else in it in 6 years of parking every day- I would not be bothered to do every single day, possibly unless small children were visiting or I or a neighbour had an ancient deaf cat that habitually sat there. I wouldn't routinely get out of the car and go and check for random animals, objects and abandoned babies. Yes technically it is your fault but I would have done the exact same thing as you did. If I had been the lawnmower-leaver and my husband ran into it he would have been annoyed and 80% blamed me; if my mum ran into it she would have been really annoyed and 99% blamed me (as she did when she reversed across her huge big open yard into my car which was where I always park it when I visit her)

GlamGiraffe · 31/05/2019 11:03

The lawnmower was partly hidden beunndrgevother car . Would you have seen it if you were looking more.if as you sa, only a bit was sticking out from behind the car it a possible you might have missed it even of looking straight on.
It's one thing for DH to use the mower but to leave it where it's mostly hidden is really stupid.
He should acknowledge that... bun then i suspect the chances a are slim

Allhailthesun · 31/05/2019 11:05

Op has said it’s her fault.
However accidents happen. Up to everyone to be considerate and not make them more likely.

Damia · 31/05/2019 11:07

Next time he is out leave the lawnmower in the same place and see if he notices it or crashes into it and then see whose fault he thinks it is then. I'm guessing that would be your fault.

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 11:08

It's a small electric mower. The highest part of it which is the handle was behind the other car. It was partially hidden by the other car.

I'm not going on to DH about this and I haven't asked him to apologize.

I just feel a bit upset that he had a right go at me (fair enough I did something stupid and dangerous) but has totally refused to give even a hint of "oops not the cleverest place I've ever left the lawnmower darling!"

That's all.

Oh well my bad.

OP posts:

Lweji · 31/05/2019 11:12

You know you will simply have to put the lawnmower in his car space every single time he leaves, don't you?

Or, in exactly same position behind your own car to see if he can spot it.

Then, don't say a word.

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 11:15

Damia.

I'm tempted 🤪 (not really, I'm joking)

I suspect that you are right. He would do exactly the same as me.

I happen to know that he quietly went off and did a wee test. Later in the afternoon he put the lawnmower where it had been and moved the car and then backed back in. I saw him from our bedroom window. He didn't say anything to me so I suspect what he found out was that he could not see the lawnmower from the car and would either have had to check the space by physically getting out of the car or possibly by coming in frontways.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 11:16

And yes, I would have had to get out of the car and move the lawnmower a bit in order to be properly backed off the road so I really don't know what he was thinking.

OP posts:

Twooter · 31/05/2019 11:17

Yanbu. What care bear said.

powershowerforanhour · 31/05/2019 11:36

You have my sympathy- I am also married to a blame-dodger. It's quite annoying. At least he's not as bad as my mum...if she ever apologises for anything or admits that she might have been slightly in the wrong, my siblings and I collect our jaws off the floor and ask her if she needs an ambulance as she is clearly not herself.

randomsabreuse · 31/05/2019 11:36

If you had seen the lawnmower I assume you would have been pissed off to have to get out the car, move the lawnmower from the irritating location then park your car, possibly while obstructing the road - so yes he did a dick move first. Which he should acknowledge...

Antigonads · 31/05/2019 11:46

I'm with you OP.

We have neighbours who have a right of access along our driveway. When they moved in their children were always rampaging through our garden and playing on DD's climbing frame and treating it as an extension their own garden.

I had to mention to the father that I'd appreciate it if he could stop them playing uninvited and unexpectedly in our garden as I would hate to hit one of them when reversing out of my parking space. He commented with "Oh, are you one of those 4x4 drivers who doesn't look behind you when reversing". .

I always check behind me car as I put the dog in the boot. And as I am reversing on my own land I didn't expect random small children to suddenly be walking behind me unaccompanied, after I had already checked behind me.

Your DH sounds a bit like mine, nothing is ever his fault..;.

Original poster

Beachcomber · 31/05/2019 11:48

Yes, it would have been annoying and not great to have to leave the car half on the road and get out and move the lawnmower.

I think I'm bothered about what is really a petty issue cos as powershowerforanhour says, I'm married to a blame dodger.

We have a houseful of people at the moment and I've been catering for 12 over the last couple of days and nipped to the shop to grab some things I'd forgotten earlier for a big meal I was making so I guess that added to my annoyance and no doubt my lack of careful parking attention.

BTW all my guests are adults so no risk of backing my car into them. And none of them have brought a tortoise...

OP posts:

Ninkaninus · 31/05/2019 11:50

He sounds like the kind of guy who just likes having a go at you no matter what you do. Perhaps he feels stupid for doing a stupid thing and would rather be pissed off at you than admit he shouldn’t have left it there. That’s unreasonable.

You’ve accepted that it’s your responsibility as the driver to look and make sure you’re driving and parking safely. But I don’t know whether it was visible to you or not. What’s definitely unquestionably knowable, though, is that if he hadn’t left it there none of this would have happened.

Antigonads · 31/05/2019 11:56

DH once hit the control for the electric garage door as I was walking into the garage. It hit me on the head. It was apparently my fault for being in the wrong place. Idiot.

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