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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know who to believe?

96 replies

Nightoutasap · 30/05/2019 04:26

Sorry, long one, 3.45am post due to jet lag!
Just returned from a trip to New York with DH, DS1 (13) DS2 (11) DD (6). All had a fab time.
On our final day (2 days ago), we had quite a long gap from checking out of our hotel and needing to get a cab to the airport. We just mooched about. I needed to take an item back to a shop close by, DH and children waited in a Starbucks nearby. I returned to Starbucks, and they were just finishing. We still had some time to kill so we went for a walk before returning to hotel to get our bags and leave. Just as we arrived at hotel, I checked my phone and I received a message from a stranger saying he (or his wife had) seen my husband and children leave Starbucks but they thought that one of the boys had left a rucksack. It also said they would be there for a short time. Sure enough, DS1 did not have his bag on him. The rucksack contained both his and his brothers Beats headphones, his sisters IPad (which doesn’t have a pass key, so I assume this is how the stranger got my email address), and a couple of chargers. DS and I quickly ran back to Starbucks whilst DH and I both emailed the stranger back. When we arrived, nobody was there, and the rucksack had not been handed in. At this point we thought either the stranger had taken it with them or had left it there and somebody else had taken it. DS was visibly upset in Starbucks and another stranger from the UK offered to send it back to us if it was found before his return. He gave me his number.
By this point we had to leave to catch the flight. DS 1 sobbed the entire way to the airport. At check in, my husband received an email from the person who found it saying that he didn’t want to hand it in to Starbucks as the bag contained high value items. He gave us the exact address of a police station it was taken to, very close to the area it was lost. Obviously we thanked him, and knowing that another person was willing to collect it (and the hotel we stayed in had offered to help as well), we thought there was a reasonable chance of seeing the bag again.
After we arrived home earlier today, we called the police office to determine that they had the bag and to arrange for it to be handed over. They were adamant it had not been handed in. They said it was likely to have been handed in to another station, which was closer, but I thought this was unlikely as the exact address had been given, and google maps shows me there is virtually no difference at all between the two stations in terms of distance. Checked with the other station anyway and it is not there.
DH contacted the stranger again, who was pretty surprised. He gave more details about the physical appearance of who he handed the bag to, which were fairly specific - but did not include a name. He also was not given a receipt. However, he was able to give the time, the appearance of the officer who took the bag, the appearance of another officer who was on the same desk, and also said that the captain of the department was on the stairs saying goodbye to a reporter, and they caught each other’s eye, which I think are quite specific details. I called the police again, but they are adamant that the person would have been given a receipt, and they don’t have it....however, why would the stranger be so helpful if it had not been handed in. He emailed my husband again last night saying that he was staying close by so could return to the police station, and suggested we call them again at that particular time (24 hours after it was handed in, as the same officers might be on shift and therefore more likely to be able to shed some light). The stranger always responds quickly to my husband, is very willing to help and is incredulous that the police don’t have the item. However, we are very aware that this person is probably on holiday and we don’t want to keep harassing him.
Other details not mentioned are that the stranger only responds to my husbands emails (perhaps mine go to his junk?) and I think he is not American as he uses the word “rucksack” - which the Americans don’t use. Also, when I gave the specific details of what the officer looked like, (sex, hair length and colour, accent, tattoos), it was very clear that the officer on the phone had an idea of who this officer could be but was not able to give me any further help...
So......either the police have made a mistake and have not logged the item properly, the police have taken the bag (I think this is unlikely, but they are adamant it wasn’t handed in, or, we are being led on a wild goose chase by an apparently extremely helpful Good Samaritan....what do you reckon?

OP posts:
OLP2019 · 30/05/2019 07:45

I think it's hard to believe for a normal person but there are weirdos out there that would find it fun to dick you around - this "Good Samaritan" probably has your stuff and intends to keep it but decided to have some amusement at your expense .
You and I would like to believe this is prob a legit person and a mistake by the police station but there are too many red flags including them staying anonymous and only replying to your DH.
It's hard to get your head around the idea someone would do this but sadly there are a lot of weirdos in the world
I'd stop engaging with them now and claim the lost items as stolen with insurance and move on

fc301 · 30/05/2019 07:45

Your DS left a bag of valuables on the floor of a NY cafe. It is now lost. All the rest is just flifflaf.

