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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When did going for 'therapy' become a thing?

239 replies

Outofinspiration · 29/05/2019 21:34

I have noticed increasingly on Instagram etc that more and more people (Instamums and the like) are posting about their 'therapy' sessions. How amazing they are, how everyone should go to therapy blah blah blah. And in real life in the last few weeks 2 of my friends have brought up something their 'therapist' said about this or that.

I thought therapy was an American thing? Is it just a posher, less 'NHS' version of counselling, or is it something different?

Does anyone here go for 'therapy'? Am I missing a trick, is this something I should be doing?!

OP posts:
Sidalee7 · 30/05/2019 08:57

And my retired mother had CBT referred by the NHS.

Outofinspiration · 30/05/2019 08:59

To a great extent I treated it in the same way as I treat a long-standing back issue - it's not usually bad enough for me to go through the lengthy GP referral process (although I have been through that process a couple of times) but it's often niggling enough for me to pay privately for a couple of physio sessions. I'm fortunate to be able to afford to pay, but I don't consider that doing so is self-indulgent, although I suppose it is a luxury, in the sense that I could manage without it.

That's interesting - quite a few people I know seem to 'go to physio' a lot for various things, but this is something I've never done either. There have been a few times where I probably could have (back/neck stuff, leg strain etc) but it's never been 'bad' enough that I would actually go through with paying the money and although it's taken longer, it usually has resolved itself in the end. Its not in a heroic 'I dont need it, I'm going to power on through' way, just in a 'is this money worth spending' sort of way. But lots of people spend loads on private physio. And I think if it was that bad you would get NHS physio wouldn't you, I don't know actually?

Maybe I'm just a bit tight with money!!!

OP posts:
IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 30/05/2019 09:03

sidalee don't use money as an excuse???

200 quid is a whole week's wages for some ffs.

Maybe talk to your therapist about finding some empathy.

Sidalee7 · 30/05/2019 09:05

I was earning a lot less than 2400 net - it’s priorities as I said.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 30/05/2019 09:09

sidalee do you know what she spends her money on?

Do you know if she has caring duties, children, lives in an expensive area, has debts, is on a meter for gas/electric, lives rurally so spends a fortune on petrol, is a single parent? Or simply DOES NOT PRIORITISE her own mental health because that is what so many people cannot do because they lack confidence which is EXACTLY what therapy is for.

No. You don't.

You have no idea about her and essentially bullying her into getting therapy is just silly.

continuallychargingmyphone · 30/05/2019 09:09

Yeah, well, I prioritise the mortgage, council tax, broadband, food and my children Hmm

Sidalee7 · 30/05/2019 09:09

If 200 was your whole weeks wages you would get it on the NHS.

I have plenty of empathy thanks!

continuallychargingmyphone · 30/05/2019 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 30/05/2019 09:32

sidalee 6 sessions! Wow, that will sort out all my problems!

Come on...really. You do not have empathy. You cannot see this from any other perspective but your own.

NCasVOuting · 30/05/2019 09:36

I have diagnosed ptsd and severe anxiety disorder. I haven't been able to leave my house much for over two years. I was given six sessions of NHS CBT after waiting in serious distress for 22 months. They were an absolute joke.

Unfortunately as I have no income (can't claim anything as DH works a full time min wage job), I can't afford help. There is nothing more I can do, nothing more the NHS will do. They are happy to let me live the next 40-50 years of my life being terrified to leave my bedroom.

If you don't have the money, you can't just "find" it.

tympanic · 30/05/2019 09:43

It feels like quite a 'luxury' to be able to have a therapist?

Depends on whether you think having a healthy mind is less important to you than having a healthy body.

My husband has been against spending money on the "luxury" of therapy. As a result he has all but lost me and our son and is only now starting his luxurious therapy sessions to address deep-seated issues that manifest as anger and abuse. Mental health issues are like cancer. Left unaddressed they eat away at your psyche and your relationships until there's nothing left.

Therapy to treat the mind is as essential to good health and wellness as treating the body. Not in any estimation a luxury.

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 30/05/2019 09:45

Who knows if it a "thing" due to people having it, or due to people talking about it more as we are all encouraged to talk about mental health.

I had counselling in my 20s as I was suffering depression after a traumatic childhood. The counselling was through MIND and was not via my GP. It changed my life.

Recently, I lost my mum and was worried my depression would come come back, so I sought counselling again. This time though, I booked with a private physiotherapist who offered specialist bereavement therapy.

I chose a psychotherapist, over a therapist as they have more skills and qualifications, plus specialisms.

