Awkward situation with therapist

[astrasky]

I have just started seeing a private therapist for depression. She's so expensive, but I understand it's a hard job.

Anyway. I cancelled my appointment for tomorrow morning at 9pm on Monday due to work commitments. She didn't reply. So yesterday I resent the same email in the morning and in the evening and recieved no reply.

This morning I emailed the Head of the centre to say I had cancelled and recieved no reply. She then got in touch with the therapist who immediately replied saying that's fine, do you want to rebook etc., and she hopes i understand this will be charged as less than 24 hours to go til appointment... I did agree to that policy and I do think its fair, but I gave well in advance of 24 hours notice? I told her over email three times that I wouldn't be coming over 48 hrs before the appointment.

I don't want this to sour the atmosphere and I am really quite apprehensive about going back now - she quite clearly did get the emails as she replied straight away to an email her boss cced her into, so it's not like she was unable to access them.

I feel pretty down about it. I don't want to come across as rude but I am actually quite annoyed.

Aibu to tell her I won't be paying? And will I have to find a new therapist?

I would reply and say I did give over 24 hours notice - appreciate with the bank holiday you’ll have had a lot of emails. Then I’d copy the time, date and body of the original email (from your sent items) for evidence.

You shouldn't pay as you'd given her enough notice multiple times. Do NOT pay. And I'd find a new therapist because she's obviously a piss-taker towards her clients.

I'd rebook and tell her that whilst you agree with the policy and understand the need for it, you contacted her several times 48 hours prior and therefore it doesn't apply to you.

I see no reason you'd need to find a new therapist if its all handled politely - if shes then unpleasant about it, then cross that bridge!

So no, YANBU!

Just reply and say you sent emails at [time] [time] [time] and so you believe you gave the required 24 hour notice and therefore do not have to pay the fee.

Presumably you have timed and dated emails and you know they actually went thru? You can then tell this to the manager or the therapist and they should be reasonable or at least give you the benefit of the doubt. It’s not rude, if she’s not checking her emails that’s her problem.

Forward your original emails to the Head of the centre saying but I DID give more than24 hours notice so I presu,e I therefore won’t be charged. She’s taking the piss.

Just forward her the email chain of the 1st one saying "please see the attached evidence that i notified you more than 24hrs before the appointment and therefore im not liable to pay the late fee. Whens your next avaliability for an appointment". She shouldnt mention it again if this is what happened. You dont need a new therapist, although its natural to feel that way if youre feeling especially anxious.

I guess it's just making me feel so uncomfortable. It's almost like taking advantage of a situation.

I have a job where I see clients and I am forever checking my emails, even very late at night. She replied to my last email about an overpayment last week at 1140pm, so although I sent it on bank holiday she had all of Monday evening and Tuesday to read it.

I have sent the emails with time stamps but haven't recieved a reply yet. The emails definitely went through. One was from my phone so I thought best do it on the laptop too - they've all gone through.

It's just quite bizarre and feels a little unprofessional

Assume for the moment that it's an oversight on her part and she didn't see the emails. Explain that you gave lots of notice, and forward the emails to show the time stamp.

This may clear it all up as a misunderstanding and no reason why you shouldn't go back to her.

If she argues though, YWNBU not to pay, and really you would probably be better at that point to look for a new therapist.

Is it possible your emails went into her spam folder and that's why she didn't respond and thinks you haven't given enough notice? That's what I'd assume was going on.

It could just be the email from you to your therapist went into her junk folder, it happens particularly if you don't usually converse via email, the system isn't always perfect and it can sometimes go down.

I would attach your original email showing when you alerted her to the issue, and suggesting she checks her junk folder.

Also I'd check in your contract or paperwork about cancellation notice and how it should be given - if email is acceptable then you've done all you reasonably can IMHO.

It's a mistake. Stop overthinking it.

I have a job where I see clients and I am forever checking my emails, even very late at night

You need to give yourself a break, constantly checking your emails is not healthy.

Unprofessional and bloody greedy!

It’s probably an oversight / sent to spam. Reply to her email with screenshots of the original messages. Did you definitely send to the correct email address in the first instance?

Why would it go to spam? She hadn't sent it to multiple recipients. If the therapist was on holiday on Tuesday she should have set up an out-of-office reply.

Be firm, OP. It is expensive and you did cancel in time.

Do not pay

As others have said, send copies of your emails showing that you did give adequate notice, and leave it at that. If the therapist has a problem with it then it is theirs, and they need to specify exactly how they wants to be notified in future if something has changed.

I work on a voluntary basis, and when we are not given adequate notice of a cancellation we are instructed to "invite" clients to pay. Some don't have to be "invited" and simply offer, but it is usually only a small donation anyway. As a private client, paying a great deal more, it really is down to the therapist to check for any cancellations, and unreasonable for them to bear a grudge towards you if they have not done so.

There should not be a power differential between therapist and client. If she does not accept your explanation about the emails (and you can show her the evidence), then she is not the right therapist. It is good for them to be boundaried, but not to take advantage of clients.

Just forward your initial email from your sent folder so they can see when you sent it to therapist and head of centre and say you’d like to clarify about being charged for the session give you’d given more than 24 hours notice. It’s not rude to the therapist. It might be an innocent mistake with something like your email going into her junk folder but that isn’t your problem.

Forward all three emails you sent ccing in her boss and point out you had cancelled with more notice than 24 hours.

It’s probably an oversight / sent to spam

I check my spam folder everyday.

I can see why you would feel uncomfortable, it adds another layer to your relationship you don't need.

We do usually converse over email about appointments and payments etc.

I understand an overview, but surely to miss three separate emails and then respond immediately to the boss's email?

I guess I am overthinking, but I have always found other therapists to be considerate of the fact that many of their clients are overthinker anyway.

To be honest, perhaps this is part of a bigger picture, and theres something in me that doesn't think I can talk to her without the power dynamic.

Could well have gone to her junk folder so she may not have seen them. Dh has sent me emails that have gone to my junk folder. Is email the only form of contact you have for her? Could you phone her and, even if you get her voicemail, tell her that you sent numerous emails and ask could she check her junk folder if she has not seen them.

Your therapist is a CF. Don't pay and find someone else.

Also she will never win your trust.