Kedgeree · 30/05/2019 07:48

I think he's trying to engage you in order to find out sufficient info to be able to rob you further via the iPad. I mean, really, why bother otherwise? You've left the country, which is why the police aren't putting much effort into it. Claim on your insurance.

BlingLoving · 30/05/2019 07:49

The stranger is trolling you, or it's a scam - next thing he'll be asking for money to get the iPad back or something. It's too convoluted and complicated and quite frankly, none of it rings true. No least of which is why he didn't just leave it in Starbucks in the first place as you were on your way back. Sorry.

I also find it quite odd that you're willing to believe a complete stranger, who took your bag and was supposedly so helpful but couldn't wait 5 minutes for you to get back to starbucks over the police? As a rule, I work on the assumption that most police are just trying to do a good job serving their local community and while clearly there are bad ones, I would not usually assume that items handed in are being routinely stolen.

Make sure you wipe the iPad. I see no reason why your insurance won't cover the cost of the items so I'd claim and chalk it up to experience for you and your DS who was supposed to be carrying said rucksack. I'd also be wondering if the bag left starbucks before you did.

BlingLoving · 30/05/2019 07:50

kedgeree - could point. I thought he'd be asking for money. But he doesn't need to if he gets all your various details then starts trying to steal your identity. You were targeted. Wipe iPad. Stop engaging with this guy.

Pearlfish · 30/05/2019 07:50

I too think this stranger is likely to blame (rather than the police). You’ll probably never know for sure though. Forget it and move on.

Nightoutasap · 30/05/2019 07:50

The only information the person could have got from the iPad was my own email address. The children have no access to any credit card details online and have to ask remote permission to even install a free game on their iPads.
The only reason he is communicating with my husband is because I screen shot the email and sent it to my husband as soon as I got the email from the stranger. He emailed him as I ran back to Starbucks. He has since only conversed with my husband.
We have had 4 brief emails from him, the first to explain he had the bag and would wait “a short time” in Starbucks. The second in response to my husbands email to him, and explained that the bag had been handed in (he also explained that he wanted to hand it to the police as it contained valuable items), the third was in response to my husbands request for info about to whom it was handed into, the fourth to suggest that we call the police at that specific time as it was likely to be the same officers on duty as it was 24 hours later. He also offered to return to the police station if it remains unfound.

OP posts:
OLP2019 · 30/05/2019 07:51

Especially in light of the fact that the officer I spoke to recognised the description of the person it was handed into was this recognition confirmed or just them humming and haaing on the phone? It's not clear? If they said @ih* yes that's an exact description of officer brown" then it's a different story

Nightoutasap · 30/05/2019 07:53

Bling - by the time I read the email, the person would have left. After we finished in Starbucks we went for a walk for about an hour, before returning to the hotel. It was only at this point that I saw the email and we realised the bag was gone.

OP posts:
OLP2019 · 30/05/2019 07:54

He took the bag, looked in it and saw the iPad without a lock in it. We have Apple family, on the iPad, and it is clearly a child’s iPad (big thick pink rubber case with a handle and covered in sticky fingerprints probably). I am the admin on the Apple family account so I’m guessing he looked at my address and then sent the email from his Mac. also I consider myself pretty helpful however if I found this bag in Starbucks my first instinct would be to hand it in to staff expecting that the owners would shortly realize and return to that location. I can't imagine myself opening a bag, looking at an iPad and finding an email address... at all

Nightoutasap · 30/05/2019 07:56

OLP - the police officer said “I think I know who that is”.....i have assumed (possibly incorrectly) that the person who he thinks it is was no longer on shift.

OP posts:
Nightoutasap · 30/05/2019 07:57

OLP - that thought crossed my mind too. I would be too scared to open a rucksack left in a Starbucks - especially in the particular area of New York we were in.