Some friends now I'm seeing the psychotherapist, but I wouldn't post it on social media, it's a step too far for me. Not that I judge those that do.

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 30/05/2019 09:47

@tympanic Agree!

As my post says above. I've just started therapy. But to afford this, I've had to temporarily knock my chiropractor appointments on the head, who I see for a slipped disc. I can't afford both appointments, but mental wellbeing is important.

insideoutsider · 30/05/2019 09:49

@jellycatspyjamas
If you relinquish your registration, then you're not registered then, are you? If you wanted a job as a psychotherapist at the NHS, you will have to have an active membership with the main bodies.

UKCP accredits many modalities of psychotherapy and certainly not just psychodynamic. If you look at their website even now, they have several training organisations which subscribe to a wide variety of leanings as listed here.

www.psychotherapy.org.uk/about-psychotherapy/types/

I did a course with chrysalis many years ago now and they were definitely providing these courses. Like many training organisations, they have had to align closer to the main bodies.

Anyone can call themselves anything - doesn't mean they are.

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 30/05/2019 09:49

@NCasVOuting not sure if you have even a small amount to spare?

But when I was seeing a counsellor at MIND, you only paid what you can afford. Not sure if that's still the case, so worth looking into, even if you can only afford £5-£10. Flowers

tympanic · 30/05/2019 09:55

Sorry to hear about your mum, @GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery. Flowers

I fully admit it's expensive, but don't at all consider it a luxury. More needs to be done to make it affordable for people.

My husband was always quick to dismiss therapy as a luxury but somehow always had money for far less important shit. Or to send money to his mum. But that's another thread...

I hope it helps him but suspect it's too late to keep the family together.

Best of luck with your therapy and good on you for making it happen @GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery.

Pandamodium · 30/05/2019 10:03

I do get it offered every year may on my sons anniversary (so specialist bereavement/PTSD shite) the waiting list is 6 months.

I've bi-polar and PTSD I've never ever had therapy despite psychiatric hospital stays. I can't afford private as my kids need shoes quite often.

I take the medication and I've been stable-ish 5 years.

MintySky · 30/05/2019 10:21

Hi OP,

I have read the whole thread and wanted to contribute. At first, I'll be honest, I read your post because I felt a little anger at the title and your OP. Then as I've read the rest I can see you have been honest about some stuff and I think there have been some interesting and positive contributions made, so thank you.
I would like to share with you my personal experience as I think it could shed light on some of your questions about the time, cost and 'need' element of your question. You said that although you would like to try therapy you haven't got the time. My response is that for some people there really isn't a choice. I'm my case, I had what I imagine they'd call a breakdown of some kind. I didn't see it coming but had lived in a completely unaware state for decades since my childhood. What I mean by "unaware" is that I wasn't living life consciously or in tune with my own self. I just did things robotically, and 'found' myself in situations, relationships, jobs, which were deeply unhealthy. I was a teacher and was putting on a front at work, being very efficient, whilst at home I was essentially dead inside. During one Easter holiday from school I sat for a week and just cried. I couldn't articulate why as I had no awareness of my own self or my psychology. In the end I took myself to the GP and thank goodness I did. The therapy quickly got me talking about my upbringing, and for the first few months the sessions were spent with me sobbing my heart out with my therapist. The client / therapist relationship is critical here. She sat there and didn't judge me as I cried and revealed my deepest vulnerabilities - things I'd not consciously thought to myself before. In my life I had NEVER experienced this before. I always kept a guard up and was never completely 100% "me" (or vulnerable) with anyone. The consistency of these sessions and of her objective, non-judgemental listening gradually enabled me to trust her. I slowly stopped needing to cry and started making sense of my behaviour, with her guidance. Having thought my upbringing was normal I learned to look at it objectively and see the child me as if it was a child standing right there in front of me. This helped me to look at my parents upbringing of me through a more objective stance learn where I had been let down by my parents. I won't go into the full details but there had been neglect and abuses I had never identified as happening to myself. And yet, in my work as a teacher I had worked with many pupils who had been abused and could identify it a mile off! But when it happens to you, you simply don't have the objectivity to know, and you need that objective therapist relationship to help you open your eyes to your own life experiences and to make sense of them. There was of course a clear pattern of me as a child being disregarded, and then me as an adult seeking out relationships where I felt disregarded- as that was my comfort zone and the only think I knew.
Anyway, I'm much better now. (7 years later). I went from having abusive relationships with men to loving myself, finding a job I love, and even meeting an amazing and mentally-healthy man to whom I'm now married! Therapy helped me get to this place, and now it's helping me to move forward and live the life I should have had when I was a younger woman.

