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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

altercation with neighbour what to do

86 replies

cupofcaj · 30/05/2019 07:16

Me and my DH (27 and 30) are currently living somewhere where we must share the laundry facilities with one neighbour (live on the same property but separate houses, so to speak). We weren't very much taken by the couple living next door, whenever we walked passed and said hello they looked the other way. At first I thought they were shy, but they always make such a racket when they come home late at night, particularly the woman who is screeching down the phone in another language (I think they are Pakistani) and are just very loud in general.
Anyway, whenever I wanted to do my washing, the laundry was always full of their stuff. I would go back at another time and it would still be there. They seem to fill up the washing machine, put it on a 3 hour cycle, leave it there for a couple of days, then top it off with more stuff and run it through again. This can go on for a whole week. I tried knocking on their door a few times but they didn't answer. In the end I got fed up and removed the clothing myself, and just put it in a basket next to the machine. I did this a couple of times. Then one morning I heard her go in the laundry room, scream in anger and kick something, then she came knocking on my door. I didn't answer straight away (was in the middle of something) then she started banging on all the windows until I answered.
She proceed to yell at me how dare I touch her washing, I'm always messing with her stuff, she never had any problem with anyone before I "showed" up.
She was extremely threatening in her voice and gestures (she waving her fists around), I felt shocked and just awful.
I said that I needed to do my washing too, and that I don't think she should take that tone with me. I asked her when had she put that stuff in the machine (knowing it had been sitting there for 3 days) She went all flustered for a moment then said OH! I think I put it in last night (lies). She said she needed to soak her clothes for at least 12 hours. I told her if she wants to do that she can use a bucket so she's not occupying the machine but she didn't respond, she just continued shouting at me and said "Don't you dare, EVER, touch my things again!" and stormed off.
After this I was in tears and called my DH. We spoke to our landlord that day and relayed everything. He said he's aware she does this as he's seen her stuff left in there, and that the tenants before had the same problem with her.
Anyway, in the end our landlord send her a message about it, and she replied saying it must be our stuff, it wasn't her!
My husband went to speak with her husband and he just said he didn't know anything about it, which I know isn't true.
It's not even about having such restricted access to the washing machine anymore, its their behaviour.
I keep thinking - maybe I was wrong to remove their laundry from the machine - I know it's not the most pleasant thing having someone else touch your stuff. But I feel like her reaction and lies were uncalled for.
I do not feel at peace here anymore, I dread seeing them and every time I hear them I tense up.
Do you think I was in the wrong as well? What should I do now?

OP posts:
Idontwanttotalk · 30/05/2019 09:21

I would give notice to the LL that you will definitely be leaving at the end of your contracted tenancy. Start looking for somewhere else to live. This may give the LL the push he needs to deal with this issue properly (as he has noticed and he knows previous tenant has the same problem).

I presume the shared laundry area is because you don't have room in your own kitchen. Where would you put a washing machine if you bought one? Would this other tenant not just use that aswell?

If your neighbour went to a launderette she would definitely have her washing taken out of the machine and put in a basket if she wasn't there. She's taking the pee.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 30/05/2019 09:24

Can you kill her with kindness (I know it might stick in your craw) and take her stuff out, do yours, then puts her back in?

Orangeballon · 30/05/2019 09:29

Neighbours can be a problem. The landlord knows about this problem, carry on removing laundry. She will get the message.

morallybankruptme · 30/05/2019 09:32

Can you get your own machine?when we were homeless a few years ago we had to share a machine and it was awful. I have a washer dryer ( our actual dryer died a few weeks ago) and it's wonderful

Idontwanttotalk · 30/05/2019 09:34

@OopsIHidItAgain

"Not sure her being Pakistani is relevant whatsoever though OP hmm"
Most posters write info that isn't necessarily relevant in their posts. OP didn't need to say she and her partner are 27 and 30 but I note you didn't comment on the relevance of that. Do you point out to every single poster when they add extra info or are you trying to imply this poster is racist?

OP hasn't said anything wrong. If she wants to just give additional info then so what? What happened to free speech?

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 30/05/2019 09:37

I would just take the path of least resistance and say to her “okay you don’t want me to touch your things. Fine. name 3 days of the week when I can access the washing machine. I expect access midnight to midnight and for none of your washing to be there”

Yubaba · 30/05/2019 09:39

We used to live in a flat with a laundry room, we had 2 machines and 2 dryers for 8 flats, we had no plumbing in the flat itself for a washing machine so couldn’t have fitted our own even if we’d wanted to.
I would just keep emptying the machine whenever you want to use it, otherwise you’ll never be able to do any washing at all.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 30/05/2019 09:40

Just ignore her and keep emptying the machine. If she kicks off, film/record her and inform the police and landlord. She has no right to carry on like this about a shared facility.