OP posts:
OLP2019 · 30/05/2019 07:59

@Nightoutasap to be fair it prob described a lot of NYC officers and there is a good chance he was just dealing with a tourist in the normal way...sorry u lost your stuff and it's a hard lesson that not everyone is good
Pls make sure that the iPad isn't linked to anything like App Store or PayPal

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 30/05/2019 07:59

He could be a totally legit helpful person or as pp have said, a scammer having a laugh with you. But at this point I'd just draw a line under it and go for the insurance. No matter what happened, the police aren't suddenly going to say "Whoops, we DID receive that after all" so you're not getting it back either way.

Idontwanttotalk · 30/05/2019 08:01

Why would the man contact you at all if he was just going to steal it? I believe he handed it in to the police station. I just don't know what happened there.

What's to say the Police Officer hasn't stolen it?

buckeejit · 30/05/2019 08:01

Most weird. I'd thank stranger for his help but say you think it's a lost cause. If he's near the station, I might ask him to call in one last time then sack it off. Agree with wiping info from iPad. Good luck

SleepingIsOverrated · 30/05/2019 08:01

He thinks the bag could have been left by somebody before you, yet the email address he uses to contact was inside the bag?

I don't think this guy is quite as honest as he may seem Confused

OLP2019 · 30/05/2019 08:02

OLP - that thought crossed my mind too. I would be too scared to open a rucksack left in a Starbucks - especially in the particular area of New York we were in. trying to imagine the scenario of finding your bag even if I had seen you in there earlier - I would probably have run outside first to look for you in case you were still close by then I would have handed it in to staff with an explanation- I seriously can't imagine opening someone's bag and accessing their iPad like that.
At the MOST if I found a handbag on the street I might look for ID inside a wallet if I couldn't hand it in anywhere but accessing an iPad seems very odd to me

pasturesgreen · 30/05/2019 08:02

The thief stranger is either enjoying the kick he's getting out of trolling you, or is about to ask you for money and/or collecting information for an elaborate identity theft plan.

I'm also highly suspicious of all the details he seems to have noticed when he went into the police station. I mean, how could he possibly have known it was a reporter speaking with the 'Captain'? This, if done for real, was a go in, hand rucksack, get receipt, head back out job. The fact he noticed a myriad of details like haircut, tattoos, accents, who was where and talking with whom, is in itself suspicious.

TildaTurnip · 30/05/2019 08:04

I think I would believe the police over someone who rifles through left bags and leads you on a merry dance through NY.

AtSea1979 · 30/05/2019 08:06

This is very strange. I’d be inclined to think it’s the police who have made a mistake not the stranger lying but i’ve not got a good bull shit radar so i’m no help. I think you need to stop emailing the stranger as he’s either a loon or on holiday and continue to contact the police as they are at work and surely it’s on them to check a few things.

Boysey45 · 30/05/2019 08:08

I'd stop engaging now with the stranger and block him, hes a weirdo getting off on tormenting you.I'd try to claim on the insurance, if not then your son will just have to look after his things better in future and put it down to experience.

RedPink · 30/05/2019 08:09

I don’t think any of this sounds odd at all. I’d have done what the stranger did too. The fact he wasn’t issued a receipt at the police station doesn’t mean anything. - perhaps he was in a hurry or something.
You can’t know for sure but I don’t think the stranger sounds like he is messing you about.

If I were you OP, I would phone the police station again and hopefully next time you will get someone who can help.
Also, if one of your friends is close by and it’s not too much trouble then I’d ask if they could pop into the police station to ask too.

Maybe find a picture of the bag.
I would give it up for lost just yet.

There are lots of dishonest people about but also plenty who are happy to go out their way to help. I think the guy in Starbucks is in the latter category.

Good luck

drowningincustard · 30/05/2019 08:15

My bullshit radar says the stranger is the liar. Yes overworked police may cut corners and maybe it hasn't been logged in, and they are not going to spend time running around after your requests but isn't there an idiom about the most obvious answer is usually right. I think it applies in this case - a normal person would just hand a childrens bag in to the staff at the cafe - not start rifling through then opening electronic devices to look for contact details and then enter into a convoluted farce about going to police station instead and silly details about reporters and winking...

RedPink · 30/05/2019 08:16

OLP - that thought crossed my mind too. I would be too scared to open a rucksack left in a Starbucks - especially in the particular area of New York we were in

Why? The guy assumed it belonged to your family group 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s not like finding a random unaccompanied bag.

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