To miss my old life before I had a baby?

[CobaltRose96]

Hi all.

I’m a FTM to my amazing 11 week old DD. I love her to bits and wouldn’t be without her now, but sometimes I cannot help but reminisce about my old life and the freedom I had. I could just grab my keys and go out without a second thought. Now I have to take DD and what seems like the kitchen sink! 😂

I’m a fairly young mum (just turned 23, was 22 when I had her) and none of my friends have children. Well, those that still speak to me anyway (most of my friends stopped talking to me once I got pregnant). It sucks, but my DD is well worth it! But I must admit that I sometimes envy the freedom they have. Part of me feels guilty for missing my old life as no amount of fun or socialising could even remotely compare to my daughter, but surely I cannot be the only one?

My DD is a very much planned for and wanted baby (she came after two devastating miscarriages) and I utterly adore her, but sometimes I miss my old life!

Pics just because she’s adorable ❤️

I felt and still sometimes feel this way. But now I'm back at work I do feel abit like my old self again. I felt so guilty aswell but it's just a passing thought and it's natural I mean your whole life changes dramatically. Your baby is absolutely beautiful btw xxxx

She's adorable 😍
It will soon be the new normal

@bridgetreilly so patronising!

OP, I feel the same.

I feel the same at times & I'm a first time mum at 36. Think it's normal, it's such a life changing thing.

Your wee baby is just adorable

She’s so beautiful 😍

I know exactly how you feel. I remember reading somewhere that other cultures (mostly historical) are/were much better at helping parents (well mothers) ‘mourn’ their old lives and prepare themselves for the new. It’s the biggest life change you’ll ever go through. It’s natural to find it tough.

This a stealth boast to post a photo of your incredibly gorgeous baby isn’t it?

@Whatthefoxgoingon LOL, honestly no! I mean, I think she’s gorgeous but of course I would, wouldn’t I!

I felt exactly the same and I think it's totally normal to feel the way you are. I was 25 when I had my LG (she's 14 months old now) and like you none of my friends have babies. I have never felt so isolated and lonely in my whole life, although I loved her (and still do obviously) so much I did miss my old life and felt so guilty about this. I feel so much better now though and don't miss my old life at all now (apart my old sleep routine!!!!), I now know who my true friends are and have made new friends through taking my LG to playgroups etc. Your LG is beautiful and I'm sure your friends will start having babies soon enough and catch up with you.

I was thinking about this tonight and wished I some more time for myself. My youngest has been ill all week so not slept well and been very clingy. I have to carry on but not had much sleep so look awful and we are at a wedding on sat. Which I am not looking forward to as will be rushing trying to get myself ready with a clingy baby will be hard work keeping them happy all day and getting the youngest to nap at a wedding somehow.
Would be so much easier been able to go without kids and would be able to enjoy it more. But they are amazing, just hard work.

Normal
.It’s a relatively short period though before life doesn’t revolve around them.

I used to be a nanny so actually life was no different really. It’s a long haul to toddler, to school, to primary, to secondary but every stage means independence.By 16they are totally their own people.

I was 20 when I had my first and gradually started getting my life back until the balance was about right and I had a great social life by the time I was 30, by 35 I missed being needed and started all over again! It’s so hard when you feel nostalgic for your carefree days but, with the benefit of hindsight, you will definitely look back on this as the happiest time of your life. You’re not missing out on anything that you won’t be able to do again really soon!

Completely normal. She is adorable btw. Have you been to baby groups yet? I made lots of new friends that way. None of my friends have babies either so find it hard too xx

My dp has gone on holiday on his own for 10 days and baby is teething. I'm loosing my mind and its only day 2!
Your doing great. Get out and bbay socialise, get on the swings or go to groups.
My firneds have kids but there kids are teenagers, so it's just as hard.
Make sure you get out to shake off the bbay blues

Thank you all! I've been to a few baby groups and they've been lovely, but sometimes it's hard to relate as most of the other mums are at least 10 years older than me and have older children as well as babies.

I'm going back to uni in September and whilst I will miss DD terribly I must admit to looking forward to having some adult conversation again! 😂

Don’t feel guilty, your love for dd comes across strong. It’s really ok to feel two opposing things, like loving her yet missing your freedom. Suddenly your time is not your own, that takes quite some adjusting to.
It wasn’t till I had my second 2 years later that I felt properly in the swing of family life , at least some of the time.

I used to watch other mums at toddler groups who looked contented and try to see how they did it. Like you none of my friends had kids.
I wasn’t used to planning, preparation, or being very organised, I’d never needed to be. There was a sense of satisfaction in all that once I wrapped my head around it.

But mainly you have to really work to carve out time for yourself, and ignore any guilt.

But your dd is absolutely gorgeous, well done x

Thank you! Met some other mums at a local pub today. Little one’s first ever time in a pub! I think she enjoyed it

Ohhhh Cobalt I remember those early days well. I stood at the kitchen sink one day looking out at the garden and crying and wondering what the hell I'd done. It is hard and relentless. Mine is 20 months now and its so much easier. Not easy but easier, she is a little person with opinions and a sense of humour. Once you can have a laugh with them it becomes a bit more fun. It is such a short time and although it seems endless when you're in the thick of it I promise you your head will eventually stop spinning. I'm youngish too, 27 when she was born and on hard days I like to think about all the things I'm going to do in my 30's and 40's as she gets older. Things with her and things without her. Thats the beauty of being a bit young.
Definitely recommend meeting other mums, Mush is good for that. It may take a while to find mums you click with, after all you are still just people who happen to have babies, whos to say you have anything in common? But once you find those other mums who are your kind of people you will feel so much better to have someone to sound off with.
Your little girl is absolutely perfect, well done mama you're doing a great job.

Thanks everyone for all the kind responses! It’s good to know others felt similar. I adore my DD but it can be hard and relentless! But she’s such a smiley, happy little soul already that it makes it well worth it ❤️

She lovely. Glad your getting out there.
It's soulless sometimes esp when you've been up all night and got work or no help.
It gets better.

I remember that feeling. Obviously I had a fair idea how my freedom would be restricted before I had babies. But there was one particular night when I'd put my first to bed and sat down and realised that I'd have to stay in every night for the foreseeable future. It just sort of hit me. Before that we pop out all the time, whenever we fancied and we just can't do that anymore. I've come to terms with it 😂

What a gorgeous baby! Awww xx

I felt the same. I remember looking wistfully at a group of women in the park laughing together and drinking beer and feeling sad that I couldn't just while away Saturday afternoon in the park. It's strange how those first few months after my first, even in my memory feel like they went on forever. Despite the fact I had no PND and loved my pfb so much! I have nothing useful to add apart from the fact that it gets easier you never get your exact old carefree life back but you get more of the freedom that you used to enjoy but with a load of extra fun stuff into the mix too.