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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

altercation with neighbour what to do

86 replies

cupofcaj · 30/05/2019 07:16

Me and my DH (27 and 30) are currently living somewhere where we must share the laundry facilities with one neighbour (live on the same property but separate houses, so to speak). We weren't very much taken by the couple living next door, whenever we walked passed and said hello they looked the other way. At first I thought they were shy, but they always make such a racket when they come home late at night, particularly the woman who is screeching down the phone in another language (I think they are Pakistani) and are just very loud in general.
Anyway, whenever I wanted to do my washing, the laundry was always full of their stuff. I would go back at another time and it would still be there. They seem to fill up the washing machine, put it on a 3 hour cycle, leave it there for a couple of days, then top it off with more stuff and run it through again. This can go on for a whole week. I tried knocking on their door a few times but they didn't answer. In the end I got fed up and removed the clothing myself, and just put it in a basket next to the machine. I did this a couple of times. Then one morning I heard her go in the laundry room, scream in anger and kick something, then she came knocking on my door. I didn't answer straight away (was in the middle of something) then she started banging on all the windows until I answered.
She proceed to yell at me how dare I touch her washing, I'm always messing with her stuff, she never had any problem with anyone before I "showed" up.
She was extremely threatening in her voice and gestures (she waving her fists around), I felt shocked and just awful.
I said that I needed to do my washing too, and that I don't think she should take that tone with me. I asked her when had she put that stuff in the machine (knowing it had been sitting there for 3 days) She went all flustered for a moment then said OH! I think I put it in last night (lies). She said she needed to soak her clothes for at least 12 hours. I told her if she wants to do that she can use a bucket so she's not occupying the machine but she didn't respond, she just continued shouting at me and said "Don't you dare, EVER, touch my things again!" and stormed off.
After this I was in tears and called my DH. We spoke to our landlord that day and relayed everything. He said he's aware she does this as he's seen her stuff left in there, and that the tenants before had the same problem with her.
Anyway, in the end our landlord send her a message about it, and she replied saying it must be our stuff, it wasn't her!
My husband went to speak with her husband and he just said he didn't know anything about it, which I know isn't true.
It's not even about having such restricted access to the washing machine anymore, its their behaviour.
I keep thinking - maybe I was wrong to remove their laundry from the machine - I know it's not the most pleasant thing having someone else touch your stuff. But I feel like her reaction and lies were uncalled for.
I do not feel at peace here anymore, I dread seeing them and every time I hear them I tense up.
Do you think I was in the wrong as well? What should I do now?

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 30/05/2019 07:25

Is it not possible to get your own machine? In all honesty it sounds completely hellish.

LizziesTwin · 30/05/2019 07:25

From my experience if someone has left clean damp clothes in the washing machine and not removed them there is nothing wrong with someone else putting the items in a clean laundry basket. Where my aunt lives there’s a chalkboard on the front of each machine and you have to write your flat number on it so the tenants know to whom the items belong.

Daisydo48 · 30/05/2019 07:27

I don't think you were in the wrong at all i would have done the same. No one should leave clothes in a washing machine for 3 days they'll just need re-washing. I would knock her door and try asking her to remove her clothes after cycle has finished if she didn't I'd continue moving her clothes and putting them in the basket until she gets the point. If she starts screaming at you again I'd voice record her and send it to the landlord.

ispepsiok · 30/05/2019 07:30

I'd throw her clothes on the floor next time after that behaviour!

Bigmango · 30/05/2019 07:30

She sounds mental. Sorry you have to deal with that. Normally I’d suggest a rota but not sure she sounds the reasonable type. Keep taking her stuff out and laugh at her when she goes off on one.

cupofcaj · 30/05/2019 07:31

LizziesTwin Thats exactly what I did, put it in a clean basket.
Once I had to run the clothes through and then took it out cause she'd left the clothes in the washing machine full of water for 3 days. I know that's not ideal but it's no good to leave clothes like that anyway...