Regarding your points about cost- at first I was referred via NHS. Then, I moved home and was told that in my new local area I was no longer entitled to NHS. I searched around and found a new therapist (psychotherapy) who offered low cost therapy. There was no means-testing- they just took my word for it that I couldn't afford full fees. (These places are available but it's not standardised as they are private practices). For the first three years I paid £5 a session. Then my therapist moved to set up her own practice and gave me advance warning that she would be increasing her rates, but she still offered me half price. So for the last few years I've attended fortnightly and paid £35 a session. Though that's a lot of money I believe it's saved my life. I don't pay gym membership for example- I workout at home instead, and just about find the money for therapy. But even if I was rock bottom broke (as I have been in the past) I would still do anything to pay for these sessions. It is an absolute priority for me, after mortgage and electricity. I'd eat baked beans all week if I needed to. So I think when you say you'd like to but can't afford to, to me it sounds like you don't really feel the need outweighs the sacrifice, (which is fine, and your choice to make), and not that it's "a luxury"....
Yeah- the main thing I am passionate about is that it is NOT a luxury. The comparison with physio is a good one. If someone had a back problem which hindered their daily life and made life very difficult, most people wouldn't begrudge them seeking physio. I would hope they would access NHS physio in this situation, but if they weren't able to for whatever reason that person would have to make a judgement call about whether to find the money to pay. This might mean sacrificing other actual luxuries if they felt that it was more important to become fully well and healthy.
I think your "friends" on Instagram are clouding the issue. Like many people on social media they are over simplifying something and making themselves come across as more into "self care" than they actually are- the same thing happens with gym, clean eating, home, fashion, etc. It's like when someone is super serious about physical fitness they exercise daily but don't shout about it- versus the people who only go to the gym to take selfies. These people are not reflecting the reality. Therapy itself is definitely NOT a fad and I urge you to look past the shallowness of these people and just ignore these posts.

If I was PM I would find the money to put therapy on NHS for everyone. When people say "everyone should have therapy" I think there's a truth in that actually- it's not realistic because it's not universally free, but if it was then I would recommend everyone go and learn about their own psychology and patterns of behaviour. Even if you were lucky enough to have a stable upbringing, you would no doubt learn something useful to live your life better.
If you are genuinely interested in educating yourself about this OP then I recommend a short 100 page book called "Counselling for Toads". It's written through the characters of Wind in the Willows and explains the therapeutic process simply and clearly.
I hope you have some sense about the value of therapy after starting this post OP. x

MintySky · 30/05/2019 10:22

Sorry that was so long @Outofinspiration 🙈

NCasVOuting · 30/05/2019 10:38

@getmeoffthiscycleofmisery

Unfortunately not, food comes first :(

I tried Mind in desperation. They said I'm too severe for anything that they can offer, which really sucks.

Those saying it's not a luxury - it really is.
Those saying it shouldn't be a luxury, I completely agree.

jellycatspyjamas · 30/05/2019 10:44

@jellycatspyjamas
If you relinquish your registration, then you're not registered then, are you? If you wanted a job as a psychotherapist at the NHS, you will have to have an active membership with the main bodies.
But there are many places that employ psychotherapists beyond the NHS and while most will require registration not all do. By contrast if I relinquish my social work registration I can’t work anywhere, offer private practice or call myself a social worker, because it’s a protected profession with clear, consistent qualification requirements.

It’s precisely because anyone can call themselves a counsellor or psychotherapist that people really need to look at the training and qualifications of the person they want to work with, because registration requirements vary hugely across registering bodies, the criteria for accreditation for each is variable too so you can’t assume that registration means well trained and also can’t assume that because someone calls themselves a psychotherapist they’re necessarily registered anywhere, because they don’t need to be.

Lizzie48 · 30/05/2019 11:12

I’m having psychotherapy and EMDR for my childhood SA on the NHS right now, I had a long wait but it’s been well worth it.

I previously forked out a lot for private therapy because I didn’t want to involve my GP in referring me. (I was a bit paranoid that they might involve SS if I admitted my MH struggles, I knew it was PTSD.)

But I realise now that I should have asked much sooner.

Lizzie48 · 30/05/2019 11:14

So, you should approach your GP. I thought you couldn’t access EMDR on the NHS, and that is clearly the case in some postcodes, but you won’t know if you don’t ask!

llangennith · 30/05/2019 11:16

I've always found talking to close friends or family therapeutic enough.

NCasVOuting · 30/05/2019 11:49

No EMDR on the NHS in my area as no one is qualified to do it.

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