Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss my old life before I had a baby?

72 replies

CobaltRose96 · 30/05/2019 17:11

Hi all.

I’m a FTM to my amazing 11 week old DD. I love her to bits and wouldn’t be without her now, but sometimes I cannot help but reminisce about my old life and the freedom I had. I could just grab my keys and go out without a second thought. Now I have to take DD and what seems like the kitchen sink! 😂

I’m a fairly young mum (just turned 23, was 22 when I had her) and none of my friends have children. Well, those that still speak to me anyway (most of my friends stopped talking to me once I got pregnant). It sucks, but my DD is well worth it! But I must admit that I sometimes envy the freedom they have. Part of me feels guilty for missing my old life as no amount of fun or socialising could even remotely compare to my daughter, but surely I cannot be the only one?

My DD is a very much planned for and wanted baby (she came after two devastating miscarriages) and I utterly adore her, but sometimes I miss my old life!

Pics just because she’s adorable ❤️

To miss my old life before I had a baby?
To miss my old life before I had a baby?
To miss my old life before I had a baby?
OP posts:
Nearlythere1 · 30/05/2019 17:21

No advice but your baby is absolutely gorgeous xx

3timeslucky · 30/05/2019 17:26

YANBU. I'm 52 and have children aged between 18 and 10 and I still miss my old life sometimes Smile I imagine it is pretty commonplace/normal. Having a baby is a phenomenal change and it does make life different.

Congratulations and enjoy Flowers

Nicecupofcoco · 30/05/2019 17:29

I felt the same op! Thought it was pretty normal way to feel actually! Smile
My lo is a toddler now and there's still times I miss my old life, but especially at the beginning. Its so hard!
Its such a big change,and you may feel it for a while yet to come, but that doesn't mean you want your old life back, or don't want your lovely dd, you just miss the freedom you had.
Perfectly normal way to feel I think.
I think as dd gets older, and it's easier to get out and about you won't feel it as much.
Be kind to yourself! Congratulations on your dd. She's gorgeous!

Pinkvoid · 30/05/2019 17:31

I remember you from the pregnancy board, I also had two missed miscarriages and now have a seven month old. Your baby is gorgeous Smile.

It’s a perfectly normal feeling for anyone of any age to reminisce and miss your old life. A friend of mine just had her first baby and she was telling me how she used to get excited about nights out, now she’s excited about her nappies being hung out on the washing line Grin.

Your life completely changes and your priorities do too. What I will say is that they get easier the older they get, I promise.

SoyDora · 30/05/2019 17:33

Completely normal. I don’t know a new mother who hasn’t felt like this to be honest.

TinyTickler · 30/05/2019 17:40

Oh God yes it's so normal to feel that way! Everything about your life changes when you have a baby, it's absolutely ok to miss your old life.

Original poster
CobaltRose96 · 30/05/2019 17:41

Thank you all! Reassuring to know it’s normal. I got VERY lucky with DD, she’s a super easy baby. Rarely cries and is very happy and smiley. Think she’s spoiled me for future babies Grin

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 30/05/2019 17:43

Of course it's normal. You need to meet some other mums, I think, to compare notes with, because this kind of thing is basic.

cupcakesandglitter · 30/05/2019 17:45

@CobaltRose96 I remember you from the TTC boards, congrats!! She's absolutely beautiful ❤️

Original poster
CobaltRose96 · 30/05/2019 17:48

@bridgetreilly Hmm I have met other mums. We don’t really discuss our personal lives, it’s more about our babies and other children (if they have any). Plus I think it’s sometimes a bit taboo to say you miss your old life.

Thanks for the condescension, though.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 30/05/2019 17:48

You'll feel like this until they are old enough to be left home on their own for a few hours. Then you'll want to dance until you realise that it also coincide with them spending more and more time in their room wanting little to do with you and you then miss their cuddles, chats and smiles and wish they were little again!

She's adorable Flowers

sincethereis · 30/05/2019 17:49

Ur baby is so cute and no you are not unreasonable.

Original poster
CobaltRose96 · 30/05/2019 17:49

@cupcakesandglitter, ah, I remember you too! Grin Thank you.