OP posts:
Stressedout10 · 30/05/2019 07:32

Ignore her she's batshit

cupofcaj · 30/05/2019 07:34

Bigmango She suggested I should call her anytime I wanted to do her washing which I found ridiculous, to be honest. As if it were to get her permission?
Yeah a rota might work in some cases I agree but even putting aside her being so unreasonable, there's no dryer here so I can only really wash stuff on a good weather day, and also when the rest of the line isn't taken up by other people. So it's all very impractical!

OP posts:
humblesims · 30/05/2019 07:34

Dont allow this to get you down. Show her you will not be intimidated, by removing her washing whenever it has been there too long and dont take any shit from her. If she starts a row about it just shut the door on her. Pretend you give no shits.

cupofcaj · 30/05/2019 07:37

Daisydo48 Good idea. It's just getting the balls to knock on the door :( I wish I wasn't so timid.
Exactly, it needs rewashing, which is why she leaves stuff, then after a few days runs it through again and so on, it's so wasteful aswell!

ispepsiok That's what my hubby said lol.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 30/05/2019 07:41

Can you not get your own washing machine?

cupofcaj · 30/05/2019 07:44

ZeroFuchsGiven That would be nice but I don't think it's worth it, we are only planning to be here another 6-12 months.

OP posts:
OKBobble · 30/05/2019 07:45

Seriously just remove her stuff as you did before each time if you need to wash your stuff. She will soon either start collecting her stuff or she won't. Simply don't engage with any rants.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 30/05/2019 07:48

You can put up with this for another 6-12 months? Seriously just get a washer, you can take it with you

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/05/2019 07:50

I’d contact the ll every time you want to do a wash and the machine is occupied with her stuff. Take photos of it full. Make it the lls problem. They’re being lazy. You are renting a place with use of a washing machine albeit shared. The ll know there is a problem with the other tenants. Either the ll sorts it out or they provide you with a separate machine.

pilates · 30/05/2019 07:52

If you can’t buy a washing machine I would have to move. I couldn’t put up with that nonsense.

billybagpuss · 30/05/2019 07:52

we are only planning to be here another 6-12 months.

Seriously with those neighbours I’d adjust that to shorter.

Removing completely washing like that is common place in shared laundry facilities especially in hotels and things like that. I know it’s hard but you have to start removing it every time and let the LL know every time she kicks up a fuss. Refuse to engage.

Boysey45 · 30/05/2019 07:53

I'd drop a note through the door and tell her that if she carries on like this ever again then you are going to phone the police and mean it. It sounds really frightening and why should you be intimidated in your own home?

Pinkyyy · 30/05/2019 07:53

OP if you buy a washing machine you aren't only going to use it for 6-12 months, you'll obviously take it with you wherever you go. Where I imagine you'll need one anyway as after this experience, you won't put yourself in the same situation again by choosing somewhere with shared facilities.

Kedgeree · 30/05/2019 07:53

6-12 months and it isn't worth getting your own machine? You're prepared to put up with this inconvenience and stress for up to a year rather than solve it in one day? Righto.

Hullygully · 30/05/2019 07:54

I'd write to them setting out plainly and simply that their use of the machine is unreasonable, that their behaviour is unacceptable and that you will remove the washing to use the machine if it is left sitting there.

Copy to the landlord and ask for acknowledgment from both that they have received and understood.

cupofcaj · 30/05/2019 07:56

Mummyoflittledragon You're right...I will have to start collecting evidence though because they will lie about it, even though the LL has seen a few times.
Also they both really suck up to the LL's family and are overly friendly with them and have turned their noses up at us from the beginning Angry I guess they are being manipulative ?

OP posts:
cupofcaj · 30/05/2019 08:05

Kedgeree I will talk to my DH about getting one... It solves the problem of the washing machine but now I will always feel uncomfortable. The only thing that will solve that is moving, I guess.

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 30/05/2019 08:06

Why does she want to leave her laundry in a machine? that's minging!

In a shared house your laundry would be removed if it had finished and someone else needed to use the machine. i'd get the landlord to stick a sign up to that effect so she knows she's no right to monopolise the machine when she isn't actually using it. She's not got a leg to stand on! she needs to be respectful of the fact that it is a shared facility!

Jboure · 30/05/2019 08:07

She has no class and no manners. Don't let her behaviour affect you. And you cant argue with stupid so save your energy.