RhiWrites · 30/05/2019 09:40

The landlord is supposed to provide laundry facilities. Take it back to him. Say unless he speaks to this woman regarding her hogging the facilities to resolve the situation you need him to provide you with your own machine.

BlackPrism · 30/05/2019 09:41

We did this all the time at uni. It was a known thing that if you left your stuff in there too long it would be removed. I'd keep doing it but make sure you collect yours sharpish as she may damage it in retaliation.

Sarahjconnor · 30/05/2019 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coffeeandbiscuittime · 30/05/2019 09:48

ask the landlord to put notices up to say if clothes are left in the machine for more than ten minutes after the completion of the cycle they will be removed ,therefore allowing the machine to be used by the next person.

Qweenbee · 30/05/2019 09:49

I'd get the LL to allocate specific laundry days. She can have 4 and you 3. Then if there is washing in there on "your" day she can't complain if you move it.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/05/2019 09:54

She is being entirely U.

The LL should IMO take action with a very clear notice about using the machine, after speaking to her in no uncertain terms.

If he won't, then I'd just tell her - as calmly as possible - that if she persists in leaving her washing in the machine, you will have no option but to remove it.

Easier said than done, I know, but try to ignore her shouting and abuse. It's a favourite weapon of downright unpleasant people who think bullying will make the other person back down, no matter how U they are being. And unfortunately, all too often it works, so of course they go on doing it.
We have a neighbour who has sometimes resorted to bullying and intimidation, so I do speak from experience.

Sarahjconnor · 30/05/2019 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoafofSellotape · 30/05/2019 10:33

The LL just needs to put up a notice staying washing must not be left in the machine after the cycle has finished. No need for specific laundry days.

onalongsabbatical · 30/05/2019 10:41

The LL just needs to put up a notice staying washing must not be left in the machine after the cycle has finished. No need for specific laundry days. ha ha ha ha ha - yeah, that'll work.
No evidence OP is dealing with the type of person who follows rules, obeys signs, understands norms/cooperation. None at all.

LoafofSellotape · 30/05/2019 10:43

No evidence OP is dealing with the type of person who follows rules, obeys signs, understands norms/cooperation. None at all

I was responding to the pp who suggested separate laundry days.

At least with a notice the OP can just refer to it rather than try and engage with the woman.

Smelborp · 30/05/2019 10:44

Remove the washing every time. If she threatens you, report her to the landlord and if bad enough, the police.

KarenBeck · 30/05/2019 10:44

If her wash load has finished it's normal practice with shared laundry facilities to remove the load into a basket. The washing machine will start to get slimey and damp and smell if it's left full for days. The landlord should really have stepped in and put a notice up or notes through tenants doors to state clearly if your washing is done, you remove it or the other tenants can. It's not your responsibility to battle it out and have this aggressive woman intimidate you. If it happens again I would make it clear to her that by shouting and getting in your space she's actually guilty of assault. Don't be afraid to ring the police if you genuinely feel scared or if she's aggressive again. Get the lazy landlord to post the rules.

WonderWorm · 30/05/2019 11:08

What sort of setup is it. A shared laundry block? Why do you need to share facilities? I don't understand why the landlord doesn't put a washer dryer in the house you're in.
What a nightmare.

Redred2429 · 30/05/2019 11:32

If you are comfortable with it I would ask the landlord for set laundry days

Antigon · 30/05/2019 11:39

particularly the woman who is screeching down the phone in another language (I think they are Pakistani)

I have ZERO sympathy for you OP after this comment. You did NOT need to say she's Pakistani.

I would love to hear her side of the story.

slipperywhensparticus · 30/05/2019 11:41

Tell the landlord if this persists you expect the laundry to be discounted from your rent or your service charge so you can use the money for a laundrette

INeedAFlerken · 30/05/2019 11:45

YOu have done nothing wrong and I would refuse to be bullied.

Continue to take their clothing out and place it in a clean basket or on a clean surface if they leave it there like that. You are entitled to use the facilities just as much as they are, and you should both be considerate about it. If they're not being considerate, just carry on and refer them to your landlord.

If they become abusive, call the police re harassment.