OP posts:
AnnieMay100 · 30/05/2019 17:49

It’s normal, parenting is a huge change and she’s still very young. Don’t be hard on yourself, try and join some mother and baby groups and meet other mums your age. She is absolutely beautiful congratulations

IDontDrinkTea · 30/05/2019 17:51

My dd is twelve weeks and I feel the same.

Also agree that meeting other mums isn’t fun conversation. You just talk about birth, babies, and who’s had the least sleep Hmm

Mumstheword1987 · 30/05/2019 17:54

Mine are 2 1 and months I still miss my old life lol

woodcutbirds · 30/05/2019 17:58

Hi OP
Congratulations. She's gorgeous.

I felt like you do. I really badly missed my old life until I realised I'd never get it back, and instead, I needed to focus on all the exciting things about my new life.

You swap fun nights out with the girls for fun days out with your DD. You swap endless discussions about men and heartbreak (yawn) with endless discussions with mum friends about weaning and sleep patterns and milestones and baby groups (probably also yawn but it is very important, as you are developing knowledge and contacts connected to your baby.)

I totally stopped missing my old life when I focused on getting the most fun out of my new life. Making DC laugh. Visiting fairgrounds and city farms and soft play and playparks and music groups and toy shops etc. I loved the excitement they got from ordinary life. They could explode with excitement just because they saw a bus!!!!! or a donkey!!!!!!! They'd be in awe of bubbles in the bath or music on TV.

She's really young still but very soon her amazement at the world will bring you a whole new happy stage of life.

SlimGin · 30/05/2019 18:07

She's beautiful OP!

I had my DD at 25 and I found the adjustment from old life to new really hard at the beginning. I felt very tied down and boring and sensible when I just wanted to go wild for a night or two. I also lost touch with a lot of friends despite me travelling to see them/organise get togethers, as they just aren't interested in me or my DD!

She's 8 months old now and I've gained a lot more perspective. I'm actually happier with her in my life and gives me motivation to be a good person not to mention healthier.

I do miss being able to go for a spontaneous drink though Wine

kiki22 · 30/05/2019 18:11

Your dd is gorgeous.

I missed my pre baby life for the first few years but now 7 years in I can hardly remember what life with out my sons was like. I prefer my life now it just took a lot or getting used to. My youngest is 2.5 now and life is getting much easier to just get up and go now I've left the baby bit

Emmabryant123 · 30/05/2019 18:15

Ah I was also 22 when I had my 3 year old
Congratulations she is lovely
It's v normal to miss your old life

LeSquigh · 30/05/2019 18:16

Your baby is BEAUTIFUL!

We all feel like that from time to time (often!). Don’t feel bad about it. It’s a big change. I certainly feel like it regularly and I am eight years in being a mum. However every time I do get a rare day out I feel extremely guilty and wonder how my kids are Grin

katsucurry · 30/05/2019 18:19

Hi my daughter is 11 weeks too! Congratulations. I'm 28 and she's my third so I definitely know what you mean.

We've got a big gap though, as my other two are well into primary school age so I was unsure about having a third because life had been so much easier for a few years now that they're more independent.

I adore the baby stage though, it's so lovely doing it again - most of all I miss being able to eat dinner without juggling a baby between me and my husband at the table and closing the living room door in the evening once the children had gone to bed!!

Rainbowknickers · 30/05/2019 18:25

We had a life before kids???what was that like???lol I had my 1st at 19 and the lack of independence almost killed me
It was the fact it could take 2 hours just to get out of the door instead of 20 minutes
It does get better I promise you get faster at it (I could get 6 out the door in just under an hour) and they do grow up and start doing stuff for themselves
She’s a cracker! Congratulations!

MuddyMoose · 30/05/2019 18:31

She's absolutely gorgeous. What you're feeling is completely normal. I have a 2.5 DS & still very occasionally feel a twinge of nostalgia towards my freedom filled past. But he's my absolute world & such a delight. As they start getting a bit older & walking & more interested in things, the day trips & new experiences shared together certainly makes up for anything else lost / changed.

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 30/05/2019 18:45

It’s normal to feel this way, kids really turn your life upside down. I was a bit older when I had my first baby (27) but it was still a huge shock to the system. I’m a very honest person though and will happily tell people the parts of parenthood that I dislike (and there are many).

It does get easier when they start going to bed at 7pm and leaving you alone for the rest of the evening. Lord do I need those evenings!

Swipe left for the next trending thread