To miss my old life before I had a baby?

[CobaltRose96]

Hi all.

I’m a FTM to my amazing 11 week old DD. I love her to bits and wouldn’t be without her now, but sometimes I cannot help but reminisce about my old life and the freedom I had. I could just grab my keys and go out without a second thought. Now I have to take DD and what seems like the kitchen sink! 😂

I’m a fairly young mum (just turned 23, was 22 when I had her) and none of my friends have children. Well, those that still speak to me anyway (most of my friends stopped talking to me once I got pregnant). It sucks, but my DD is well worth it! But I must admit that I sometimes envy the freedom they have. Part of me feels guilty for missing my old life as no amount of fun or socialising could even remotely compare to my daughter, but surely I cannot be the only one?

My DD is a very much planned for and wanted baby (she came after two devastating miscarriages) and I utterly adore her, but sometimes I miss my old life!

Pics just because she’s adorable ❤️

Just want to say she’s a gorgeous wee poppet - and it’s completely normal !

I felt exactly the same and was in a nearly identical situation to you (22 when I was pregnant, 23 when ds was born, most of my friends dropped off the face of the earth and the ones that didn't had no kids).

I missed my old life so much I regretted having ds some days. I felt so trapped and isolated it was awful.

Ds is five now and I really think my life is far better with him in it. I have made new friends and have a lovely life now better and more fulfilled than my childless ex friends

The early years are tough though and it's such a drastic change it can be a real struggle to get your head around.

And your daughter is very very cute!

Oh op. It's so so normal. I used to love Friday afternoons at work, looking forward to a late night with a lovely lie in the next day. Now, I look forward to a 9pm bedtime and a 5am start on Saturday morning. I have an 18 month old and still miss my old life!

Try and find time to do things by yourself. In a few weeks dh and I are going away for a weekend on our own while ds stays at the in laws. I cannot wait for the break although I know I'll miss him like mad.

Parenting is fucking relentless. Don't be hard on yourself.

By the way, your daughter is beautiful

What a beautiful baby girl!

I think absolutely every parent feels this way ( and if they say they don’t they are probably lying!). It is seriously hard work going from a young, independent adult to having to schedule leaving the house.

My daughter is my world. I wouldn’t change her for anything but my life is different now. What you need to do is embrace it- go to family friendly places, accept your limitations with a baby. I remember DH and I going to a fancy steak restaurant when DD was a 9 week old with colic- we spent the whole time walking around outside trying to get the baby to sleep. It was ridiculous and so stressful!

I’m a youngish Mum too (26 when I had her), and I like the fact that by the time we’re in our 30’s we’ll have more freedom as she will be older. I definitely wouldn’t want a newborn in my 40’s!

Have you read the unmumsy Mum? I got her book from my local library and really enjoyed it. She says what we’re all thinking but scared to admit!

Oh and p.s you need to make Mum friends! Try a couple of baby groups or join Mush.

Thanks all!

Good to know it’s very normal! I adore my DD and she’s a very easy baby, but my life is SO different now. I made a few mum friends when I went to the local children’s centre to get DD weighed, but they’re all considerably older than me and have other children too, so it can be hard to relate sometimes (aside from commiserating about our lack of sleep! ).

I always thought it was the on/off button and the home button that rebooted an iPhone? I’ve never done it with the volume button.

Oops wrong thread!

Normal. I was 35 with my first and I regularly still feel pangs for old life which was very full/busy.
I adore my son but its a massive shock to the system.

@SoyDora, oops!

Its perfectly normal to feel like that so don't worry. Having children is the most responsible thing you can do as an adult, and you're bound to have reflective thoughts about what if.

Yep, YANBU - I felt the same too.

I was the first of my group of friends to have children and was 26 and 27 when my DDs were born, so just a little older than you. They're now 10 and 12 and I'm getting some 'me time' back again now - lie ins are back on the table for a start, hurrah!

I'm not yet 40, but I can leave my kids on their own for a bit if I need to pop to the shop or to drop something at my Mum's, they're old enough to have activities that they like to do which don't need constant supervision (they can go swimming without a grown up, go to the park together, pop to the shop etc.)

Many of my friends have only started having children in the last year or two and honestly, I can't imagine starting the baby phase now! I know lots of women enjoy being older Mums for myriad reasons, but for me, I'm glad I had them relatively early. All things being equal, the youngest will be 18 and off to University when I'm in my mid-40's and many of my friends will have toddlers...!

She's lovely where do you live? I'll be your mum friend btw I'm late 30's and it's no easier, no judgment

@bitchfromhell (love the username ), I live in Suffolk

Ach you're a million miles away, you'll make new friends though. I'm waiting for that to happen myself, but the babies will make friends who will have mums and that will be that.

@bitchfromhell, very true. Seems like it’ll be a million years before she’ll be old enough to make friends, but it really isn’t!

I have no advice, but just found out I'm pregnant with my first, I'm just about to turn 13 so were similar on that respect.

Any tips or tricks for me to know OP?!

P.S Your 'old' life isn't a negative. You can still do most of the things you could before, it just takes a little more planning. :) Your little girl is beautiful!

I'm actually about to turn 23.... not 13

@PregnantOnPurpose, congrats! I assume (HOPE...) that 13 was a typo and you’re actually almost 23

Definitely don’t bother writing a rigorous birth plan. I did and none of it went the way I was expecting! It wasn’t a bad birth, just very different from how I anticipated

Ah, cross post! Glad that was a typo!

Have you read the unmumsy mum op? I know it's hard to find time to read sometimes though! It talks about how it's ok to miss your old life sometimes. All the best

While you might miss your old life now, there are so, so many good things about being a young mum that don’t present themselves as such at the time.

Just think how young you’ll still be when she leaves home for work/uni - then you can start being wild all over again 😂

What a beautiful little girl

OP I remember you from the TTC and pregnancy forums.

Your daughter is stunning, congrats.